Sunday, October 28, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
all's well
i've brought the last of the guests to the airport this morning. it has been a full, abundant, joyful and meaningful week.
the paper i delivered at the Reading Association of the Philippines Demofest last Saturday afternoon was good, i believe. in the first place, it passed my own standards. then, too, after i delivered it, a number of people came up to me to ask for a copy of it, as it wasn't in their kits. so, maybe i did get my message across, which is what i prayed for.
i had lots of fun entertaining guests and new friends, too, driving them around bacolod, and showing them the food delicacies and the sights, amidst the Masskara Festival. i wondered why they kept apologizing to me for taking too much of my time and energies, when i enjoyed their company too!
i slept the whole day of Sunday and even most of today, too. it's my postponed jet lag catching up on me, i guess. after Honey and i arrived from the States last Sunday, i didn't have the luxury of winding down, as it was immediately off to last meetings with the bibliotherapy-book launch- storytelling team, going for my on-the-set tv interview, welcoming my publishers' staff and showing them around, also fetching N, our guest storyteller, and taking care of his transportation needs the whole time he was here and even assisting him in his tv interview too, providing support for the bibliotherapy lecture and the storytelling workshop, and, of course, being fully there for my own book launch, even as i researched and wrote my paper overnight for the reading association demofest.
now, it's back to my "ordinary" life, but it's really not so ordinary anymore (well, come to think of it, it never has been!).
next to dos:
- update butterfly business stuff
- help Papa with renewing the store rights award in my name
- checking and returning my MA students' papers
- finishing my Project Paper too, so i can turn it in by Oct. 30, schedule my defense early November, and finally earn my MA Conflict and Reconciliation Studies degree
- finishing 3 more projects: FCQ, Kaisa and Rubin's manuscript editing
- and finally and most importantly, working on the content of my author website with B, and buckling down to writing my 1 story/month target for the rest of my leave (7 months to go)!
***
mama's still in the hospital for pneumonia. im concerned, of course, but the last time i talked to her on the phone, her voice sounded strong and full and she seemed upbeat, even welcoming the hospital stay as a chance for her to fully rest and sleep longer than she is used to at home. so, i guess, that's a very good sign.
one time, when i was still there with her last month, and she was starting to talk death wishes again, i acknowledged her desires yet also reminded her, half-jokingly, "ma, don't die on me yet. you still have to see my two remaining dreams in life come true-- become an internationally-published, best-selling, critically-acclaimed, and well-loved author of children's and other books, whose stories touch and transform people's lives and live on long after i do; and be happily married to my True Soulmate, for real and for keeps!"
she smiled at that, and seemed buoyed by the idea.
***
i'm just enjoying my time with the kids again. we celebrated my homecoming a week late by my treating ourselves out to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch earlier today, after i fetched them from school.
it's exam week for them this week, so they only have morning classes. after the exams are over, im planning to take them and their cousins to the Waxworks tour at the Negros Musuem, for a Halloween treat. : )
one of these days, im treating my self again, too, to my long-overdue beauty salon and spa treat! i haven't dated my self in quite a while! : ) : ) : )
***
i brought home the three choicest of the two dozen roses B sent before i flew home. they're on my bedside table. i brought home his card and even the package stamps too! : )
i look at them every time, and feel very blessed for having B in my life now.
for the first time in my life, i am in love without the attendant anxiety and insecurities and uncertainty and agonies that used to accompany my falling in love states before. (and now, i wonder if they were more delirium than really falling in "Love" as Love is meant to be!)
for the first time in my life, i am amazingly feeling... peace, and contentment, and just sheer joy, from being me, and from loving and being loved. i can actually relate now to how it's described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8... how it should be, how it really is.
i hope and pray this consciousness stays with me this way, for good, no matter what the outer circumstances and challenges might be that will inevitably assail us, as with all relationships.
i pray for B, and B and i, all the time now.
***
all's well.
God always sees to it; i know that now.
the paper i delivered at the Reading Association of the Philippines Demofest last Saturday afternoon was good, i believe. in the first place, it passed my own standards. then, too, after i delivered it, a number of people came up to me to ask for a copy of it, as it wasn't in their kits. so, maybe i did get my message across, which is what i prayed for.
i had lots of fun entertaining guests and new friends, too, driving them around bacolod, and showing them the food delicacies and the sights, amidst the Masskara Festival. i wondered why they kept apologizing to me for taking too much of my time and energies, when i enjoyed their company too!
i slept the whole day of Sunday and even most of today, too. it's my postponed jet lag catching up on me, i guess. after Honey and i arrived from the States last Sunday, i didn't have the luxury of winding down, as it was immediately off to last meetings with the bibliotherapy-book launch- storytelling team, going for my on-the-set tv interview, welcoming my publishers' staff and showing them around, also fetching N, our guest storyteller, and taking care of his transportation needs the whole time he was here and even assisting him in his tv interview too, providing support for the bibliotherapy lecture and the storytelling workshop, and, of course, being fully there for my own book launch, even as i researched and wrote my paper overnight for the reading association demofest.
now, it's back to my "ordinary" life, but it's really not so ordinary anymore (well, come to think of it, it never has been!).
next to dos:
- update butterfly business stuff
- help Papa with renewing the store rights award in my name
- checking and returning my MA students' papers
- finishing my Project Paper too, so i can turn it in by Oct. 30, schedule my defense early November, and finally earn my MA Conflict and Reconciliation Studies degree
- finishing 3 more projects: FCQ, Kaisa and Rubin's manuscript editing
- and finally and most importantly, working on the content of my author website with B, and buckling down to writing my 1 story/month target for the rest of my leave (7 months to go)!
***
mama's still in the hospital for pneumonia. im concerned, of course, but the last time i talked to her on the phone, her voice sounded strong and full and she seemed upbeat, even welcoming the hospital stay as a chance for her to fully rest and sleep longer than she is used to at home. so, i guess, that's a very good sign.
one time, when i was still there with her last month, and she was starting to talk death wishes again, i acknowledged her desires yet also reminded her, half-jokingly, "ma, don't die on me yet. you still have to see my two remaining dreams in life come true-- become an internationally-published, best-selling, critically-acclaimed, and well-loved author of children's and other books, whose stories touch and transform people's lives and live on long after i do; and be happily married to my True Soulmate, for real and for keeps!"
she smiled at that, and seemed buoyed by the idea.
***
i'm just enjoying my time with the kids again. we celebrated my homecoming a week late by my treating ourselves out to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch earlier today, after i fetched them from school.
it's exam week for them this week, so they only have morning classes. after the exams are over, im planning to take them and their cousins to the Waxworks tour at the Negros Musuem, for a Halloween treat. : )
one of these days, im treating my self again, too, to my long-overdue beauty salon and spa treat! i haven't dated my self in quite a while! : ) : ) : )
***
i brought home the three choicest of the two dozen roses B sent before i flew home. they're on my bedside table. i brought home his card and even the package stamps too! : )
i look at them every time, and feel very blessed for having B in my life now.
for the first time in my life, i am in love without the attendant anxiety and insecurities and uncertainty and agonies that used to accompany my falling in love states before. (and now, i wonder if they were more delirium than really falling in "Love" as Love is meant to be!)
for the first time in my life, i am amazingly feeling... peace, and contentment, and just sheer joy, from being me, and from loving and being loved. i can actually relate now to how it's described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8... how it should be, how it really is.
i hope and pray this consciousness stays with me this way, for good, no matter what the outer circumstances and challenges might be that will inevitably assail us, as with all relationships.
i pray for B, and B and i, all the time now.
***
all's well.
God always sees to it; i know that now.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
more success
the whole day storytelling workshop yesterday was a success, too!
the children's library, where it was held, was jampacked. participants even came in earlier than the registration staff! we expected only around 30 participants, but ultimately, 64 were in, and they were all attentive, participative and energized by Manolo Silayan's very substantial and stimulating workshop.
at the end of the day, the participants organized themselves into Alitaptap (Firefly) Storytellers Association - Bacolod and even elected their own officers and set the date for their next meeting already!!!
which is what the whole "Books Build, Books Heal" campaign was about-- to tap, organize and develop a pool of volunteer storytellers for the Negros Museum's Storyteling for Children Program!!!
: ) : ) : )
ohhhhhh, thank you, God, for good friends, good and talented people, and everyone coming together to create something good for children and the culture of reading and books altogether!!!
***
i've been up since 2am starting and finishing the paper i am going to present at the Reading Association of the Philippines (RAP) Demofest today. it's 5:46am and im done and im proud of what i have come up with, too!!! : )
'good thing i kept files of old papers saved; it made my research and referencing easier and faster!
I am in the Heart of God.
I bask in God's Love and Abundance.
things just keep getting better and better!
thank you, God!!! : ) : ) : )
the children's library, where it was held, was jampacked. participants even came in earlier than the registration staff! we expected only around 30 participants, but ultimately, 64 were in, and they were all attentive, participative and energized by Manolo Silayan's very substantial and stimulating workshop.
at the end of the day, the participants organized themselves into Alitaptap (Firefly) Storytellers Association - Bacolod and even elected their own officers and set the date for their next meeting already!!!
which is what the whole "Books Build, Books Heal" campaign was about-- to tap, organize and develop a pool of volunteer storytellers for the Negros Museum's Storyteling for Children Program!!!
: ) : ) : )
ohhhhhh, thank you, God, for good friends, good and talented people, and everyone coming together to create something good for children and the culture of reading and books altogether!!!
***
i've been up since 2am starting and finishing the paper i am going to present at the Reading Association of the Philippines (RAP) Demofest today. it's 5:46am and im done and im proud of what i have come up with, too!!! : )
'good thing i kept files of old papers saved; it made my research and referencing easier and faster!
I am in the Heart of God.
I bask in God's Love and Abundance.
things just keep getting better and better!
thank you, God!!! : ) : ) : )
Friday, October 19, 2007
success
the wedding --- er, book launch : ) --- was what i hoped it would be: well-attended, by family, extended family and friends, both old and new; the books browsed through, read and bought (or bought and read) well; people coming up to me telling me their thoughts and feelings about the books; people having a good time mingling among themselves during the cocktails, while i sat in a corner signing the books; people bringing their kids and the kids moving around freely, browsing through the children's library (where the program was held) shelves, picking out books they liked, and reading intently even as the program went on; kids lining up too to have their books signed and personally addressed to them (one kid whom i asked what his name was, said, "Lastikman"! : >); people listening attentively to the short talks, my quite emotionally-laden talk, and Nolo's wonderful storytelling rendition of "Tight Times". i even got interviewed again by the ABS-CBN tv crew on the spot, just before the launch started, for the evening news! : ) : ) : )
it had the look, feel, ambiance that i couldn't really succinctly describe but secretly hoped it would have. almost the same look, feel, ambiance my dream wedding would have, when i wed again someday. : )
i bared my heart and soul at home, and home finally began to understand what my passion was about, and, with wide-open arms, welcomed me in.
it had the look, feel, ambiance that i couldn't really succinctly describe but secretly hoped it would have. almost the same look, feel, ambiance my dream wedding would have, when i wed again someday. : )
i bared my heart and soul at home, and home finally began to understand what my passion was about, and, with wide-open arms, welcomed me in.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
pre-wedding jitters
i have just sent out the last of the invitations.
it's the afternoon before my book launch tomorrow, right in my own home city, but it feels like im going to be wed!
i have had my two books actually previously launched-- the first book in 2004, at the University where i studied and now teach, but it was a small, intimate launch; the 2nd book at the recently held National Children's Book Day last July 17, at the Cultural Center of the Philippines in Manila, where I also received my second Philippine Board on Books for Young People (PBBY) Salanga Prize.
this time, though, i'm (re)launching them, right at home, and making it open to the public, right in the midst of the Masskara festivities, too.
somehow, i feel more jittery now than the previous two original launches.
it feels like i am going to be wed-- not to a person, but to my Dream, really casting my die now-- not just writing on the side, but writing children's books for keeps-- in front of everyone, right at HOME, where it could both hurt and heal.
somehow, it's okay to make your Dream public in faraway places and to people who don't know you; but at HOME???
that's why it feels more like a wedding than a book launch.
you wed only in front of people closest to you.
this is it, now, Dream. no turning back.
it's the afternoon before my book launch tomorrow, right in my own home city, but it feels like im going to be wed!
i have had my two books actually previously launched-- the first book in 2004, at the University where i studied and now teach, but it was a small, intimate launch; the 2nd book at the recently held National Children's Book Day last July 17, at the Cultural Center of the Philippines in Manila, where I also received my second Philippine Board on Books for Young People (PBBY) Salanga Prize.
this time, though, i'm (re)launching them, right at home, and making it open to the public, right in the midst of the Masskara festivities, too.
somehow, i feel more jittery now than the previous two original launches.
it feels like i am going to be wed-- not to a person, but to my Dream, really casting my die now-- not just writing on the side, but writing children's books for keeps-- in front of everyone, right at HOME, where it could both hurt and heal.
somehow, it's okay to make your Dream public in faraway places and to people who don't know you; but at HOME???
that's why it feels more like a wedding than a book launch.
you wed only in front of people closest to you.
this is it, now, Dream. no turning back.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
still
it's 3:44 a.m. here; i've been up for around 40 minutes already.
even while apparently "doing" stuff, like checking my email now to clean up my inbox, i am as still as a baby who has just woke up.... a kind of alert, watchful stillness.
i am savoring this moment.
it's like the moments of stillness, of perfect bliss, that i get to in my meditations have transferred over to this moment, even when im not consciously meditating.
i have just jotted down all my things to do for this week. somehow, they don't disturb this stillness even, when before, a year or two ago, this would start me hyperventilating in anxiety and growing panic, at the so many things to do in so little time...
right now, i am just... still.
all is right with my world.
all is Perfect, in fact, even as all continually change.
in my meditations, my favorite and "highlight mantra", which i have coined my self, is this:
I am in the Heart of God.
I bask in God's Love and Abundance.
this is It, right now.
i'm living it.
i'm being it.
even while apparently "doing" stuff, like checking my email now to clean up my inbox, i am as still as a baby who has just woke up.... a kind of alert, watchful stillness.
i am savoring this moment.
it's like the moments of stillness, of perfect bliss, that i get to in my meditations have transferred over to this moment, even when im not consciously meditating.
i have just jotted down all my things to do for this week. somehow, they don't disturb this stillness even, when before, a year or two ago, this would start me hyperventilating in anxiety and growing panic, at the so many things to do in so little time...
right now, i am just... still.
all is right with my world.
all is Perfect, in fact, even as all continually change.
in my meditations, my favorite and "highlight mantra", which i have coined my self, is this:
I am in the Heart of God.
I bask in God's Love and Abundance.
this is It, right now.
i'm living it.
i'm being it.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Today
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Do you realize?
+++++++++++++++++++
Do you understand where you are right now? You are in a
place, a time, and a set of circumstances toward which
you've been moving your entire life.
Do you realize the enormous opportunity that now exists? You
are more experienced and better prepared than ever before.
Each past failure is now a positive and valuable lesson that
you've learned about what works and what doesn't. All the
disappointments you've ever known have now combined together
to create a powerful and meaningful determination that
permeates your life.
By this point in your life, your dreams and desires are more
in line with who you truly are than they've ever been
before. And now you're perfectly positioned to actually
achieve them.
Do you realize how truly unique and powerful this very
moment is? This is the moment when you can begin to fulfill
your greatest possibilities.
This is the moment you've been working your way toward for a
long time. You are here at last, so fill your world with the
lifetime of richness that you're able to give.
Ralph Marston
............................................................................
This is the Daily Motivator email edition.
Copyright (C) 2007 Ralph S. Marston, Jr. All rights reserved.
Visit The Daily Motivator web site at http://greatday.com for an
archive
of more than 3,000 daily messages, inspirational photos and more.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Do you realize?
+++++++++++++++++++
Do you understand where you are right now? You are in a
place, a time, and a set of circumstances toward which
you've been moving your entire life.
Do you realize the enormous opportunity that now exists? You
are more experienced and better prepared than ever before.
Each past failure is now a positive and valuable lesson that
you've learned about what works and what doesn't. All the
disappointments you've ever known have now combined together
to create a powerful and meaningful determination that
permeates your life.
By this point in your life, your dreams and desires are more
in line with who you truly are than they've ever been
before. And now you're perfectly positioned to actually
achieve them.
Do you realize how truly unique and powerful this very
moment is? This is the moment when you can begin to fulfill
your greatest possibilities.
This is the moment you've been working your way toward for a
long time. You are here at last, so fill your world with the
lifetime of richness that you're able to give.
Ralph Marston
............................................................................
This is the Daily Motivator email edition.
Copyright (C) 2007 Ralph S. Marston, Jr. All rights reserved.
Visit The Daily Motivator web site at http://greatday.com for an
archive
of more than 3,000 daily messages, inspirational photos and more.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
My Horoscope Today
Although you may not be inclined to play lightly with others now, it's just because you have more urgent business. Your emotions have opened wide and you don't want to miss the opportunity to feel something so strong. Still, there's that gnawing fear of the unknown. Don't try to talk your way out of this journey. Jump on in, for the water is wet and deep.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
"Long Ago and Far Away..."
by Helen Forrest and Dick Haymes
Long ago and far away
I dreamed a dream one day
And now that dream is here beside me
Long the skies were overcast
But now the clouds have passed
You're here at last
Chills run up and down my spine
Aladdin's lamp is mine
The dream I dreamed was not denied me
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago was you
Dreary days are over.
Life's a four-leaf clover.
Sessions of depressions are through.
Every hope I longed for long ago, comes true.
Long ago and far away
I dreamed a dream one day
And now that dream is here beside me
Long the skies were overcast
But now the clouds have passed
You're here at last
Chills run up and down my spine
Aladdin's lamp is mine
The dream I dreamed was not denied me
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago was you
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago
Was you.
Long ago and far away
I dreamed a dream one day
And now that dream is here beside me
Long the skies were overcast
But now the clouds have passed
You're here at last
Chills run up and down my spine
Aladdin's lamp is mine
The dream I dreamed was not denied me
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago was you
Dreary days are over.
Life's a four-leaf clover.
Sessions of depressions are through.
Every hope I longed for long ago, comes true.
Long ago and far away
I dreamed a dream one day
And now that dream is here beside me
Long the skies were overcast
But now the clouds have passed
You're here at last
Chills run up and down my spine
Aladdin's lamp is mine
The dream I dreamed was not denied me
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago was you
Just one look and then I knew
That all I longed for long ago
Was you.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Intuition
the best definition i've heard so far, from Deepak Chopra--
"Intuition is the voice between thoughts."
"Intuition is the voice between thoughts."
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Honey's Report
i got a kick out of reading my sister Honey's report of our 12 days here so far, which she sent via email to family and friends, and i'm sharing this with you : ) ohhh i love how she describes it! --
Just a slice of life im enjoyin' here. some things that remind me i'm in a 1st world country when going household shopping with my mom (please read in Southern/Georgian english accent, okay?):
doors automatically open even if im 3-4 steps away
revolving doors revolve fast...really fast... at first, i feel like joining a jumping rope to slide in..teehee! or where superman loves to change.
groceries are called warehouse stores, true! double or triple that of sm supermarket
grocery carts have built-in seats for adults too! not just for kids (kapoy lakat ay)
cashiers are automated computers like atm to pay for groceries..
i insert dollar cash and they change it too
reminds me of the airport at Delta..self check-in via automized terminals
grocery packers pack goods with only 2-3 items per plastic bag
so imagine going home with more than a dozen packages for just five days' supply
credit cards are preferred than cash in making payments
vegetables section have a sound-effect: thunder and rainstorms then
you get hit by hidden sprinklers to give a shower effect...cool!
baby tomatoes, baby potatoes, baby eggplants, baby carrots everywhere
pre-sliced vegetables, ready-to-cook julliened items for convenience's sake
giant sized tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, carrots, plus...more
and the seafood section? oh my! surely caterers' delight!
all are fresh, neatly filleted and packed
meat section too with samples of packaged ready-to-go themed cuisine food trays to choose from
and lots of food-sample carts, sa sampling pa lang, mabusog ka na.
their cakes and breads..one week na, namit pa...
label says, no preservatives man...hmmm hmmm..
people of all colors greet you all the time "how you doin?..doin okay ma'am?"
when you say "thank you", be prepared with a loud reply "YOU ARE WELCOME!" gurl!
when yo go lukin' for cheap items? go walmart...for cheaper itmes..go "food stamps stores"
for newer bright items? go publix, or costco, jc pennys..etc.
never an outing with momma without buying flowers, oh beautiful flowers already arranged in bouquet-ready-to-go too!.
nice to just sit around and do people watchin'
but be ready to put a smile on your face as if you are admiring..
rather than staring...
and so many obese people, im not kidding
if i am large-sized back home, i am small here...
abundance of food everywhere...
to think of hunger in 3rd world countries
sometimes shocks me
i love lookin' at families go together
saturday mornin' is grocery time for folks here...
no yayas, no family helpers..
nice to see parents lugging around babies
with two or three others following behind
so that's it for now...
"driving and life in the streets" next.
This is Honey Grace Catalan, CNN (Chill! NannnaNaaaanaaaa)
Just a slice of life im enjoyin' here. some things that remind me i'm in a 1st world country when going household shopping with my mom (please read in Southern/Georgian english accent, okay?):
doors automatically open even if im 3-4 steps away
revolving doors revolve fast...really fast... at first, i feel like joining a jumping rope to slide in..teehee! or where superman loves to change.
groceries are called warehouse stores, true! double or triple that of sm supermarket
grocery carts have built-in seats for adults too! not just for kids (kapoy lakat ay)
cashiers are automated computers like atm to pay for groceries..
i insert dollar cash and they change it too
reminds me of the airport at Delta..self check-in via automized terminals
grocery packers pack goods with only 2-3 items per plastic bag
so imagine going home with more than a dozen packages for just five days' supply
credit cards are preferred than cash in making payments
vegetables section have a sound-effect: thunder and rainstorms then
you get hit by hidden sprinklers to give a shower effect...cool!
baby tomatoes, baby potatoes, baby eggplants, baby carrots everywhere
pre-sliced vegetables, ready-to-cook julliened items for convenience's sake
giant sized tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, carrots, plus...more
and the seafood section? oh my! surely caterers' delight!
all are fresh, neatly filleted and packed
meat section too with samples of packaged ready-to-go themed cuisine food trays to choose from
and lots of food-sample carts, sa sampling pa lang, mabusog ka na.
their cakes and breads..one week na, namit pa...
label says, no preservatives man...hmmm hmmm..
people of all colors greet you all the time "how you doin?..doin okay ma'am?"
when you say "thank you", be prepared with a loud reply "YOU ARE WELCOME!" gurl!
when yo go lukin' for cheap items? go walmart...for cheaper itmes..go "food stamps stores"
for newer bright items? go publix, or costco, jc pennys..etc.
never an outing with momma without buying flowers, oh beautiful flowers already arranged in bouquet-ready-to-go too!.
nice to just sit around and do people watchin'
but be ready to put a smile on your face as if you are admiring..
rather than staring...
and so many obese people, im not kidding
if i am large-sized back home, i am small here...
abundance of food everywhere...
to think of hunger in 3rd world countries
sometimes shocks me
i love lookin' at families go together
saturday mornin' is grocery time for folks here...
no yayas, no family helpers..
nice to see parents lugging around babies
with two or three others following behind
so that's it for now...
"driving and life in the streets" next.
This is Honey Grace Catalan, CNN (Chill! NannnaNaaaanaaaa)
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Georgia On My Mind
two glazed doughnuts, a banana, and ice cold water.
that's what i just had for breakfast-- after walking about two or three miles around the community with my sister, Honey.
it's quite a change from my usual big breakfast fare in Bacolod of rice, eggs, meat or fish, and Tipco juice.
but, i guess, ironically, in a land of (excess) food Abundance, i am learning to scale down.
i eat only an average of two meals a day now. each meal is quite big enough, with really large servings. i am not able to fully digest one before another one comes along.
one time, Mama brought us to Atlanta Bread Company, a fastfood place, really, and also serving soups, salads and sandwiches. each of us ordered their Half-and-Half special (half soup, half salad; or half salad, half sandwich), and it was good, like all food here seem to be. but we couldn't finish our Half-and-Halves even... that's how big the servings are.
Honey and i joke around that we love it here-- we get to fit into Petite sizes (when we're Large and even Extra-Large back home!) and we look slim and dainty compared to the huge number of men and women here who not only fill up their clothes, but even overflow them, if not for their wearing really huge tent-size shirts and pants and dresses!
the other day, Carmen, Mama's assistant in shipping the butterlfy wings products, took us to Stonecrest Mall and treated Honey and i to three Victoria's Secret panties each (which were on sale for 3 for $30). we couldn't decide which sizes we were as the flimsy, lacey and silky panties all looked almost the same size. we asked the ample saleslady which size she thought we were, and she looks us over briefly and declared, "i think you'd fit into Small!"
oohhhh, women's heaven!!! : ) : ) : )
***
Georgia is beautiful, pleasant, with an old-worldish charm, a slow-paced lifestyle(compared to L.A., our brief layover, and Hong Kong, what we know of New York, etc.), with lots of trees and greenery all around-- a lot like Bacolod and Silay.
for our 12 days here, we have only gone to CNN and downtown, a lake named Blalock, and looked over the beautiful houses in the newer, upscale side of Atlanta in Peachtree City. most of the places we go to are the food and grocery shops-- Publix, Costco, the smaller convenience stores-- as those are the only places Mama can only go to these days now. With her thrice-weekly dialysis sessions, she gets easily tired. so, it's her friends who take turns taking us to the other places.
i have yet to visit the Martin Luther King, the Margaret Mitchell and Gone with the Wind Museums, as well as Stone Mountain Park and Six Flags.
as in Bacolod, im not really into the mall and pop culture touristy spots like the Coca Cola Museum; im more into the arts and culture and history sites, as well as the nature sites.
Honey and i plan to learn and master the MARTA (train and bus system), but we haven't gotten around to it yet. we are still enjoying just basically staying at home with mama, talking, cooking (i know the basics now! yippee!!!), doing housework (i am discovering that i love washing best, particularly dishes, laundry-- anything that gets my hands into water!), talking long walks, meditating (me, while Honey prays), working on the pc (me, mostly), massaging mama... just bonding with mama and each other again as women now, something we never got to do while we were growing up.
***
we live in East Point with mama and our stepdad, Larry, at Ben Hill Road, in an older community. Larry is a big boss at the school board. we like him. he is quiet and wise, gentle but firm, and funny, too. like the father everyone should have.
there are a lot of black people here, as Atlanta is 60% black. but, unlike the tv and movie stereotypes, they are educated-looking, conservatively dressed, polite and friendly.
same with the white people, too. by the way.
***
we only got a whiff of L.A. culture in our layover at the airport, but immediately, one could tell the difference. there was an over-casualness and informality there, while here, upon landing at Hartsfield Airport, we could immediately sense the more conservative and formal atmosphere of the people and Atlanta.
***
i like it here. the weather is very similar to Philippine weather. and the lifestyle fits my own preferences and needs, too.
except for the excess food everywhere, that is.
every time i eat with others, and there are still huge leftovers which just get thrown away--and this, after one or two more meals eating the leftovers--i feel sad, because i remember our folks and street kids back home, who barely have enough to feed themselves one decent meal a day.
when i get assigned to throw the leftovers into the trash bin, i am careful to wrap them separately and cleanly-- just in case some hobo somewhere gets into our trash and finds our leftover food for his/her own need, although i haven't seen any hobo yet.
***
Mama wants at least one of us to stay here longer with her, but we can't. Honey has only a month or so on leave from her tv hosting job, while i have to get back to my book launch and other projects.
but, we're also open to the idea of maybe coming back again soon. we have 10-year-multiple-entry visas after all.
we'd like to come back with our children and family next, though. we'd like them to see the sights we see, experience the experiences we live here, and realize for themselves, too, how, the world is really so much bigger, wider, and more abundant than how we've been conditioned to live it so far, way back home.
***
now, if only there's a way to ship the "leftovers" (i would rather call them excess food, in the first place, produced too much and over and above what people really need) here to the rest of the world out there, too.
life would be so much better.
that's what i just had for breakfast-- after walking about two or three miles around the community with my sister, Honey.
it's quite a change from my usual big breakfast fare in Bacolod of rice, eggs, meat or fish, and Tipco juice.
but, i guess, ironically, in a land of (excess) food Abundance, i am learning to scale down.
i eat only an average of two meals a day now. each meal is quite big enough, with really large servings. i am not able to fully digest one before another one comes along.
one time, Mama brought us to Atlanta Bread Company, a fastfood place, really, and also serving soups, salads and sandwiches. each of us ordered their Half-and-Half special (half soup, half salad; or half salad, half sandwich), and it was good, like all food here seem to be. but we couldn't finish our Half-and-Halves even... that's how big the servings are.
Honey and i joke around that we love it here-- we get to fit into Petite sizes (when we're Large and even Extra-Large back home!) and we look slim and dainty compared to the huge number of men and women here who not only fill up their clothes, but even overflow them, if not for their wearing really huge tent-size shirts and pants and dresses!
the other day, Carmen, Mama's assistant in shipping the butterlfy wings products, took us to Stonecrest Mall and treated Honey and i to three Victoria's Secret panties each (which were on sale for 3 for $30). we couldn't decide which sizes we were as the flimsy, lacey and silky panties all looked almost the same size. we asked the ample saleslady which size she thought we were, and she looks us over briefly and declared, "i think you'd fit into Small!"
oohhhh, women's heaven!!! : ) : ) : )
***
Georgia is beautiful, pleasant, with an old-worldish charm, a slow-paced lifestyle(compared to L.A., our brief layover, and Hong Kong, what we know of New York, etc.), with lots of trees and greenery all around-- a lot like Bacolod and Silay.
for our 12 days here, we have only gone to CNN and downtown, a lake named Blalock, and looked over the beautiful houses in the newer, upscale side of Atlanta in Peachtree City. most of the places we go to are the food and grocery shops-- Publix, Costco, the smaller convenience stores-- as those are the only places Mama can only go to these days now. With her thrice-weekly dialysis sessions, she gets easily tired. so, it's her friends who take turns taking us to the other places.
i have yet to visit the Martin Luther King, the Margaret Mitchell and Gone with the Wind Museums, as well as Stone Mountain Park and Six Flags.
as in Bacolod, im not really into the mall and pop culture touristy spots like the Coca Cola Museum; im more into the arts and culture and history sites, as well as the nature sites.
Honey and i plan to learn and master the MARTA (train and bus system), but we haven't gotten around to it yet. we are still enjoying just basically staying at home with mama, talking, cooking (i know the basics now! yippee!!!), doing housework (i am discovering that i love washing best, particularly dishes, laundry-- anything that gets my hands into water!), talking long walks, meditating (me, while Honey prays), working on the pc (me, mostly), massaging mama... just bonding with mama and each other again as women now, something we never got to do while we were growing up.
***
we live in East Point with mama and our stepdad, Larry, at Ben Hill Road, in an older community. Larry is a big boss at the school board. we like him. he is quiet and wise, gentle but firm, and funny, too. like the father everyone should have.
there are a lot of black people here, as Atlanta is 60% black. but, unlike the tv and movie stereotypes, they are educated-looking, conservatively dressed, polite and friendly.
same with the white people, too. by the way.
***
we only got a whiff of L.A. culture in our layover at the airport, but immediately, one could tell the difference. there was an over-casualness and informality there, while here, upon landing at Hartsfield Airport, we could immediately sense the more conservative and formal atmosphere of the people and Atlanta.
***
i like it here. the weather is very similar to Philippine weather. and the lifestyle fits my own preferences and needs, too.
except for the excess food everywhere, that is.
every time i eat with others, and there are still huge leftovers which just get thrown away--and this, after one or two more meals eating the leftovers--i feel sad, because i remember our folks and street kids back home, who barely have enough to feed themselves one decent meal a day.
when i get assigned to throw the leftovers into the trash bin, i am careful to wrap them separately and cleanly-- just in case some hobo somewhere gets into our trash and finds our leftover food for his/her own need, although i haven't seen any hobo yet.
***
Mama wants at least one of us to stay here longer with her, but we can't. Honey has only a month or so on leave from her tv hosting job, while i have to get back to my book launch and other projects.
but, we're also open to the idea of maybe coming back again soon. we have 10-year-multiple-entry visas after all.
we'd like to come back with our children and family next, though. we'd like them to see the sights we see, experience the experiences we live here, and realize for themselves, too, how, the world is really so much bigger, wider, and more abundant than how we've been conditioned to live it so far, way back home.
***
now, if only there's a way to ship the "leftovers" (i would rather call them excess food, in the first place, produced too much and over and above what people really need) here to the rest of the world out there, too.
life would be so much better.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
"He Brought Me to You"
thanks to Rousel in my Multiply network who posted this first. i never even heard of this song by KC Concepcion(Sapphire? i'm kind of getting mixed up) and Christian (Bautista? sorry... i am not very familiar with today's pop artists now)... but i love the lyrics and im keeping them here for posterity.
this is how my life is turning out to be right now... a dream is coming true... i'm keeping my fingers crossed as it's happening, but a dream is coming true, at last.
HE BROUGHT ME TO YOU
--------------------------------------
[Christian]
In search of my life and my one true love
I prayed to Almighty God above
And His masterful voice directed me to
The many things I was destined to do
So I sailed across the mighty seas
Pursued knowledge of the highest degree
Took to learning new skills
Experienced new thrills
Felt my life was completely fulfilled
[Christian]
At the end of my amazing quest
After proving myself
By achieving success
I hoped to find the prize so rare
A priceless treasure beyond compare
For God promised He would bring me love
A love without measure, trusting and true
And behold, my dear Sapphire
He brought me to you
He brought me to you
(Reply)
[Sapphire]
In search of my life and my one true love
I prayed to Almighty God above
And His compassionate voice directed me to
The many things I was destined to do
And in my private reverie
I read of lands across the seas
I imagined enchanting hallowed hills
Growing beyond my window sill.
(Reply)
[Sapphire]
And through all of these my fancy quests
I cherish the secrets up close to my breast
I hoped to find the prize so rare
A priceless treasure beyond compare
For God promised He would bring me love
A love without measure, trusting and true
And behold, my dear Christian
[C] And behold, my dear Sapphire
[Both]
He brought me to you
He brought me to you
[Both]
My heart knew this without a doubt
That's what destiny's all about
[Christian]
God promised He would bring me love
[Sapphire]
A love strong and true
[Christian]
A promise He fulfilled above
He brought me to you
[Sapphire]
He brought me you.
this is how my life is turning out to be right now... a dream is coming true... i'm keeping my fingers crossed as it's happening, but a dream is coming true, at last.
HE BROUGHT ME TO YOU
--------------------------------------
[Christian]
In search of my life and my one true love
I prayed to Almighty God above
And His masterful voice directed me to
The many things I was destined to do
So I sailed across the mighty seas
Pursued knowledge of the highest degree
Took to learning new skills
Experienced new thrills
Felt my life was completely fulfilled
[Christian]
At the end of my amazing quest
After proving myself
By achieving success
I hoped to find the prize so rare
A priceless treasure beyond compare
For God promised He would bring me love
A love without measure, trusting and true
And behold, my dear Sapphire
He brought me to you
He brought me to you
(Reply)
[Sapphire]
In search of my life and my one true love
I prayed to Almighty God above
And His compassionate voice directed me to
The many things I was destined to do
And in my private reverie
I read of lands across the seas
I imagined enchanting hallowed hills
Growing beyond my window sill.
(Reply)
[Sapphire]
And through all of these my fancy quests
I cherish the secrets up close to my breast
I hoped to find the prize so rare
A priceless treasure beyond compare
For God promised He would bring me love
A love without measure, trusting and true
And behold, my dear Christian
[C] And behold, my dear Sapphire
[Both]
He brought me to you
He brought me to you
[Both]
My heart knew this without a doubt
That's what destiny's all about
[Christian]
God promised He would bring me love
[Sapphire]
A love strong and true
[Christian]
A promise He fulfilled above
He brought me to you
[Sapphire]
He brought me you.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
today
today i leave for Atlanta, Georgia, to be with mama again, as well as with all my two other precious siblings.
in exactly 6 hours and 30 minutes, my sis Honey and i leave for the manila airport on our way out.
today is also a New Moon with a Solar Eclipse-- a time for fresh starts, and leaving the past behind.
6 years ago today, i arrived from Hungary and Romania via Paris, my first trip abroad-- the day after the world changed and terror struck half a globe away-- deciding i didn't want to be married anymore.
... oh how much i've grown and how far i've come since then!
...
my bags are packed, my papers ready.
but my old life is still hanging on.
as i write this at almost 5am, running against time running out--
- i have to finish updating my personal and business, especially the business, emails, as i will be offline for at least 2 days;
- finish autographing the books for distribution in 3 hours;
- finish writing the solicitation letter to our Chinese Family Association for sponsoring the book launch cocktails;
- finish checking my students' Grad. School papers and return them later this morning (or maybe i should just ask Thea to bring these to the Grad. School later in the day, huh? but still, i have to finish checking...)
- deliver the books, the solicitation letter and the Grad. School papers;
- by 6am, call the water tank repairman again to come ASAP as the water tank chose to break down again last night, the eve of my departure (but i focus on the silver lining: at least this happens now while im still here and i can do something about it, not when the kids are left alone with the housekeeper to fend for themselves);
- still feeling mixed emotions from the recent outburst with B... and just finished watching Belief.net's "Give Each Feeling Its Time" short video clip, which is making me deeply reflective about Love's Lessons again, NOW, when i also have to be working double-time too, and can't really afford to muse and contemplate (i can do that later in the airport and in the looooong flight)...
today, i leave for a new phase in my life, a new world and adventure, even if only for a month. i am sure i will come back transformed, as most trips usually inspire... fast-tracking personal transformations because of the temporary hold on living up to the everyday social pressures and roles one has to conform to in mundane life...
today, i leave, and yet some part of me holds back, too.
in exactly 6 hours and 30 minutes, my sis Honey and i leave for the manila airport on our way out.
today is also a New Moon with a Solar Eclipse-- a time for fresh starts, and leaving the past behind.
6 years ago today, i arrived from Hungary and Romania via Paris, my first trip abroad-- the day after the world changed and terror struck half a globe away-- deciding i didn't want to be married anymore.
... oh how much i've grown and how far i've come since then!
...
my bags are packed, my papers ready.
but my old life is still hanging on.
as i write this at almost 5am, running against time running out--
- i have to finish updating my personal and business, especially the business, emails, as i will be offline for at least 2 days;
- finish autographing the books for distribution in 3 hours;
- finish writing the solicitation letter to our Chinese Family Association for sponsoring the book launch cocktails;
- finish checking my students' Grad. School papers and return them later this morning (or maybe i should just ask Thea to bring these to the Grad. School later in the day, huh? but still, i have to finish checking...)
- deliver the books, the solicitation letter and the Grad. School papers;
- by 6am, call the water tank repairman again to come ASAP as the water tank chose to break down again last night, the eve of my departure (but i focus on the silver lining: at least this happens now while im still here and i can do something about it, not when the kids are left alone with the housekeeper to fend for themselves);
- still feeling mixed emotions from the recent outburst with B... and just finished watching Belief.net's "Give Each Feeling Its Time" short video clip, which is making me deeply reflective about Love's Lessons again, NOW, when i also have to be working double-time too, and can't really afford to muse and contemplate (i can do that later in the airport and in the looooong flight)...
today, i leave for a new phase in my life, a new world and adventure, even if only for a month. i am sure i will come back transformed, as most trips usually inspire... fast-tracking personal transformations because of the temporary hold on living up to the everyday social pressures and roles one has to conform to in mundane life...
today, i leave, and yet some part of me holds back, too.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
My Soul's Advice
in my early morning meditation today, i asked for guidance on discerning the true path of my Heart, of what (or more appropriately, Whom) to choose... now that opportunities for fulfilling my romantic dreams are again suddenly developing...
i waited for quite a while in meditation for an answer to come, but there was just... Silence.
and then, as i finished my meditation and softly blew out my meditation candle, the gentle answer came as a clear, strong voice in my head:
Whoever shares your spiritual path.
i waited for quite a while in meditation for an answer to come, but there was just... Silence.
and then, as i finished my meditation and softly blew out my meditation candle, the gentle answer came as a clear, strong voice in my head:
Whoever shares your spiritual path.
Monday, September 03, 2007
My Quiz Result... Teeheee...!!!
click on the title above to get to the quiz, "Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman Are You?"
My result:
You are a Goddess, pure and simple.
You are the epitome of grace, beauty and strength.
All women secretly want to be you
And all men yearn after you.
My result:
You are a Goddess, pure and simple.
You are the epitome of grace, beauty and strength.
All women secretly want to be you
And all men yearn after you.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Today's Quote : )
"When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." -- Barbara J. Winter
Sunday, August 26, 2007
A Bedtime Story
the other night, i came home very late at night from the week-long trainers' training my PJ colleagues and i were conducting. i was hungry and tired and sleepy, and after a quick dinner and shower, i was set to retire for the day.
as Bea dozed off beside me, Paolo rummaged through my bedside drawer to look for some stuff of his that he placed in there. i was also dozing off too when he nudged me to ask what the thing that he was holding in his hand was.
it was a sealed box of condoms from long ago.
i mumbled something like, "ohhh... it's for my health, palangga (dear). let's go to sleep." and i took it from him and put it inside the other bedside drawer by my side of the bed.
knowing Paolo, he didn't let me off the hook. "yes, but what does it do for your health?"
after a careful pause, i sighed and said, "it's so babies aren't made before we're ready for them."
paolo: how?
me: let's talk about it some other time... when you're more grown up and ready."
paolo: i want to talk about it now. i'm ready!
me: i don't think you are. you're only 9 years old. you have to grow up to be a young man, at least, to understand these things.
paolo: i am grown up now! and i want to understand now. try me. you said im a smart boy!
me (after a very loooooong pause): ok. you already know how babies are made, right?
paolo: yes, when the sperm and the egg meet.
me: okay, good. and you know where the sperm and the egg come from, right?
paolo: yes, from the penis and the vagina. when a man and a woman have sex.
me (a longer pause): okay. that's right. so the thing in the box that you saw is used to wrap the penis in so the sperm doesn't come out to meet the egg.
paolo (long pause too): so why do you have it with you still? are you having sex?
me: nope, not right now. you see how it's sealed? that means i haven't used it even.
paolo: but why do you keep it still? do you plan on having sex?
me (really long pause): i wouldn't call it just sex, palangga. ... i call it making love. someday, when i fall in love again and marry, i would want to make love with my husband, too.
paolo (loooooong pause, and when he spoke next, his voice was breaking, and he was starting to sob): i don't like it. i don't like it at all.
me (quiet)
paolo: why do you have to make love to your husband?
me (sighing): it's one special way that a man and woman who love each other show their love for each other.
paolo: can you not show it some other ways?
me: of course, palangga. you can, and you should. but when you love your husband or your wife very much, you want to share your body with them too, not just your heart. you feel it in both your body and your heart. it's as natural as breathing and eating.
paolo: where will you do it?
me: in the privacy of our bedroom of course.
paolo: what if i want to go inside your bedroom? and where will i sleep?
me: you will have a room of your own palangga. if you want to go inside, you can just knock.
paolo: and you will stop having sex?
me: yes.
paolo (long pause): ok.
me (quiet)
paolo: i'll just make another bedroom for you that says "do not disturb". you can do it there.
me: ok. thank you.
paolo: what if i don't want you to have sex?
me: i'm sorry, then. even if im your mom and i love you very much, it is my body and my heart. it's my choice on whether id want to share it with a man again, and with whom. love means respect, too. if you love me, you will respect my choice, as i respect yours. don't i respect your choices and not force you to do things you don't want to do?
paolo: yes.
me: let's go to sleep, palangga...
paolo: what if your husband does not want to have sex but you do? will you force him?
me: no palangga. i will wait for him. in the same way that he cannot force me too if he truly loves me.
paolo: i heard that in Sunday School! Love is patient.
me: yes. that's right.
paolo (really long thoughtful pause, but his breaking voice was becoming fuller now): now i know why Manang won't tell me about it.
me: about what, palangga?
paolo: about the thing i just saw.
me: ok.
paolo: but i understand now, see? after 5 minutes, i understand!
me (smiling now): yes, palangga. come here and give me a hug. i am proud of you. you're growing to be a fine little man now."
paolo (hugging me back): and i know what a prostitute is, too!
me: what is it, palangga?
paolo: it's someone who shares their body in sex so they can be paid with money.
me: yes, you are right there, too.
paolo: why do people do that?
me: because it's a way for them to earn the money they need.
paolo: why can't they just work for it some other way?
me: i don't know palangga.... maybe no one will give them work, and they need the money bad. maybe they haven't gone to school and they can't work at other jobs..."
paolo: when you have sex with someone you do not love, you're like being an animal.
me (long, amazed pause): ... yes. you are right, palangga. and it's not a good feeling, too.
me (getting a better grip): " ... and men who have sex with prostitutes; they make the prostitutes even more helpless."
paolo: so love is about respecting choices and being patient.
me: yes, palangga.
paolo (long, thoughtful pause then gives me a tight hug): "good night, ma. i love and respect you ma!"
***
whew!
that was quite a surprising and dangerous call for me!
one never knows when the really important moments and opportunity to mark a young soul's life comes.
children do keep you on your toes.
oohhh, thank you God, i believe i navigated that one well, huh?
as Bea dozed off beside me, Paolo rummaged through my bedside drawer to look for some stuff of his that he placed in there. i was also dozing off too when he nudged me to ask what the thing that he was holding in his hand was.
it was a sealed box of condoms from long ago.
i mumbled something like, "ohhh... it's for my health, palangga (dear). let's go to sleep." and i took it from him and put it inside the other bedside drawer by my side of the bed.
knowing Paolo, he didn't let me off the hook. "yes, but what does it do for your health?"
after a careful pause, i sighed and said, "it's so babies aren't made before we're ready for them."
paolo: how?
me: let's talk about it some other time... when you're more grown up and ready."
paolo: i want to talk about it now. i'm ready!
me: i don't think you are. you're only 9 years old. you have to grow up to be a young man, at least, to understand these things.
paolo: i am grown up now! and i want to understand now. try me. you said im a smart boy!
me (after a very loooooong pause): ok. you already know how babies are made, right?
paolo: yes, when the sperm and the egg meet.
me: okay, good. and you know where the sperm and the egg come from, right?
paolo: yes, from the penis and the vagina. when a man and a woman have sex.
me (a longer pause): okay. that's right. so the thing in the box that you saw is used to wrap the penis in so the sperm doesn't come out to meet the egg.
paolo (long pause too): so why do you have it with you still? are you having sex?
me: nope, not right now. you see how it's sealed? that means i haven't used it even.
paolo: but why do you keep it still? do you plan on having sex?
me (really long pause): i wouldn't call it just sex, palangga. ... i call it making love. someday, when i fall in love again and marry, i would want to make love with my husband, too.
paolo (loooooong pause, and when he spoke next, his voice was breaking, and he was starting to sob): i don't like it. i don't like it at all.
me (quiet)
paolo: why do you have to make love to your husband?
me (sighing): it's one special way that a man and woman who love each other show their love for each other.
paolo: can you not show it some other ways?
me: of course, palangga. you can, and you should. but when you love your husband or your wife very much, you want to share your body with them too, not just your heart. you feel it in both your body and your heart. it's as natural as breathing and eating.
paolo: where will you do it?
me: in the privacy of our bedroom of course.
paolo: what if i want to go inside your bedroom? and where will i sleep?
me: you will have a room of your own palangga. if you want to go inside, you can just knock.
paolo: and you will stop having sex?
me: yes.
paolo (long pause): ok.
me (quiet)
paolo: i'll just make another bedroom for you that says "do not disturb". you can do it there.
me: ok. thank you.
paolo: what if i don't want you to have sex?
me: i'm sorry, then. even if im your mom and i love you very much, it is my body and my heart. it's my choice on whether id want to share it with a man again, and with whom. love means respect, too. if you love me, you will respect my choice, as i respect yours. don't i respect your choices and not force you to do things you don't want to do?
paolo: yes.
me: let's go to sleep, palangga...
paolo: what if your husband does not want to have sex but you do? will you force him?
me: no palangga. i will wait for him. in the same way that he cannot force me too if he truly loves me.
paolo: i heard that in Sunday School! Love is patient.
me: yes. that's right.
paolo (really long thoughtful pause, but his breaking voice was becoming fuller now): now i know why Manang won't tell me about it.
me: about what, palangga?
paolo: about the thing i just saw.
me: ok.
paolo: but i understand now, see? after 5 minutes, i understand!
me (smiling now): yes, palangga. come here and give me a hug. i am proud of you. you're growing to be a fine little man now."
paolo (hugging me back): and i know what a prostitute is, too!
me: what is it, palangga?
paolo: it's someone who shares their body in sex so they can be paid with money.
me: yes, you are right there, too.
paolo: why do people do that?
me: because it's a way for them to earn the money they need.
paolo: why can't they just work for it some other way?
me: i don't know palangga.... maybe no one will give them work, and they need the money bad. maybe they haven't gone to school and they can't work at other jobs..."
paolo: when you have sex with someone you do not love, you're like being an animal.
me (long, amazed pause): ... yes. you are right, palangga. and it's not a good feeling, too.
me (getting a better grip): " ... and men who have sex with prostitutes; they make the prostitutes even more helpless."
paolo: so love is about respecting choices and being patient.
me: yes, palangga.
paolo (long, thoughtful pause then gives me a tight hug): "good night, ma. i love and respect you ma!"
***
whew!
that was quite a surprising and dangerous call for me!
one never knows when the really important moments and opportunity to mark a young soul's life comes.
children do keep you on your toes.
oohhh, thank you God, i believe i navigated that one well, huh?
This Made Me Misty
i didn't realize how my 14-year-old has grown so much and so beautifully, in her mind, heart and spirit. these are excerpts from her latest blog post; the addressees are not named, but i could tell these parts were for me, her sister Bea, and her dad.
5.) You are the best and I mean that. You have seen me grow from my Barbie dolls and scribbles to my writings, sketches, music, and performing -- all of which I call art... that I have inherited from the artist herself, whom, also gave life to me and two other wondrous artworks. I treasure how you are not like the others. Instead of telling me to study hard and pursue a good career, you teach me to embrace learning and to nurture the gifts I possess and use it to best of my ability. Instead of simply grounding me and keeping me from my friends, you explain my mistakes and make me realize how important it is to look before you leap -- that every decision counts in your life. Instead of answering me if I look fat in my clothes or if my thighs are too thick, you teach me to love my body and my femininity -- both of which what also makes a great, real woman. What I have greatly learned from you though, is to follow your dream. You don't see that much nowadays, but you are living proof that a dream has been fulfilled. We are like best friends sometimes, too. Some souls take forever to look for that right guiding force in which they find refuge and comfort in. But isn't it a coincidence that God made us family?
6.) You are awesome even though you are only seven years old. You can be a pain in the ass when you're being whiny, but most of the time, I know they raised us all to be good kids. It's cute how you are nurturing and care for others at your age, and it's often comforting. I love it when you let me dress you up. I love it when you make me feel like someone important. I appreciate and cherish how I'm someone you look up to and would like to follow someday. That strangely encourages me and you don't know how I try to do as much as I can to set the right example. It makes me happy when you're happy, and even more happy when I make you mad. Just kidding. I love you anyway, even though I like to make fun of you and you sometimes hate me for it. You're going to be a great woman, nevertheless. It's funny when I talk about it now, but I am serious. Seeing you grow and looking out for others as much as you look out for yourself, I often wonder if you already know too much and you're just keeping silent about it as if it's some secret power or something. Haha. I love you.
7.) You know, even though you may not see it much anymore, I still love being your little girl. When I make mistakes and do something stupid and all the world goes against me, it's awesome how you still care and make me feel comforted even through a simple text message telling me how you love me. I love how when I'm sick or not feeling well, you get me stuff and treats to make me feel better. And how you check up on me if I'm okay. It might not be much to some, but it often means the world to me. Even though you and her aren't going to get back together anymore, it doesn't matter, I'm happy either way because I love you both. Either from monsters under my bed or stupid boys that break my heart, I know that I'm protected in your big strong arms. It's cool how we share the same birthday. That's mega rad. Sorry I don't reply much, I run out of load a lot... which I also get from you. Anyway, I love you, too.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Positive Energy, Negative Energy People
From "Positive Energy," by Judith Orloff, M.D.:
Certain people give off positive energy, others negative. It's the quality of someone's being, a measure of love with which they've led their lives. It also reflects the inner work they've done, their efforts to heal anger, hatred, or self-loathing, which poison us like toxic fumes. Energetically these linger, precluding joy from shining through. It's important to grasp, however, that once you undertake the process of healing, it changes the quality of even the negativity that remains. Don't be too hard on yourself-we're all works in progress.
SIGNS OF POSITIVE ENERGY IN PEOPLE
+ They exude an inviting sense of heart, compassion, and support.
+ You intuitively feel safe, relaxed, wanting to get closer.
+ They emanate a peaceful glow.
+ You feel better around them. Your energy and optimism increase.
SIGNS OF NEGATIVE ENERGY IN PEOPLE
+ You experience a sense of being demeaned, constricted, or attacked
+ You intuitively feel unsafe, tense, or on guard.
+ You sense prickly, off-putting vibes. You can't wait to get away from them.
+ Your energy starts to fizzle. You may feel beleaguered or ill.
I'm a big fan of being proactive in generating positive energy. The First Prescription's formula for success: Do whatever makes your inner light burn brighter. In other words, try to treat yourself and everyone else with love. It's a constant process of tuning in: finding people who support your spirit, trusting your gut-centered decisions to guide you. Then you won't end up in a relationship that looks right but feels wrong. Or miss the chance to meet a loving man or woman because he or she doesn't fit some preconception. When you're with trying people, aim for the high road; find common ground, rather than inflame negativity. The care with which you approach life is intuitively evident in your energy field. We can feel each other's love: that's the great attraction. Spread openheartedness around.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Soulmates (again!)
This is the Amazon. com review for this new book coming out on Aug. 30, 2007--
Soulmates.
The concept is an ancient one that still captures the imagination, tugging at the deepest core of who we are. Who doesn't want a soulmate--or two or three?
Soulmates nudge us away from the illusion that we're only human and remind us that we're spirits first! They help us become our best selves. They are catalysts, enhancers for our spiritual growth. And we all have more than one. Soulmates may love us, but they also confuse us, confound us, irritate us, disappoint us--and often bring us indescribable joy and delight in living. Just by being in our lives, reminding us of the power of soul-to-soul connection, soulmates help us transform from humans with occasional spiritual connections to spiritual beings aware of the importance of human connections, human bodies, human lives.
In Natural-Born Soulmates, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau destroys what she calls "the soulmate myth," made famous by the line "you complete me" from the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire. Through a series of simple self assessments she developed, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau then teaches us to access our inner wisdom, to discern what "vibe" we're sending out, and to determine what level of connection we're experiencing in any given soulmate relationship.
There are soulmates out there to whom we can honestly say, "You enhance me," which is exactly what soul-to-soul connections do: make us better than we were before.
This groundbreaking book will help readers to:
- Recognize their soulmates--past, present, and future.
- Attract new soulmates--romantic ones included.
- Improve relationships with existing soulmates.
- Learn from their soulmate relationships so they don't need to repeat the experience.
For anyone ready to find their true soulmate, this powerful book is an important and necessary guide.
About the Author
Lauren Thibodeau, Ph.D., NCC, MBA, is a psychic medium and teacher based in New York City, where she consults and trains others to access their inner wisdom. A consciousness researcher and professor in a master's degree program in transpersonal studies, "Dr. Lauren" has been featured in several books and documentaries including Lily Dale, Psychic Investigators, and Village of Spirits. She has presented to groups including corporate executives, health professionals, and police detectives, and also with some of the best-known mediums of our time. Featured on hundreds of radio programs, Dr. Thibodeau also has been quoted as an expert in many leading publications including Shape and All You. She is also the author of Natural-Born Intuition.
It's on my Wish List, too-- please click the button below-- in case anyone is so inclined to gift me with it for an early Christmas present! (Heehee... well, one never knows...!)
Soulmates.
The concept is an ancient one that still captures the imagination, tugging at the deepest core of who we are. Who doesn't want a soulmate--or two or three?
Soulmates nudge us away from the illusion that we're only human and remind us that we're spirits first! They help us become our best selves. They are catalysts, enhancers for our spiritual growth. And we all have more than one. Soulmates may love us, but they also confuse us, confound us, irritate us, disappoint us--and often bring us indescribable joy and delight in living. Just by being in our lives, reminding us of the power of soul-to-soul connection, soulmates help us transform from humans with occasional spiritual connections to spiritual beings aware of the importance of human connections, human bodies, human lives.
In Natural-Born Soulmates, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau destroys what she calls "the soulmate myth," made famous by the line "you complete me" from the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire. Through a series of simple self assessments she developed, Dr. Lauren Thibodeau then teaches us to access our inner wisdom, to discern what "vibe" we're sending out, and to determine what level of connection we're experiencing in any given soulmate relationship.
There are soulmates out there to whom we can honestly say, "You enhance me," which is exactly what soul-to-soul connections do: make us better than we were before.
This groundbreaking book will help readers to:
- Recognize their soulmates--past, present, and future.
- Attract new soulmates--romantic ones included.
- Improve relationships with existing soulmates.
- Learn from their soulmate relationships so they don't need to repeat the experience.
For anyone ready to find their true soulmate, this powerful book is an important and necessary guide.
About the Author
Lauren Thibodeau, Ph.D., NCC, MBA, is a psychic medium and teacher based in New York City, where she consults and trains others to access their inner wisdom. A consciousness researcher and professor in a master's degree program in transpersonal studies, "Dr. Lauren" has been featured in several books and documentaries including Lily Dale, Psychic Investigators, and Village of Spirits. She has presented to groups including corporate executives, health professionals, and police detectives, and also with some of the best-known mediums of our time. Featured on hundreds of radio programs, Dr. Thibodeau also has been quoted as an expert in many leading publications including Shape and All You. She is also the author of Natural-Born Intuition.
It's on my Wish List, too-- please click the button below-- in case anyone is so inclined to gift me with it for an early Christmas present! (Heehee... well, one never knows...!)
Friday, August 10, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
My Horoscope Today : )
In your personal life, Jean, you couldn't find yourself in a better position. The time is ripe to thumb your nose at your demons once and for all. Complexes, guilt, and fears of all kinds are sent packing. It could even be that the radical "housecleaning" you will be undertaking will affect your professional career, as you become aware to what an extent you have been underestimating yourself...
: ) : ) : )
Nothing could be righter on the dot!
: ) : ) : )
Nothing could be righter on the dot!
Monday, August 06, 2007
How to Install Love on the Human Computer
when i first saw the subject title in my inbox, my first thought was to open the email and delete it. i thought it was just one of those cheesy forwarded emails one gets from people who seem to get a kick out of forwarding them... but when i read through it, i found that i liked it. hey, it does have nuggets of truth and wisdom to each, although written in tech-y style!
so im posting it here for keeps, and so i can delete it from my inbox. (for more info on where i got it from, please click on the title above.)
Customer: I really need some help. After much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
so im posting it here for keeps, and so i can delete it from my inbox. (for more info on where i got it from, please click on the title above.)
Customer: I really need some help. After much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install it now. What do I do?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see... I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.EXE running now.
Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.EXE. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until it's erased the programs you don't want.
Customer: Okay, now LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will stay installed for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Tech Support: What does the message say?
Customer: It says, "ERROR 412-PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
Tech Support: Don't worry, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTs but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
Tech Support: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
Tech Support: Excellent. You're getting good at this. Now, click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITICISM.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MP3 is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.EXE are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. Ah, one more thing.
Customer: Yes?
Tech Support: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will! Thanks for your help!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
My Rich Weekend
Aug. 3, Friday evening - Monthly Santermo (writer's group) meeting at the Negros Museum; i didn't bring any material for critiquing but i attended anyway, just to soak in the creative energies of the group. i am always glad i do, even if i come home late and physically tired and sleepy, my mind is abuzz and my spirit is singing!
it helped too, that earlier in the day, i was working happily with A and L, two best friends of the spirit, and even with A, shy, funny, head-in-his-clouds A, who brought us pizza for lunch (at my teasing request for him to be our knight and savior : > ) even if he was the guest to our office and we were supposed to be the hosts! : )
the early morning conversation with my new friend, B, was a morale-booster, too! he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he wants to know about all of who i am and how i think and feel about things, as well as how the kids are doing... and i feel surprisingly calm and safe and secure in his presence. (that's a relief after the last few months of just feeling judged, attacked and blamed by M, for my just being who i am! : < ) ***
Aug. 4, Saturday morning - met my Master of Nursing Methods of Research class for the first time; my goal was to make them see the fun and exciting possibilities in a subject that sounds as boring as "research", if not make them fall in love with it at first meet.... from the class' responses and questions and comments by the end of the morning class, i think i made significant headway.
in moments like this, i know the classroom is one of my best milieus, too; i not only come alive in it, i make others come alive as well! : )
Saturday afternoon - Thea was with her best friend at her best friend's house, having slept over there; Paolo was with their dad to attend a children's party of one their dad's friend's children; Bea opted to stay with me at home.
after a good, deep nap, i woke up and changed even as i asked Bea to change. we went to buy her favorite cheese-flavored fries and vanilla ice cream, and then drove on to the Capitol Lagoon, where she ran and played, as i just enjoyed watching her, while i reviewed the notes i made on my copy of Shakti Gawain's Living In the Light...
i am (re) learning again now how Love is not out there, to be sought from certain people, that Love instead is everywhere and especially deep inside, in one's connection to God and the Universe; that one must keep that connection at all costs, that the first love affair is that love affair with God/the Universe/Self... that all the rest, especially the people around us, are just limited channels of that Love... so why expect and depend on the limited channels when one can go directly to the Ultimate Source of all that Love?
this has been my reflection lately with my meditations and what's currently happening in my life (suddenly new developments again!)
then my sis Honey texted me to invite us to Redd's bowling party at Lopue's East.
my friend T also texted me to ask if i was interested to host a bi-monthly show on arts and culture she and her theatre and film production friends are putting up... i said i was very interested in arts and culture alright, but hosting??? : ) still, i was of course very open to and excited about the idea and agreed to a wednesday meet next week to talk about details.
Saturday evening - the kids bowled as we grownups feasted on Mang Inasal chicken for dinner, and just enjoyed updating each other on each other's lives, having fun watching the kids having fun. Thank you to Lira for the dinner treat, and to Honey and Ping for the moments to bond together again!
i dreamt that i won a raffle, and the prize was for Gus (my first love; he always comes up in my dreams whenever a new man enters my life, sort of like a symbolic character now for how the relationship with the new man would be like) to take the winner out on two dates.
i was very happy and feeling very lucky, as in my dream, it was my birthday too.
Gus and i went to our family store (i've come to understand this store symbol in my dream now to tell me that im going down deep into my consciousness), the old store we all lived and worked and grew up in. Gus was asking me how i was, how things are now, and i was proud and happy to tell him all the growth and changes that have been happening, and how im in a good place in my life now.
as soon as we stepped into the store, all my old grade school and high school classmates (symbol for past, childhood) were there, surprising me with brightly colored gifts and a party!
it turned out that without my knowing it, Gus had arranged for it, as well as for me to be picked as the winner in the raffle, actually.
ive never felt so loved, safe, secure and celebrated before!!!
i woke up really smiling, of course: good, happy things are in the works.
i know it now, for sure. ; )
***
August 5, Sunday morning - as the kids sleep, i spend the quiet, morning hours meditating and reflecting on my journal.
insight: the answer to my lament to my self and B, of how come everything good is happening in my life except in the romance dept. (yet) -- because it is still in the romance dept. where i allow negative thoughts and feelings run freely, without full and conscious direction of my mind!
no wonder.
B says it's all about perception. you can choose to see what's happening (or not happening yet) as a negative reflection on your self and start doubting, getting anxious and worrying... or you can choose to just let it be, not take it personally, and just relax and enjoy the friendship and growing affection that has come to bless us, that blessings are blessings, no matter what form or package they come.
he had a funny way of saying it:
"When a whole fried chicken flies out of Heaven and into your mouth, you need to be smart enough to chew and not spit it out on the ground to look at it."
B is right. i am (re)learning very significant, healing things from him already.
i love his positive spirit and mindset!
it helped too, that earlier in the day, i was working happily with A and L, two best friends of the spirit, and even with A, shy, funny, head-in-his-clouds A, who brought us pizza for lunch (at my teasing request for him to be our knight and savior : > ) even if he was the guest to our office and we were supposed to be the hosts! : )
the early morning conversation with my new friend, B, was a morale-booster, too! he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he wants to know about all of who i am and how i think and feel about things, as well as how the kids are doing... and i feel surprisingly calm and safe and secure in his presence. (that's a relief after the last few months of just feeling judged, attacked and blamed by M, for my just being who i am! : < ) ***
Aug. 4, Saturday morning - met my Master of Nursing Methods of Research class for the first time; my goal was to make them see the fun and exciting possibilities in a subject that sounds as boring as "research", if not make them fall in love with it at first meet.... from the class' responses and questions and comments by the end of the morning class, i think i made significant headway.
in moments like this, i know the classroom is one of my best milieus, too; i not only come alive in it, i make others come alive as well! : )
Saturday afternoon - Thea was with her best friend at her best friend's house, having slept over there; Paolo was with their dad to attend a children's party of one their dad's friend's children; Bea opted to stay with me at home.
after a good, deep nap, i woke up and changed even as i asked Bea to change. we went to buy her favorite cheese-flavored fries and vanilla ice cream, and then drove on to the Capitol Lagoon, where she ran and played, as i just enjoyed watching her, while i reviewed the notes i made on my copy of Shakti Gawain's Living In the Light...
i am (re) learning again now how Love is not out there, to be sought from certain people, that Love instead is everywhere and especially deep inside, in one's connection to God and the Universe; that one must keep that connection at all costs, that the first love affair is that love affair with God/the Universe/Self... that all the rest, especially the people around us, are just limited channels of that Love... so why expect and depend on the limited channels when one can go directly to the Ultimate Source of all that Love?
this has been my reflection lately with my meditations and what's currently happening in my life (suddenly new developments again!)
then my sis Honey texted me to invite us to Redd's bowling party at Lopue's East.
my friend T also texted me to ask if i was interested to host a bi-monthly show on arts and culture she and her theatre and film production friends are putting up... i said i was very interested in arts and culture alright, but hosting??? : ) still, i was of course very open to and excited about the idea and agreed to a wednesday meet next week to talk about details.
Saturday evening - the kids bowled as we grownups feasted on Mang Inasal chicken for dinner, and just enjoyed updating each other on each other's lives, having fun watching the kids having fun. Thank you to Lira for the dinner treat, and to Honey and Ping for the moments to bond together again!
i dreamt that i won a raffle, and the prize was for Gus (my first love; he always comes up in my dreams whenever a new man enters my life, sort of like a symbolic character now for how the relationship with the new man would be like) to take the winner out on two dates.
i was very happy and feeling very lucky, as in my dream, it was my birthday too.
Gus and i went to our family store (i've come to understand this store symbol in my dream now to tell me that im going down deep into my consciousness), the old store we all lived and worked and grew up in. Gus was asking me how i was, how things are now, and i was proud and happy to tell him all the growth and changes that have been happening, and how im in a good place in my life now.
as soon as we stepped into the store, all my old grade school and high school classmates (symbol for past, childhood) were there, surprising me with brightly colored gifts and a party!
it turned out that without my knowing it, Gus had arranged for it, as well as for me to be picked as the winner in the raffle, actually.
ive never felt so loved, safe, secure and celebrated before!!!
i woke up really smiling, of course: good, happy things are in the works.
i know it now, for sure. ; )
***
August 5, Sunday morning - as the kids sleep, i spend the quiet, morning hours meditating and reflecting on my journal.
insight: the answer to my lament to my self and B, of how come everything good is happening in my life except in the romance dept. (yet) -- because it is still in the romance dept. where i allow negative thoughts and feelings run freely, without full and conscious direction of my mind!
no wonder.
B says it's all about perception. you can choose to see what's happening (or not happening yet) as a negative reflection on your self and start doubting, getting anxious and worrying... or you can choose to just let it be, not take it personally, and just relax and enjoy the friendship and growing affection that has come to bless us, that blessings are blessings, no matter what form or package they come.
he had a funny way of saying it:
"When a whole fried chicken flies out of Heaven and into your mouth, you need to be smart enough to chew and not spit it out on the ground to look at it."
B is right. i am (re)learning very significant, healing things from him already.
i love his positive spirit and mindset!
Friday, August 03, 2007
My Horoscope Today : ), Again
| Versatile and Flexible | |||
| Mercury Sextile Uranus | |||
| Aug 3, 2007 | |||
 | |||
| It's all good -- from your point of view, at least. Luck will be on your side, as your uncanny sense of timing will demonstrate. In truth, though, luck has nothing to do with it. It's your willingness to let go of the steering wheel and let the universe drive. | |||
| Love | |||
| Mercury Sextile Uranus | |||
| Aug 3, 2007 | |||
| | |||
| Life is wonderful, love is grand and all is well. Just in case it's not all quite as rosy as it seems, however, don't propose -- or accept just yet. | |||
| Energy | |||
| Mercury Sextile Uranus | |||
| Aug 3, 2007 | |||
| | |||
| Talk about a good mood! No matter what comes along, you'll be absolutely impossible to budge from that silver-lined cloud. Float on! | |||
| Career | |||
| Sun Trine Saturn | |||
| Aug 3, 2007 to Aug 4, 2007 | |||
 | |||
| Get your notes and legal pads together, and set up an appointment with the boss. It's time to let all the appropriate authorities see what an absolute gem you are. | |||
Shall I Dance Again?
shall i dance again
so soon?
barely rested
from the previous
cha cha
another comes
to offer
a tango
while yet another
a fun swing
and another
shy-er, hesitant other
possibly
a waltz?
shall i dance again
so soon?
so soon?
barely rested
from the previous
cha cha
another comes
to offer
a tango
while yet another
a fun swing
and another
shy-er, hesitant other
possibly
a waltz?
shall i dance again
so soon?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
My Horoscope Today : )
| Love | |||
| Mercury Sextile Pluto | |||
| Jul 31, 2007 | |||
 | |||
| Don't turn down any invitations to meet new people. This is one of those times when the universe is prepared to introduce you to at least one of your soul mates. | |||
from www.astrocenter.com
Monday, July 30, 2007
Don't Dumb Yourself Down
a most timely message for me today from DailyOM, in response to the pain and the questions in my heart lately--
The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift. It enables us to move considerately in a world that holds people of all levels of awareness. However, there is a difference between shifting our energy to accommodate people and dumbing ourselves down to a regrettable degree. Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly about politics. It is one thing to notice this and modify our expectations and another thing entirely to join in.
When we notice where people are coming from and acknowledge to ourselves that their energy is not in alignment with ours, we have several choices as to how to proceed. One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process. Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration, which means that joining in by dumbing down is not an option.
When we choose to dumb ourselves down to fit in, we not only sell ourselves short but we also lose a possible opportunity to influence the situation for the good of all concerned. Our desire to join in may come from our natural yearning to feel connected to the people around us. There is no shame in this, but being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.
The ability to go into any social situation and sense the level of consciousness in that situation is a gift. It enables us to move considerately in a world that holds people of all levels of awareness. However, there is a difference between shifting our energy to accommodate people and dumbing ourselves down to a regrettable degree. Sometimes, when we get into a particular social situation, we may feel pressure to play it small in order to fit in. Perhaps everyone is drinking or smoking excessively, engaging in gossipy small talk, or complaining bitterly about politics. It is one thing to notice this and modify our expectations and another thing entirely to join in.
When we notice where people are coming from and acknowledge to ourselves that their energy is not in alignment with ours, we have several choices as to how to proceed. One viable option is to quietly endure the situation, keeping to ourselves until it is time to leave. In this way, we take care of our own consciousness and protect our growth process. Another option is to interact in a way that honors and pays respect to the people in the group, while gently attempting to shift the level of consciousness with our input. In order to do this, we must maintain our own vibration, which means that joining in by dumbing down is not an option.
When we choose to dumb ourselves down to fit in, we not only sell ourselves short but we also lose a possible opportunity to influence the situation for the good of all concerned. Our desire to join in may come from our natural yearning to feel connected to the people around us. There is no shame in this, but being able to stand on our own, separate from the crowd, is a powerful milestone on any spiritual path. It can be difficult in the moment, but when we arrive on the other side, our integrity intact, we may find ourselves feeling positively smart.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
In the Flow
this must really be my calling... in children's lit. i mean...
i went to Manila last Tuesday evening for the 1st National Conference on Philippine Children's Literature, as a participant, paying 3k for the conference fee, aside from funding my own travel and stay there... i don't regret investments like these; it's food for the soul time for me, always.
well, what do you know, a writer speaker couldn't make it, so i was asked to substitute instead! so i was now both participant and speaker too!
the topic was both easy and difficult. easy, because i just had to share how a children's book was created from an author's experience and perspective. difficult, because along the way in sharing i had also to share my personal struggles with marital separation and tight finances as context for why and how i wrote my two award-winning stories in the first place...
in the end, though, the excavation and sharing of the soul must have been worth it. i could sense the audience's deafeningly quiet and focused attention on me, interspersed by appreciative murmurs and nodding of heads. during the open forum, one older lady participant commended me for my courage in baring my soul and how she was inspired by my sharing...
i hope it was a healing thing for them as it is a healing thing for me, every time.
side note: i got "refunded" for my conference fee when i was paid my speaker's honorarium, too!
and to think that just before one of the key conference organizers asked me to sub, i was sitting there in my chair, mentally calculating how i could make my remaining P800 fit for the long taxi rides and the airport terminal fee i was still to take in going home, regretting i couldn't buy the books on display that i wanted to buy and to have autographed by the fellow-author friends i have made in the conference... !
God is great; the Universe takes care of me even without my asking!
***
the afternoon before i left for the airport last Tuesday, my visa arrived by courier-- i got a 10-year multiple entry visa!!! : )
Honey and i texted each other; she did, too!!!
and all the while, before we even had our interview, my constant prayer was: thank You, God, for the 10-year multiple entry US visas issued to Honey and I!!!
: ) : ) : )
***
i am back home. and thankfully, i have the whole month of August with no travels scheduled, before i set off on my next trip, with Honey this time, for our 3-week visit to Mama starting Sept. 10.
i love to travel, yes. but ive been flying in and out of Bacolod to a lot of places all over the country since January, that i am starting to miss the "ordinariness" and "routine" of just staying put in Bacolod, too, just living the "normal" life of a single mom on leave from her day job, staying at home and just doing things she loves to do-- taking good care of herself and her children, meditating daily, taking long walks, writing in her journal, basking in her solitude, working on her freelance writing projects, treating her self to a date at the beauty salon and the spa and then a nice dinner at her favorite resto, collecting her thoughts and feelings, enjoying good conversations and good food with very good, select friends... just enjoying her life without being accountable to others in terms of deadlines and project/work outputs...
thank God for my free August time!!!
i went to Manila last Tuesday evening for the 1st National Conference on Philippine Children's Literature, as a participant, paying 3k for the conference fee, aside from funding my own travel and stay there... i don't regret investments like these; it's food for the soul time for me, always.
well, what do you know, a writer speaker couldn't make it, so i was asked to substitute instead! so i was now both participant and speaker too!
the topic was both easy and difficult. easy, because i just had to share how a children's book was created from an author's experience and perspective. difficult, because along the way in sharing i had also to share my personal struggles with marital separation and tight finances as context for why and how i wrote my two award-winning stories in the first place...
in the end, though, the excavation and sharing of the soul must have been worth it. i could sense the audience's deafeningly quiet and focused attention on me, interspersed by appreciative murmurs and nodding of heads. during the open forum, one older lady participant commended me for my courage in baring my soul and how she was inspired by my sharing...
i hope it was a healing thing for them as it is a healing thing for me, every time.
side note: i got "refunded" for my conference fee when i was paid my speaker's honorarium, too!
and to think that just before one of the key conference organizers asked me to sub, i was sitting there in my chair, mentally calculating how i could make my remaining P800 fit for the long taxi rides and the airport terminal fee i was still to take in going home, regretting i couldn't buy the books on display that i wanted to buy and to have autographed by the fellow-author friends i have made in the conference... !
God is great; the Universe takes care of me even without my asking!
***
the afternoon before i left for the airport last Tuesday, my visa arrived by courier-- i got a 10-year multiple entry visa!!! : )
Honey and i texted each other; she did, too!!!
and all the while, before we even had our interview, my constant prayer was: thank You, God, for the 10-year multiple entry US visas issued to Honey and I!!!
: ) : ) : )
***
i am back home. and thankfully, i have the whole month of August with no travels scheduled, before i set off on my next trip, with Honey this time, for our 3-week visit to Mama starting Sept. 10.
i love to travel, yes. but ive been flying in and out of Bacolod to a lot of places all over the country since January, that i am starting to miss the "ordinariness" and "routine" of just staying put in Bacolod, too, just living the "normal" life of a single mom on leave from her day job, staying at home and just doing things she loves to do-- taking good care of herself and her children, meditating daily, taking long walks, writing in her journal, basking in her solitude, working on her freelance writing projects, treating her self to a date at the beauty salon and the spa and then a nice dinner at her favorite resto, collecting her thoughts and feelings, enjoying good conversations and good food with very good, select friends... just enjoying her life without being accountable to others in terms of deadlines and project/work outputs...
thank God for my free August time!!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Abundance Overflows!
The kids and I had a wonderfully blessed week in Manila!!!
We arrived yesterday via Superferry 19, tired and spent but happy and satisfied too from a long, busy and successful week, where quite a number of dreams came true!
First, it was the trip itself. When I won my first PBBY Salanga Prize in 2004, I could only take Paolo, as he adamantly refused to be left at home. The girls and I half-jokingly consoled ourselves with the thought that we'd all be together next time, by the next award. Haha. As if the PBBY Salanga Prize gets awarded to the same person more than once, as a matter of course.
Then, it was the financial means to afford the trip without feeling tight, thanks to Mama's bighearted generosity, as well as my high school friend Melanie's (nicknamed Miz) surprise treat our first day there. She, her sister Lynnie and their driver picked us up at the hotel and treated us to a sumptous lunch at Emerald Garden (Chinese) Restauarant. Paolo even got to order one full steamed crab dish all to himself!
Then, they took us to the new Mall of Asia, where, even as the kids and I decided among ourselves that we'd just browse and window shop and come back another day for the stuff we really wanted to buy, Miz and Lynnie secretly bought the kids even more surprise treats, as well as paid for our grocery (Miz and I went to the hypermarket-- yes, that's what it's called--together before going home; she to buy food for her home, me to buy food for our hotel stay, knowing how the kids love to snack when cooped up)!!!
Then, we had a most wonderful and memorable awarding rites during the National Children's Book Day (July 17) at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. We arrived half an hour earlier so I wasn't so rushed like last time. It gave me time to get to know new people there, as well as chat with old friends in the business.
I didn't have an acceptance speech prepared; I thought there wouldn't be any as it wasn't in the Programme. But, when I was asked to give one, the words just flowed from my heart. I could see a lot of people in the audience nodding, with eyes shining, as if I have touched some deep truth in them too.
I even had more requests for autographs this time, and more media interviews (Manila Bulletin, Junior Inquirer, RPN). It was more memorable for two tidbits: one journalist from a local daily asked me for a donation for his hernia operation (!) and when lunch was ready but I was still busy signing autographs and entertaining media interviews, Paolo threw a sulking tantrum and accused me of prioritizing others instead of hungry him! : )
Oh, well.
I was able to nicely turn the journalist down, and Paolo was soon pacified, when I personally prepared his lunch choices from the buffet table, even as my sister Honey cajoled him back to good humor.
I had an interesting insight there, though, about how men, as early as little boyhood, already demand their significant woman's full attention almost at all times, and when they don't get it, they "tantrumize"! : )
I had also insights as to how women have different ways of dealing with it. Honey both cajoled and threatened him, while I just let him be, until he came back to me, of his own accord. : ) That seems to be our general style in treating the men in our lives, too. Heehee....
In the afternoon after the awarding, the kids had a grand time playing with the gadgets and exhibits at the interactive Museo Pambata. We initially also wanted to go inside the Manila Planetarium, but we had to pay for 50 people's entrance fee (totalling P1,500) if we wanted to watch the planetary show, too! Ugh. No go for this time; but we can save up for it and do it next time. The kids weren't really so keen on it but I wanted them to experience the same highs I did when I watched the planetary show my self 20 years ago, when I was still in college and visiting my cousins in Manila for the summer.
The next day, July 18, we went to the Manila Zoo in the morning, then returned to the hotel by noon. We were fetched by a coaster rented by the Far East Broadcasting Co., who wanted to do an interview with me at their compound in Karuhatan, Valenzuela City. As we four climbed up the airconditioned coaster meant for 20 people, Paolo whispered loudly and grinned, "I feel important!" : )
It was quite a long ride, around an hour and a half, and the kids fell asleep. When Paolo woke up, he asked to pee, but we couldn't stop as we were in the middle of traffic, so I asked him to pee in the empty water bottle we had available. He delighted at the thought and promptly went to the back of the coaster to do his thing. He returned with a half-bottle full of yellowish liquid and wondered what his sisters would do if they mistakenly drank from it as soon as they woke up! I humored him in his scenario-building and we both giggled at the different scenarios he created in his mind. In the end, his kind heart won out and he asked me to set the bottle aside, far from the snack bag we carried, so his sisters wouldn't mistake it for juice. : )
The interview was special, too. I was interviewed by Doc Luis (Dr. Luis Gatmaitan), a famed children's book author himself, for their Wan Dey, Isang Araw storytelling program aired on Saturdays at 9am (see www.febc.ph and click on "Listen to the Radio" or something like it). (I will announce here later when our interview will be aired; as well as post the pictures from the awarding rites and the pictures from the radio interview, after Doc Luis emails the pictures to me.)
I was a bit anxious at first, but Doc Luis was good in orienting me, calming me and getting our conversation to run smoothly and freely, like we were just chatting, and so I was able to share more of my deeper thoughts and feelings, and I could tell I also touched some deep chords, as the radio engineer and staff who were listening in nodded along. There were two other children's book auhors, too,-- Robert Magnuson (of "Mister Beetle's Many Rooms" and "Diego and Marie's A Secret Sense of Home" and Beng Alba (of "Ang Batang Ayaw Maligo" fame)--who were to be interviewed after me, and their nodding along too affirmed me and made me feel more confident about sharing more. Doc Luis also took many pictures of us three writers, and then of me, and me with the kids, as well as me with the staff. Needless to say, the kids and I felt like celebrity, and I had more than my 15 minutes of fame! : )
After the radio interview with a late lunch of healthy sandwiches and iced tea, the coaster took us back, where we requested to be dropped off at Glorietta. It was another hour and a half ride to Makati, but this time the kids entertained themselves by fiddling on the radio channels. Paolo had to pee again, too, and he was an expert this time at peeing into another empty water bottle. : )
It was shopping time at Glorietta. Strangely, in the bigger Mall of Asia, the kids didn't find anything they liked. And they complained that it was too big and took lots of walking around, which tired them. So I decided to take them to my more familiar Glorietta.
We are like a little army when we go on our shopping sprees together. The kids know the Standard Operating Procedure by heart. I inform them of their individual budgets and the time allotted for their shopping. Then, they are let loose. They just come back to me when their baskets are full and their budgets are used; I stand by the counter waiting to pay.
So this time, we arrived at Glorietta by 6pm. Paolo and Bea had their spree at Toy Kingdom first. As the boys' toy section was in a separate store from the girls, Thea and I agreed that she'll go with Paolo while I go with Bea. Paolo had P800 of his own money saved up, while Bea had P500. I just added P1000 more to each of them, and they had until 700pm to do their shopping.
When they were done, I asked the two little ones to sit by a divan at the department store while Thea and I shopped for her clothes. I explicitly told the two little ones to not entertain any stranger and to stay close to their packages. I also asked the department store sales staff to keep an eye on them while I shopped with their elder sister, who wanted to spend all of her savings and the budget I gave her on clothes, and a music cd or a book.
By 8pm, they had all their shopping done and we ate their favorite chicken dinner at Max's.
We had to do the toy and clothes shopping that day as I planned for them to stay at the hotel the next day, while Honey and I went for our U.S. visa interview. Even if they were cooped up in the hotel, at least they had their new toys, books and other stuff to occupy them with.
July 19, 12:30pm was Honey's and my appointment schedule for the visa interview, but we left the hotel early and arrived at the U.S. Embassy by 1030am. It was Honey's first time, while it was my third time. I don't know which is better-- to be a neophyte or an old hand. In some ways, Honey's exuberant excitement touched me. In other ways, I am glad I am more sober and realisic this time. I had two very unpleasant visits before, not so much because of the visa refusal, but because of the process and the people that went along with it.
This time was very different, though. Not only am I going for an interview at mid-day (my first two interviews before were at 730am; that meant I had to wake up as early as 4am; not a good way to start the day), I was most surprised by the very pleasant, courteous and educated Filipino staff greeting us and guiding us with the steps in the process. My experiences before had to to with arrogant and burly-looking Filipino security guards who treated us as if we were cattle or convicts to be processed!
I looked even prettier and felt even more secure within my self this time, too. Although I prayed hard for a quick, easy and pleasant visa issuance for me and Honey so we could visit Mama soon, I was also very calm and centered about it all, not really attached to the outcome, in que sera sera attitude mode.
It was a long queue and wait to submit our passport, D156 and D157 forms. Then, it was another long queue and wait for finger scanning. By the time we got to the interview hall, it was already past 12:30pm and the consuls were taking their lunch break.
I guess that was a good thing, as when the consuls came back from their break, Honey and I were among the first to be interviewed. In fact, Honey was the first, at number 3175, while I was two people later at number 3178. She was assigned to Window 6 while I to Window 10.
The consul didn't even ask for her papers; he just asked her about her work and her family life. I was sitting, watching out for her envelope which contained her documents. Hearsay tells us that if you are asked for your documents, then you are on precarious grounds. Her envelope didn't disappear, even as I prayed. When Honey turned to me with a big smile and a thumbs up sign, I was suddenly happy for her and relieved, of course!
When it was my turn to go to my assigned consul at Window 10, somebody else was inserted ahead of me by one of the Embassy staff by mistake. So, I was redirected to the next available window, Window 6, the window Honey just left! : )
The consul was a young, goodlooking gentleman with a light, friendly aura. He greeted me first and I greeted him back with a smile, as I showed him my passport and two forms. He only asked me two questions-- what is "PJ" in my works as "PJ trainer", and what did I do in Hungary and Romania in 2001!
After that he said, "Okay", and I heaved a sigh of relief, too.
But then, he said, "I'm sorry..." and I held my breath again. And then, he continued, "... the computer's so slow." And then I flashed him a big smile and said, "It's okay, I can wait."
So, to while the time, he asked me more questions...
- Is your father still alive?
- Is he in the States too?
- Do you have children?
- How old are they?
- How long has your mom been sick?
And I answered everything calmly and straight to the point, elaborating only with more information when necessary. He also didn't ask to see any more of my documents, which I had prepared in my envelope.
All the while, I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I lightly crossed them against my chest instead. (I first thought of just holding them together, but it was too beauty-queenish or first lady-ish! Heehee.)
Still, the general effect was that I looked relaxed and confident yet serious too, and the consul and I were just chatting.
After 5 minutes, he gave me my yellow slip of paper, which had instructions to go to the official courier to process the mailing of my visa.
I said my thank yous and walked away, dazed, though. I couldn't believe it was happening! Some part of me actually hesitated and waited for him to return my passport! Until I saw him signal to the staff to call in the next applicant.
Needless to say more, Honey and I got our visas (Tope and his wife and child already got theirs weeks ago) and we can now see Mama soon!!! : ) : ) : )
Ohhhhhh, after 4 years since we last saw Mama!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!
***
The next two days was a blur of last-minute short trips around Manila; the kids and I went back to the Museo Pambata, and then to the Mall of Asia, for a book Thea wanted to buy.
Then, on July 20, 10am, it was time to go home. The hotel car took us to the Aboitiz Superferry Terminal 15 for our trip back home.
It was quite an experience, too, all four of us-- the kids and I-- lugging around 10 medium to heavy luggage and packages, queueing in line for checks, and then further walking across the port grounds to climb up to our ship at last. When we got to our air conditioned suite, we collapsed on the bed, in perspiration, thirst and exhaustion!
The kids soon recovered by making bubble baths for themselves in the suite bathroom tub, while I slept most of the afternoon away. By late afternoon , I woke up and we toured the ship. The evening was lazy; the two little ones played computer games at one of the ship's shops, while Thea and I read. We ate at the dining hall and retired early, not after the kids took another bubble bath though. : )
We arrived in Bacolod at 11am of Saturday, July 21. Honey's best friend and my friend, too, Emily, along with her husband and daughter, invited us to dinner and karaoke singing at Cafe Breizh, with all our kids, last night, to celebrate God's Providence, and good times again. (Thea wowed us with her rendition of Cruisin', in a duet with Tito Ping; and a solo of Barbra Streisand's Memories!)
A fitting end to a wonderful, blessed, abundant week of God's Goodness!!! Thank you, God!!! (Thank you, even, for the beautiful sunny yet windy weather all throughout!!!)
On to more good times now, dear heart. : )
P.S. Initial pics here.
We arrived yesterday via Superferry 19, tired and spent but happy and satisfied too from a long, busy and successful week, where quite a number of dreams came true!
First, it was the trip itself. When I won my first PBBY Salanga Prize in 2004, I could only take Paolo, as he adamantly refused to be left at home. The girls and I half-jokingly consoled ourselves with the thought that we'd all be together next time, by the next award. Haha. As if the PBBY Salanga Prize gets awarded to the same person more than once, as a matter of course.
Then, it was the financial means to afford the trip without feeling tight, thanks to Mama's bighearted generosity, as well as my high school friend Melanie's (nicknamed Miz) surprise treat our first day there. She, her sister Lynnie and their driver picked us up at the hotel and treated us to a sumptous lunch at Emerald Garden (Chinese) Restauarant. Paolo even got to order one full steamed crab dish all to himself!
Then, they took us to the new Mall of Asia, where, even as the kids and I decided among ourselves that we'd just browse and window shop and come back another day for the stuff we really wanted to buy, Miz and Lynnie secretly bought the kids even more surprise treats, as well as paid for our grocery (Miz and I went to the hypermarket-- yes, that's what it's called--together before going home; she to buy food for her home, me to buy food for our hotel stay, knowing how the kids love to snack when cooped up)!!!
Then, we had a most wonderful and memorable awarding rites during the National Children's Book Day (July 17) at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. We arrived half an hour earlier so I wasn't so rushed like last time. It gave me time to get to know new people there, as well as chat with old friends in the business.
I didn't have an acceptance speech prepared; I thought there wouldn't be any as it wasn't in the Programme. But, when I was asked to give one, the words just flowed from my heart. I could see a lot of people in the audience nodding, with eyes shining, as if I have touched some deep truth in them too.
I even had more requests for autographs this time, and more media interviews (Manila Bulletin, Junior Inquirer, RPN). It was more memorable for two tidbits: one journalist from a local daily asked me for a donation for his hernia operation (!) and when lunch was ready but I was still busy signing autographs and entertaining media interviews, Paolo threw a sulking tantrum and accused me of prioritizing others instead of hungry him! : )
Oh, well.
I was able to nicely turn the journalist down, and Paolo was soon pacified, when I personally prepared his lunch choices from the buffet table, even as my sister Honey cajoled him back to good humor.
I had an interesting insight there, though, about how men, as early as little boyhood, already demand their significant woman's full attention almost at all times, and when they don't get it, they "tantrumize"! : )
I had also insights as to how women have different ways of dealing with it. Honey both cajoled and threatened him, while I just let him be, until he came back to me, of his own accord. : ) That seems to be our general style in treating the men in our lives, too. Heehee....
In the afternoon after the awarding, the kids had a grand time playing with the gadgets and exhibits at the interactive Museo Pambata. We initially also wanted to go inside the Manila Planetarium, but we had to pay for 50 people's entrance fee (totalling P1,500) if we wanted to watch the planetary show, too! Ugh. No go for this time; but we can save up for it and do it next time. The kids weren't really so keen on it but I wanted them to experience the same highs I did when I watched the planetary show my self 20 years ago, when I was still in college and visiting my cousins in Manila for the summer.
The next day, July 18, we went to the Manila Zoo in the morning, then returned to the hotel by noon. We were fetched by a coaster rented by the Far East Broadcasting Co., who wanted to do an interview with me at their compound in Karuhatan, Valenzuela City. As we four climbed up the airconditioned coaster meant for 20 people, Paolo whispered loudly and grinned, "I feel important!" : )
It was quite a long ride, around an hour and a half, and the kids fell asleep. When Paolo woke up, he asked to pee, but we couldn't stop as we were in the middle of traffic, so I asked him to pee in the empty water bottle we had available. He delighted at the thought and promptly went to the back of the coaster to do his thing. He returned with a half-bottle full of yellowish liquid and wondered what his sisters would do if they mistakenly drank from it as soon as they woke up! I humored him in his scenario-building and we both giggled at the different scenarios he created in his mind. In the end, his kind heart won out and he asked me to set the bottle aside, far from the snack bag we carried, so his sisters wouldn't mistake it for juice. : )
The interview was special, too. I was interviewed by Doc Luis (Dr. Luis Gatmaitan), a famed children's book author himself, for their Wan Dey, Isang Araw storytelling program aired on Saturdays at 9am (see www.febc.ph and click on "Listen to the Radio" or something like it). (I will announce here later when our interview will be aired; as well as post the pictures from the awarding rites and the pictures from the radio interview, after Doc Luis emails the pictures to me.)
I was a bit anxious at first, but Doc Luis was good in orienting me, calming me and getting our conversation to run smoothly and freely, like we were just chatting, and so I was able to share more of my deeper thoughts and feelings, and I could tell I also touched some deep chords, as the radio engineer and staff who were listening in nodded along. There were two other children's book auhors, too,-- Robert Magnuson (of "Mister Beetle's Many Rooms" and "Diego and Marie's A Secret Sense of Home" and Beng Alba (of "Ang Batang Ayaw Maligo" fame)--who were to be interviewed after me, and their nodding along too affirmed me and made me feel more confident about sharing more. Doc Luis also took many pictures of us three writers, and then of me, and me with the kids, as well as me with the staff. Needless to say, the kids and I felt like celebrity, and I had more than my 15 minutes of fame! : )
After the radio interview with a late lunch of healthy sandwiches and iced tea, the coaster took us back, where we requested to be dropped off at Glorietta. It was another hour and a half ride to Makati, but this time the kids entertained themselves by fiddling on the radio channels. Paolo had to pee again, too, and he was an expert this time at peeing into another empty water bottle. : )
It was shopping time at Glorietta. Strangely, in the bigger Mall of Asia, the kids didn't find anything they liked. And they complained that it was too big and took lots of walking around, which tired them. So I decided to take them to my more familiar Glorietta.
We are like a little army when we go on our shopping sprees together. The kids know the Standard Operating Procedure by heart. I inform them of their individual budgets and the time allotted for their shopping. Then, they are let loose. They just come back to me when their baskets are full and their budgets are used; I stand by the counter waiting to pay.
So this time, we arrived at Glorietta by 6pm. Paolo and Bea had their spree at Toy Kingdom first. As the boys' toy section was in a separate store from the girls, Thea and I agreed that she'll go with Paolo while I go with Bea. Paolo had P800 of his own money saved up, while Bea had P500. I just added P1000 more to each of them, and they had until 700pm to do their shopping.
When they were done, I asked the two little ones to sit by a divan at the department store while Thea and I shopped for her clothes. I explicitly told the two little ones to not entertain any stranger and to stay close to their packages. I also asked the department store sales staff to keep an eye on them while I shopped with their elder sister, who wanted to spend all of her savings and the budget I gave her on clothes, and a music cd or a book.
By 8pm, they had all their shopping done and we ate their favorite chicken dinner at Max's.
We had to do the toy and clothes shopping that day as I planned for them to stay at the hotel the next day, while Honey and I went for our U.S. visa interview. Even if they were cooped up in the hotel, at least they had their new toys, books and other stuff to occupy them with.
July 19, 12:30pm was Honey's and my appointment schedule for the visa interview, but we left the hotel early and arrived at the U.S. Embassy by 1030am. It was Honey's first time, while it was my third time. I don't know which is better-- to be a neophyte or an old hand. In some ways, Honey's exuberant excitement touched me. In other ways, I am glad I am more sober and realisic this time. I had two very unpleasant visits before, not so much because of the visa refusal, but because of the process and the people that went along with it.
This time was very different, though. Not only am I going for an interview at mid-day (my first two interviews before were at 730am; that meant I had to wake up as early as 4am; not a good way to start the day), I was most surprised by the very pleasant, courteous and educated Filipino staff greeting us and guiding us with the steps in the process. My experiences before had to to with arrogant and burly-looking Filipino security guards who treated us as if we were cattle or convicts to be processed!
I looked even prettier and felt even more secure within my self this time, too. Although I prayed hard for a quick, easy and pleasant visa issuance for me and Honey so we could visit Mama soon, I was also very calm and centered about it all, not really attached to the outcome, in que sera sera attitude mode.
It was a long queue and wait to submit our passport, D156 and D157 forms. Then, it was another long queue and wait for finger scanning. By the time we got to the interview hall, it was already past 12:30pm and the consuls were taking their lunch break.
I guess that was a good thing, as when the consuls came back from their break, Honey and I were among the first to be interviewed. In fact, Honey was the first, at number 3175, while I was two people later at number 3178. She was assigned to Window 6 while I to Window 10.
The consul didn't even ask for her papers; he just asked her about her work and her family life. I was sitting, watching out for her envelope which contained her documents. Hearsay tells us that if you are asked for your documents, then you are on precarious grounds. Her envelope didn't disappear, even as I prayed. When Honey turned to me with a big smile and a thumbs up sign, I was suddenly happy for her and relieved, of course!
When it was my turn to go to my assigned consul at Window 10, somebody else was inserted ahead of me by one of the Embassy staff by mistake. So, I was redirected to the next available window, Window 6, the window Honey just left! : )
The consul was a young, goodlooking gentleman with a light, friendly aura. He greeted me first and I greeted him back with a smile, as I showed him my passport and two forms. He only asked me two questions-- what is "PJ" in my works as "PJ trainer", and what did I do in Hungary and Romania in 2001!
After that he said, "Okay", and I heaved a sigh of relief, too.
But then, he said, "I'm sorry..." and I held my breath again. And then, he continued, "... the computer's so slow." And then I flashed him a big smile and said, "It's okay, I can wait."
So, to while the time, he asked me more questions...
- Is your father still alive?
- Is he in the States too?
- Do you have children?
- How old are they?
- How long has your mom been sick?
And I answered everything calmly and straight to the point, elaborating only with more information when necessary. He also didn't ask to see any more of my documents, which I had prepared in my envelope.
All the while, I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I lightly crossed them against my chest instead. (I first thought of just holding them together, but it was too beauty-queenish or first lady-ish! Heehee.)
Still, the general effect was that I looked relaxed and confident yet serious too, and the consul and I were just chatting.
After 5 minutes, he gave me my yellow slip of paper, which had instructions to go to the official courier to process the mailing of my visa.
I said my thank yous and walked away, dazed, though. I couldn't believe it was happening! Some part of me actually hesitated and waited for him to return my passport! Until I saw him signal to the staff to call in the next applicant.
Needless to say more, Honey and I got our visas (Tope and his wife and child already got theirs weeks ago) and we can now see Mama soon!!! : ) : ) : )
Ohhhhhh, after 4 years since we last saw Mama!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!
***
The next two days was a blur of last-minute short trips around Manila; the kids and I went back to the Museo Pambata, and then to the Mall of Asia, for a book Thea wanted to buy.
Then, on July 20, 10am, it was time to go home. The hotel car took us to the Aboitiz Superferry Terminal 15 for our trip back home.
It was quite an experience, too, all four of us-- the kids and I-- lugging around 10 medium to heavy luggage and packages, queueing in line for checks, and then further walking across the port grounds to climb up to our ship at last. When we got to our air conditioned suite, we collapsed on the bed, in perspiration, thirst and exhaustion!
The kids soon recovered by making bubble baths for themselves in the suite bathroom tub, while I slept most of the afternoon away. By late afternoon , I woke up and we toured the ship. The evening was lazy; the two little ones played computer games at one of the ship's shops, while Thea and I read. We ate at the dining hall and retired early, not after the kids took another bubble bath though. : )
We arrived in Bacolod at 11am of Saturday, July 21. Honey's best friend and my friend, too, Emily, along with her husband and daughter, invited us to dinner and karaoke singing at Cafe Breizh, with all our kids, last night, to celebrate God's Providence, and good times again. (Thea wowed us with her rendition of Cruisin', in a duet with Tito Ping; and a solo of Barbra Streisand's Memories!)
A fitting end to a wonderful, blessed, abundant week of God's Goodness!!! Thank you, God!!! (Thank you, even, for the beautiful sunny yet windy weather all throughout!!!)
On to more good times now, dear heart. : )
P.S. Initial pics here.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
unsent, unsaid...
it was you who first gave up on us, M, ... even before we first met in person.
we were just having a difficult time, and I was doing all I can to make it right, from my end, struggling with my self, working with my self, growing my self...
but, what did you do?
it hurts that you let go instead, and let somebody else in...
somebody who isn't even at par with us, and somebody who bored your mind stiff even, you even admit that now, now that more time has passed.
what else did you expect me to say or do, except to finally let go, too, move away and try to move on?
you gave up, M, just when we were so close.
***
of course she would be nice and accommodating and helpful to you. it's her job. you PAY HER to be nice and accommodating and helpful, and to do as you ask. you don't see that, do you? you kid yourself to be soo wanted by her for who you are, when she doesn't even know who you are!
of course her friends and family would all bow down to you; in their eyes, you are a good enough American Dream personified, their ticket to a better life than all the lifetimes they knew.
this is the really insulting and laughable part, except that it hurts even so, how you could allow yourself to be blinded by superficial adulation, and to be used so.
you've shown me a side of you that was suddenly so childish, immature, infantile even... for someone of your breeding and intellect and finesse... or so i thought.
you've shown me a side of you that is suddenly... downright stupid.
this last part hurts the most, and one i definitely did not expect from you.
in my eyes, you just suddenly became very.... common. ordinary.
maybe you deserve to be with her after all; i cannot help you out of that mess you foolishly plunged your self into. for sure, she deserves somebody like you, unless you remember again Who You Really Are.
we were just having a difficult time, and I was doing all I can to make it right, from my end, struggling with my self, working with my self, growing my self...
but, what did you do?
it hurts that you let go instead, and let somebody else in...
somebody who isn't even at par with us, and somebody who bored your mind stiff even, you even admit that now, now that more time has passed.
what else did you expect me to say or do, except to finally let go, too, move away and try to move on?
you gave up, M, just when we were so close.
***
of course she would be nice and accommodating and helpful to you. it's her job. you PAY HER to be nice and accommodating and helpful, and to do as you ask. you don't see that, do you? you kid yourself to be soo wanted by her for who you are, when she doesn't even know who you are!
of course her friends and family would all bow down to you; in their eyes, you are a good enough American Dream personified, their ticket to a better life than all the lifetimes they knew.
this is the really insulting and laughable part, except that it hurts even so, how you could allow yourself to be blinded by superficial adulation, and to be used so.
you've shown me a side of you that was suddenly so childish, immature, infantile even... for someone of your breeding and intellect and finesse... or so i thought.
you've shown me a side of you that is suddenly... downright stupid.
this last part hurts the most, and one i definitely did not expect from you.
in my eyes, you just suddenly became very.... common. ordinary.
maybe you deserve to be with her after all; i cannot help you out of that mess you foolishly plunged your self into. for sure, she deserves somebody like you, unless you remember again Who You Really Are.
How Can You Tell Messages from the Ego and from the Soul?
Reprinted from Class 11 of the free online meditation course (highly recommended, i've been learning with it and growing in my meditation since January!) from Meditation Society of Australia--
The single most asked question we have come across is "how do I tell what are the messages of my ego and those of my soul?" To be true the ego and the soul have an existence within each other and so there is a measure of blurring between their realities but for the purposes of this class, let's separate them at their poles, so that we might more easily understand their nature and where they overlap.
What is the nature of the ego?
The ego is a construction of self arising entirely from externals. What the physical senses perceive, the intellect can calculate and memory can remember about us entirely composes the ego.
It is a differentiating mechanism constantly calculating how it is different from the next person or thing, and more than this it fervently seeks to place itself at least 1cm above its surrounds.
As it defines itself by these externals, it also attaches and binds itself to them for its sense of self and fulfilment. For example, it is the ego that believes that having a shiny new car that is faster and more expensive than everyone else's in the street will contribute to it's sense of self and fulfilment, and it is the same ego that is disappointed five minutes after buying it with the realisation that somewhere else there is someone with a car that is shinier and faster and more expensive. This also applies to the way the ego interacts with other people. Social interactions become competitions because the ego needs to be at least 1cm above the next.
The ultimate goal of the ego is to be rich and famous possessing everyone and everything with all succumbing to it.
For the ego everything is conditional, everywhere a marketplace. "What I do for you is in exactly the same measure (or if I am smart(?), less!) than what you have already done for me. I will love you, if you love me etc. Nothing is given without an ulterior motive.
The ego is extremely defensive, to the death, in fact, of it's present state of mind, passionately fearing change and blaming everything but itself for any malaise.
The ego believes that it is the alpha and omega of you, a finite being with a birth and a death stuck in a fight with time and fate.
The soul is a revelation of the real self arising from within.
When someone speaks of 'finding oneself' they are usually speaking of a series of experiences of the soul. If it is that there is a force or universal soul or God that lies at the heart of every atom, then the individual soul is a portion of it. Though to speak of a portion of infinity is impossible and this is exactly the point, because this 'portion' is nothing other than, in fact, the whole. Each of us holds the kingdom of heaven within.
The sense of the soul is perceived by a suspension of the ego, an opening of the heart and an intuitive flow of love or peace or joy or wisdom will inevitably pervade.
The soul is a oneness understanding, joining not only humanity, but all things in the profound wisdom of love.
It enjoys competition as within a real family, to empower and encourage each other to higher and higher heights.
As the soul feels itself within all things it has no desire to bind or possess things to oneself. It feels that since we are all the oceans and the mountains and the skies and the flowers, how can there be ownership? We are all an infinite portion of each other.
The ultimate goal of the soul is to divinise the ego. To flood all egos with the unconditional and infinite love and empowerment of the entire universe so that it might also perceive itself as many and separate, but One and whole.
For the soul, everything is a oneness-heaven where each of us contributes to the collective and each of us is empowered by it.
It constantly challenges our present state of mind when we limit ourselves to the ego by telling us 'You are not that! You are not the body, you are not the mind or ego, you are not finite and bound by time, you are infinite and eternal'
This is why the measure of a real spiritual person is their genuine humility. The higher one journeys the more one realises that the source, the power and the destination of the journey are the one universal soul or God. All we ever do is reveal this reality. Our ownership of even our actions should never be egoic but reveal the intuitive flow of wisdom and love of the universe.
The blurring
As we said in the beginning there is a definite blurring of realities of the soul and the ego. The ego is on a journey, just like every other part of our nature. from darkness to light, from ignorance to total awareness of the soul. It is meant to be an instrument of the soul, not in competition with it, and you will notice if you haven't already that gradually it will be illumined by the light of the soul and it's sense of itself will gradually enlarge until ultimately the divine ego, feels itself within all.
"We dance to a whispered voice. Overheard by the soul. Undertook by the heart.
And you may know it. If you may know it."
— Neil Diamond from Soundtrack for "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"
After all this - it is time for reflection
So now comes the time where instead of philosophising we observe what we are doing in our lives. How are our present day-to-day behaviours affected by this. Is it possible to live in the soul amidst the hurly-burly of modern life? The answer obviously, is a resounding YES!
To come back to our original question - 'How do I tell if the messages I am receiving are from my soul or my ego?' Well, especially in the beginning it is not so easy. We have spent such a long time ignoring the messages of our soul and listening entirely to our ego that the volume is very loud on our ego and perhaps just a whisper from our soul.
As everything, it requires practise.
It also requires honesty and a large measure of bravery.
Honesty to just listen, not to return to the habits of the ego in constructing a voice that we want to hear, and bravery to follow the messages of the soul, that are often challenging (as they obviously should be!) and sometimes illogical from a worldly point of view.
If you are not immediately intuitively aware that the message you are receiving is from your soul, then try and stop everything and really explore it in a meditation. Messages of your soul, should immediately be accompanied by joy as their nature is the flow of love.
(Emphasis mine.)
If you are still not sure than you need to consciously question the source of the voice, honestly checking its credentials against all the criteria above. You must also realise that exactly the same action can be performed egoically and again completely soulfully, so it is often not the action that needs to be critically contemplated but the place from where the action is performed.
Either way, if you are still not sure, try as soulfully as you can to take a step down the path that your 'voice' is extolling you to, and immediately stop and meditate and go through the process again, having taken one step. You will see that having gone through the above, you should definitely be feeling joy, if not, stop - it is most likely not a message of your heart.
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