Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Good News

i just received an email from my publisher, Adarna House, who co-sponsors a creative writing workshop for children's literature with the Ateneo Institute of Literary Arts and Practices (AILAP), that i am among 9 fellows selected for the 5th Barlaya workshop grant i applied for some weeks ago!!!

there's still some concerns to smooth out with transportation and accommodation costs, though, but i trust that the Universe/God will provide, and/or pave the way for me.

life is sweet. suddenly, all my heart's desires are just manifesting, like rosebuds coming to full bloom now!!!

God is good. Life is good. the travails of the past are all worth it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Our New Bea

our 6-year-old not-so-little Bea exploded into reading yesterday! : D

i woke up to find her beside me in bed, on her tummy, reading from the novel i have been reading!

she read aloud and slowly, of course, but gone is the torture.

she used to be able to read only 3-letter one-syllable words, and it frustrated her so whenever there were instructions in a game she was following on the Net, or in her activity book, that she had to ask help with from me, her older sister Thea and older brother Paolo.

well, yesterday, she was a dynamo, reading from any and all she could see and get her hands on--by their little book shelf, picking out her favorite bedtime stories again, by my big bookshelf reading out the titles from my collection, by the tv, watching out for text on the screen.

and she isn't even on first grade level yet!!!

'times like these, when your child breaks into a barrier and explodes into a new level of who she is-- i feel so blessed to have been given the honor to midwife and witness such births.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Terms of Endearment, Terms of Engagement

so now that we've settled more comfortably into our "L" words, it's on to another set of challenges.

he calls me "little one", while i call him "love"... but somehow, i know, it is also as much a part of habit as of feeling now.

i have never been called "little", even as a kid. i have always been taller for my age, and when grown, fairer and more voluptous and leggy than the average Filipina. so, i kind of feel awkward and embarassed when he calls me his "little one", like receiving an undeserved accolade... or a term of endearment not really meant for me. : (

i am not guiltless my self, as my using the term "love" is so easy and natural now, an old habit with a former love that is hard to break, not that i would want to break it even, as this former love was a good person (a break from the old pattern in fact!), it's just that our path together just had to end...

so we'll grow into our own terms of endearment, as we get to know each other better, and work on merging our plans and lives together, bit by bit, each moment, each day.

it just amazes me, though, how i've never noticed, much less been aware, of things like these before!!!

every thing feels so shiny and new and bright and fresh, 'feels like the first time all over again, feeling 17 all over again!!!

(blushing but smiling so, too... )

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Acts of Faith, and Miracles

i remember a line from the film, Under the Tuscan Sun-- "if you build the house, the occupants will come" -- which was similar to another line in the film, Field of Dreams -- "if you build the (baseball) diamond, the players will come"-- or something to that effect, and i marvel at how true they are in my life now.

a year and a half ago, i decided to stop "playing around" with short-term flings and little romances, because even if they were fun adventures, they were not doing any good to my mental, emotional and even physical health in the long run, with the risks i were taking. ive learned what i had to learn, i figured, "sowed my oats", so to speak, and so i thought it was time for me to settle down into my self, and give to me the loving that i sought elsewhere but never seemed to get, just love me and give to me and pamper me as i deserved, at last.

and so it went that as i got used to loving me just as i am, i met friends -- men and women -- who were also more of the giving types, not the taker types i used to be surrounded with before. and their friendships and nurturing further bolstered my sense of value, of feeling more deserving of true and good loving just as i am, without my having to do anything else to earn it or to pay for it.

a little over two months ago, i was introduced by an old college friend to a man whom i connected with so deeply and so soon, it brought that old girlhood dream and mantra... "soulmate"... back to life for me again.

im taking it slow this time, though... making sure i do it right this time. and surprisingly for me (i have been with men before who just pushed and rushed and insisted, never mind what i wanted or how i felt about things), he respects it and abides by it. our friendship's developing beautifully; he is like the amalgamation of all the other friends ive had over the past year and a half. he has introduced me to his mom, and his mom and i hit it off quick too. : ) he told me one time how "bizaare" his feelings for me are-- "i cannot imagine life without you in it, and yet you have just arrived in it!"

what never ceases to amaze me is, in addition to the fact of our quick and deep connection, his life circumstances are in such a way that they fit mine, and mine his, supporting each other's dreams, filling each other's little lacks.... oohhh, almost like a perfect fit. bizaare, indeed. one example is even before i met him, i resolved to my self that i will take a leave of absence from my day job by next schoolyear, to create space for my heart's true desires-- writing and reading and maybe even more travelling through the family business and my burgeoning speaking career. now, here comes a man who is not only very passionate about reading and writing (and his mom and only sister are writers too!) but a world traveler too, who is seeking to settle down at last yet still also wants to introduce me and my little ones to the places he has been! i still secretly glow from his solemn promise-- "someday, we will all travel, including your little treasures." : ) : ) : )

of course, one side of me says maybe it is still too early to know for sure, that time will tell. but so far, things have been growing beautifully, everyday miracles manifesting.

if not for anything else, what i love (we haven't spoken that L word hush...) most about this man is that he makes me laugh. even when he complains and rants about his day, without his meaning to, they always come out funny, and he just makes me laugh, and feel warm all over. i could live with someone who makes me laugh, no matter what, for the rest of my life!

: D


oohh, God, help me be worthy; God help me do it right this time!