by Barry Manilow
Sometimes it's hard to believe
how simple life can be
just when you think
you'll never reach the end
you're finally round the bend
and see
there's no need to cry anymore
life's better than before
yesterday fades away into the past
the pain you thought would last
is gone
and you begin again
sometimes you lose,
sometimes you win
but you begin again
even though you're heart is breaking
in time, the sun will shine
and you'll begin again
you'll begin again
life's bittersweet mystery
never tells what will be
you can create your own reality
and make your dreams come true
it's really up to you
if you begin again
sometimes you lose,
sometimes you win
but you begin again
even though your heart is breaking
in time, the sun will shine
and you'll begin again
you'll begin again
When you begin again
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
1528
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails
sent and received
back and forth
over the course
of 381 days,
13 moons, and
the breadth,
depth,
height
of all the joys,
and sorrows,
growing,
and learning
Love can bring.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails,
but each mailbox page
deleted
lifts,
lightens,
frees.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails
and
it's all worth
everything
i've got
i gave.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails
but
they don't belong here
anymore.
erasing
1528 emails
sent and received
back and forth
over the course
of 381 days,
13 moons, and
the breadth,
depth,
height
of all the joys,
and sorrows,
growing,
and learning
Love can bring.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails,
but each mailbox page
deleted
lifts,
lightens,
frees.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails
and
it's all worth
everything
i've got
i gave.
it's taking some time
erasing
1528 emails
but
they don't belong here
anymore.
Today's Quotes
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
-Anais Nin
***
From "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
In order to ensure our progress toward the goal of enlightenment, the Holy Spirit has a highly individualized curriculum for everyone. Every encounter, every circumstance can be used by Him for His purposes. He translates between our perfect cosmic self, and our worldly insanity. He enters into the illusion and leads us beyond it. He uses love to create more love, and He responds to fear as a call for love.
-Anais Nin
***
From "A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles" by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
In order to ensure our progress toward the goal of enlightenment, the Holy Spirit has a highly individualized curriculum for everyone. Every encounter, every circumstance can be used by Him for His purposes. He translates between our perfect cosmic self, and our worldly insanity. He enters into the illusion and leads us beyond it. He uses love to create more love, and He responds to fear as a call for love.
Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it. To become a miracle worker means to take part in a spiritual underground that's revitalizing the world, participating in a revolution of the world's values at the deepest possible level.
We're all assigned a piece of the garden, a corner of the universe that is ours to transform. Our corner of the universe is our own life--our relationships, our homes, our work, our current circumstances--exactly as they are. Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Symptoms of Inner Peace
Some signs and symptoms of inner peace (originally from Emi Rose's blog):
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom).
- Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
- Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
- An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The Retrieval of Intuition As Initiation
notes from Chapter 3 of 'Women Who Run With the Wolves" by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola-Estes, again and again, to remind my self that I am on the right track, no matter what the rest may say:
To possess good intuition, goodly power, causes work. It causes work firstly in the watching and comprehending of negative forces and imbalances both inward and outward. Secondly, it causes striving in the gathering up of will in order to do something about what one sees, be it for good, or balance, or to allow something to die.
I will not lie to you; it is easier to throw away the light and go to sleep. For with it, we clearly see all sides of ourselves and others, both the disfigured and the divine and all conditions in between.
Yet, with this light the miracles of deep beauty in the world and in humans come to consciousness. With this penetrating light one can see past the bad action to the good heart, one can espy the sweet spirit crushed beneath hatred, one can understand much instead of being perplexed only. This light can differentiate layers of personality, intention, and motives in others. It can determine consciousness and unconsciousness in self and others. It is the wand of knowing. It is the mirror in which all things are sensed. It is the deep wild nature.
Yet, there are times when its reports are painful and almost too much to bear: for it also points out where there are betrayals brewing, where there is faintness of courage in those who speak otherwise. It points out envy lying like cold grease behind a warm smile; it points out the looks which are mere masks for dislike. As regards to oneself, its light is equally bright: it shines on our treasures and on our foibles.
The way to maintain one's connection to the wild is to ask yourself what is it that you want. One of the most important discriminations we can make in this matter is the difference between things that beckon to us and things that call from our souls.
We choose a thing because it just happened to be beneath our noses at that moment in time. It is not necessarily what we want, but it is interesting, and the longer we gaze at it, the more compelling it becomes.
When we are connected to the instinctual self, to the soul of the feminine which is natural and wild, then instead of looking over whatever happens to be on display, we say to ourselves, "What am I hungry for?" Without looking at anything outwardly, we venture inward and ask, "What do I long for? What do I wish for now? What do I crave? What do I desire? For what do I yearn?"
It takes spirit, will, and soulfulness and it often means holding out for what one wants.
Friday, June 22, 2007
My New Shortlist : )
single,
available,
honest,
trim and healthy,
positive,
responsible,
takes good care of himself and his life,
someone I can talk to,
someone I can also be happily quiet with,
noble,
kind,
brave,
true.
bring him on, Universe! : )
available,
honest,
trim and healthy,
positive,
responsible,
takes good care of himself and his life,
someone I can talk to,
someone I can also be happily quiet with,
noble,
kind,
brave,
true.
bring him on, Universe! : )
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Healing Talk
M and i finally had a good, long, deep and sincere healing talk last night, initiated by my humbly sharing with him my pain and grief and my confusion at how things suddenly changed so fast. i asked him a lot of painful questions, and he honestly answered all of them, to his credit, even as he shared too how it caused him pain to know i am in pain.
indeed the Truth does set one free, and how quickly so.
i could understand now our recent heated, conflicted communications over the past two months, and his quickly falling for another less... "trying" (his words, not mine).
it basically has to do with how we basically viewed marriage, or an ideal romantic relationship, at least.
he views it as one idyllic, as-much-as-possible conflict-free nice boat ride by a placid lake. row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... he even defines soulmate as someone who just happily and agreeably goes along with him almost all of the time (because they are temperementally the same?), so there is no conflict.
i learned, after much reflection, that i view it quite differently-- more like an Indiana Jones kind of adventure, sharing challenges and trials and lots of fun and laughter and stories especially after overcoming those challenges. my definition of soulmate is someone who is a true mate of my soul, challenging me when i am being less than who i am, and empowering me to grow beyond my comfort zones, so that my soul is truly growing and thriving and strengthening, sturdy against the vicissitudes of life.
to someone with his view, my kind of ideal relationship would indeed be "trying", if not downright scary and exhausting.
to someone with my kind of view, his kind of ideal relationship would be, at best, "interesting", but a ho-hum kind of interesting, and definitely boring after quite a while. i wouldn't want to stay there for long.
i can understand now why he was scared of my unpredictable, passionate nature, and-- in my view-- attacked it as something ugly and undesirable. his fear of me made me feel unwanted, undesirable and unloved, in the end.
i can understand now, too, why i was frustrated by his careful, reticent nature when it comes to addressing issues and conflict head on, which-- in my view-- tended towards the inconsistent, if not downright wishy-washy sometimes. my frustration with him probably made him feel pressured and as if "lacking" something essential as a man, not living up to my expectations, which probably made him feel like he was failing me in some important ways.
so, even if I still think he is my Soulmate-- he has been a worthy match for me, in terms of challenging me to grow further and grow up-- alas, he doesn't think I am his. that's not a good way to move on further in a romantic relationship. even Pollyana-ish me can see the futility of that.
if based on fairy tales as templates, probably his kind of ideal relationship is like Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White (no conflict between prince and princess; only conflicts with evil witches! : >). mine would be more like Beauty and the Beast, and Pocahontas. : )
the deep love and bond between us is still there, though, and-- after all is said and done-- even those that caused a lot of pain. we still both deeply feel and believe we can be at least, Best Friends for Life, as we cannot bear to live life without each other in it, at least, to share ideas and experiences with.
so we will begin again, as just Friends, this time, and see how it goes.
meanwhile, i wish him well with his newfound "true love" (he calls her, after only two weeks. :> cute. as i still think he is so clueless about what true loving really means; but then, we see the world differently, so he is right and i am right too...), as i move on my self, to more adventures!
now, i really should not take it personally anymore.
what a quickly healing, liberating thought!
P.S. today is exactly the one year anniversary of when we first communicated with each other. 'coming full circle, huh.
indeed the Truth does set one free, and how quickly so.
i could understand now our recent heated, conflicted communications over the past two months, and his quickly falling for another less... "trying" (his words, not mine).
it basically has to do with how we basically viewed marriage, or an ideal romantic relationship, at least.
he views it as one idyllic, as-much-as-possible conflict-free nice boat ride by a placid lake. row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... he even defines soulmate as someone who just happily and agreeably goes along with him almost all of the time (because they are temperementally the same?), so there is no conflict.
i learned, after much reflection, that i view it quite differently-- more like an Indiana Jones kind of adventure, sharing challenges and trials and lots of fun and laughter and stories especially after overcoming those challenges. my definition of soulmate is someone who is a true mate of my soul, challenging me when i am being less than who i am, and empowering me to grow beyond my comfort zones, so that my soul is truly growing and thriving and strengthening, sturdy against the vicissitudes of life.
to someone with his view, my kind of ideal relationship would indeed be "trying", if not downright scary and exhausting.
to someone with my kind of view, his kind of ideal relationship would be, at best, "interesting", but a ho-hum kind of interesting, and definitely boring after quite a while. i wouldn't want to stay there for long.
i can understand now why he was scared of my unpredictable, passionate nature, and-- in my view-- attacked it as something ugly and undesirable. his fear of me made me feel unwanted, undesirable and unloved, in the end.
i can understand now, too, why i was frustrated by his careful, reticent nature when it comes to addressing issues and conflict head on, which-- in my view-- tended towards the inconsistent, if not downright wishy-washy sometimes. my frustration with him probably made him feel pressured and as if "lacking" something essential as a man, not living up to my expectations, which probably made him feel like he was failing me in some important ways.
so, even if I still think he is my Soulmate-- he has been a worthy match for me, in terms of challenging me to grow further and grow up-- alas, he doesn't think I am his. that's not a good way to move on further in a romantic relationship. even Pollyana-ish me can see the futility of that.
if based on fairy tales as templates, probably his kind of ideal relationship is like Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White (no conflict between prince and princess; only conflicts with evil witches! : >). mine would be more like Beauty and the Beast, and Pocahontas. : )
the deep love and bond between us is still there, though, and-- after all is said and done-- even those that caused a lot of pain. we still both deeply feel and believe we can be at least, Best Friends for Life, as we cannot bear to live life without each other in it, at least, to share ideas and experiences with.
so we will begin again, as just Friends, this time, and see how it goes.
meanwhile, i wish him well with his newfound "true love" (he calls her, after only two weeks. :> cute. as i still think he is so clueless about what true loving really means; but then, we see the world differently, so he is right and i am right too...), as i move on my self, to more adventures!
now, i really should not take it personally anymore.
what a quickly healing, liberating thought!
P.S. today is exactly the one year anniversary of when we first communicated with each other. 'coming full circle, huh.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The Best Parts of Giving You Up
The best parts of giving you up, I suddenly appreciate more fully now.
Giving you up also means giving up:
the held breath,
the skip in two heartbeats
when an email comes up
or the phone rings
not expecting them
to be from you anyway.
even if they were,
i've given up
the delicious anticipation
of your words
or your voice,
as lately
i have actually come
to dread them anyway.
now,
i can go through my day
more clear-seeing
with surprising energies
for the myriad interests
and projects
i thank God
i have not given up too,
just because you were here.
strangely, too,
strangers come
out of the woodwork
from everywhere--
giving me
a kindly smile,
a friendly look,
more than a hint of interest.
and i am reminded
once again:
how good and valuable i am,
and how wrong you were.
although giving you up
meant giving up some old dreams
in deep sorrow;
it also means creating more new dreams
in expectant joy.
the bestest best part though
is giving up
the anger,
the pain,
the convoluted schemes
for revenge
to make you pay.
i am suddenly
truly
free!
hopelessness and hope;
emptiness and fullness;
darkness and Light--
each, both, all
and at the same time
in me.
denial,
bargaining,
anger,
depression,
acceptance--
Kubler-Ross says:
you go through them all,
and not exactly
in neat progression.
it's okay.
i'm embracing them all.
i'm embracing Me
again.
Embracing me.
That's even better
than bestest best. : )
Giving you up also means giving up:
the held breath,
the skip in two heartbeats
when an email comes up
or the phone rings
not expecting them
to be from you anyway.
even if they were,
i've given up
the delicious anticipation
of your words
or your voice,
as lately
i have actually come
to dread them anyway.
now,
i can go through my day
more clear-seeing
with surprising energies
for the myriad interests
and projects
i thank God
i have not given up too,
just because you were here.
strangely, too,
strangers come
out of the woodwork
from everywhere--
giving me
a kindly smile,
a friendly look,
more than a hint of interest.
and i am reminded
once again:
how good and valuable i am,
and how wrong you were.
although giving you up
meant giving up some old dreams
in deep sorrow;
it also means creating more new dreams
in expectant joy.
the bestest best part though
is giving up
the anger,
the pain,
the convoluted schemes
for revenge
to make you pay.
i am suddenly
truly
free!
hopelessness and hope;
emptiness and fullness;
darkness and Light--
each, both, all
and at the same time
in me.
denial,
bargaining,
anger,
depression,
acceptance--
Kubler-Ross says:
you go through them all,
and not exactly
in neat progression.
it's okay.
i'm embracing them all.
i'm embracing Me
again.
Embracing me.
That's even better
than bestest best. : )
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Independence Day
Today, I give you up.
You have hurt me enough--
with your blaming words,
accusing words,
always painting me
as the person causing you
all your troubles
and all your fears to rise up.
When I am just being
authentically,
wonderfully me--
honest,
kind,
following my Heart and Soul.
Your fears are yours,
not mine.
Take the shit back
to right where they belong:
with you.
Today, I give you up.
You will hurt me no more.
I deserve better,
someone finer,
someone mine-r,
someone who
celebrates me,
as I celebrate him,
and Life and Love and Laughter,
together
or apart.
Today, I give you up.
Read my hand:
stop talking to me already.
If I cause you
so much trouble,
why do you still
hound me so?
Narcissus
'also an old blog post here, originally written in November, 2004. 'funny how i keep resurrecting old posts from long ago now, like i'm running back into the Past and only meeting my Present, every time...
***
once i met a man
who was so proud--
he accused me of all
the darker things
he was.
now he surrounds himself
with women
who reflect back to him
all the brilliant things
he thinks
he is.
***
once i met a man
who was so proud--
he accused me of all
the darker things
he was.
now he surrounds himself
with women
who reflect back to him
all the brilliant things
he thinks
he is.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Remember Who You Are
i got this (and posted it here, too) almost a year ago, but i'm going to post this again here now, as it is still so appropriate to the trying situation i am especially finding my self in now--
The Little Soul and the Sun
The Little Soul and the Sun
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Message from the Universe
what a timely message i got from The Universe! : )
Disappointment, without anger, is the mark of an old soul.
The Universe
P.S. Clapping uproariously whenever a new challenge arises, Jeanette? Well, I say we keep that between us.
Disappointment, without anger, is the mark of an old soul.
Not being disappointed, Jeanette, is the mark of a really old soul.
And trusting life so thoroughly that every step on its path is valued more than where it was supposed to take you, is the mark of eternal youth.
You hottie,The Universe
P.S. Clapping uproariously whenever a new challenge arises, Jeanette? Well, I say we keep that between us.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Life Happens
For Mama, and Thea, and my dearest Friends A and L--
Life (shit, actually) has happened in the most unexpected of ways, and you know. So you might keep coming to my blogs to find out how I am, as I have refused to speak about it any further, for a while, anyway.
Please don't worry about me. I am fine now and thriving beautifully amidst the flux and chaos. As this blog quotes-- when Life happens to you, that is your opportunity to show to Life Who You Really Are.
And I have decided to handle this with the Wisdom and Beauty and Grace of a real Woman, not the grief and tantrums of a child.
I will be alright, and something Good is coming out of this, I trust, and I know.
I've been through worse before, and look how beautiful my life has become! : D Incidentally, today, June 8, is the 5th anniversary of when I left my marriage in 2002... so wish me a Happy Independence Day, too. : )
Thank you for all your Love and support. I appreciate it and am moved and comforted by it, more than I can say.
Love,
Me
Life (shit, actually) has happened in the most unexpected of ways, and you know. So you might keep coming to my blogs to find out how I am, as I have refused to speak about it any further, for a while, anyway.
Please don't worry about me. I am fine now and thriving beautifully amidst the flux and chaos. As this blog quotes-- when Life happens to you, that is your opportunity to show to Life Who You Really Are.
And I have decided to handle this with the Wisdom and Beauty and Grace of a real Woman, not the grief and tantrums of a child.
I will be alright, and something Good is coming out of this, I trust, and I know.
I've been through worse before, and look how beautiful my life has become! : D Incidentally, today, June 8, is the 5th anniversary of when I left my marriage in 2002... so wish me a Happy Independence Day, too. : )
Thank you for all your Love and support. I appreciate it and am moved and comforted by it, more than I can say.
Love,
Me
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Taking Responsibility
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Take responsibility
+++++++++++++++++++
Whatever your troubles may be, you can always find something
or someone else to blame. But there's nothing of real value
to be gained by doing so.
Certainly there are many factors that influence the events
and outcomes in your life. The best things to focus on,
however, are the things you can control.
Sure, the weather or the economy or the government or your
next-door neighbor may have inflicted some difficulties upon
your life. So what is the best way to move forward?
Resentment and anger will do little more than waste your
time and could likely make you ill. Building an elaborate
case of blame for what has happened will drain your energy
and leave you no further ahead than when you started.
Instead, consider forgiveness. Even though someone else may
be to blame, consider the freedom and power and control of
taking full responsibility for your own situation.
When you focus on blame, you position yourself as a helpless
victim. Choose instead to take responsibility, and you'll
live life on your own terms.
Ralph Marston
............................................................................
This is the Daily Motivator email edition.
Copyright (C) 2007 Ralph S. Marston, Jr. All rights reserved.
Visit The Daily Motivator web site at http://greatday.com for an
archive
of more than 2,500 daily messages, inspirational photos and more.
Heart and Soul
"We dance to a whispered voice. Overheard by the soul. Undertook by the heart.
And you may know it. If you may know it."
— Neil Diamond from Soundtrack for "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"
Faith
You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.
- Mary Manin Morrissey
- Mary Manin Morrissey
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Wounds of Wisdom
Turn your wounds into wisdom. You will be wounded many times in your life. You'll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction." It's just an experience, just an experience.
--Oprah Winfrey, Wellesley College commencement, 1997
--Oprah Winfrey, Wellesley College commencement, 1997
Monday, June 04, 2007
Love, by Kahlil Gibran
When Love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as Love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height
and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall Love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only Love's peace and Love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of Love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of Love,
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate Love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart
and a song of praise upon your lips.
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as Love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height
and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall Love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only Love's peace and Love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of Love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of Love,
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate Love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart
and a song of praise upon your lips.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Quotes for Today
Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are but princesses that are waiting to see us act just once with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest essence, something helpless that needs our love.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
***
Have compassion for your parents' childhoods. Know that you chose them because they were perfect for what you had to learn. Forgive them and set them free.
-Louise L. Hay
***
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
-Anaïs Nin
***
I have found the one in whom my soul delights.
- Song of Songs
-Rainer Maria Rilke
***
Have compassion for your parents' childhoods. Know that you chose them because they were perfect for what you had to learn. Forgive them and set them free.
-Louise L. Hay
***
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
-Anaïs Nin
***
I have found the one in whom my soul delights.
- Song of Songs
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Soulmates
favorite notes from the book (Soulmates: Following Inner Guidance to the Relationship of Your Dreams, by Carolyn Godschild Miller) i've been reading lately--
Soulmate relationships always require us to wrestle with differences. Indeed, teaching us to deal with the anger and frustration our ego generates whenever our interests seem to conflict with those of our partner is, in some sense, their very raison d'etre.
You see, the ability to love another unconditionally is a learning objective of soulmate relationships, not a talent with which people enter them. Our meant-to-be loves are our learning partners in a curriculum designed to awaken us from fearful illusions. As such it is their job to hold our feet to the fire whenever our false self prompts us to act from fear rather than love.
Far from being blissfully harmonious, soulmate unions can be intensely conflictual. This sort of domestic strife resembles the prying open of an oyster to reveal the priceless pearl within. Soulmates have knives that are very sharp indeed, and if we hold still long enough, they will find just the right places to insert them, and pry our defenses apart. When you start feeling as if your soulmate is tearing you apart, it may help to remember that you are the pearl and not the oyster!
Far from being perfect lovers, soulmates generally start out dividing their allegiance between their partners and their own egos. Sometimes they are generous, tender and supportive, but periodically they succumb to panic and try to withdraw from, or control, the relationship. In successful pairings, however, trust gradually comes to take the place of fear. Episodes of ego possession become less frequent, and don't last as long. The lovers eventually come to see separation from their mate as the problem, and not the solution.
If soulmates stay the course, they ultimately discover that Love is safe, and that their egos' tantrums over not getting to control everything aren't their problem. They transfer their loyalty to their partners, and abandon their self-images to their fates. It is only then that these "matches made in heaven" begin looking the way most of us intuitively expect them to be-- joyous, mutually supportive, and harmonious. But never forget that on the way to that happy state of affairs, a river of frustrated tears may be shed, and a great many doors slammed in anger!
***
Sure, your soulmate is going to drive you crazy from time to time. That's what he or she is there for!
Your job is to stand your ground and continue to love in the face of all the reasons your ego can manufacture to justify counterattack or withdrawal.
Just keep flushing the resentment out of your system with forgiveness, so that whatever is wholesome in the relationship will have a chance to grow.
***
The fact that you truly love someone is not a sufficient reason to embark upon a life partnership with him or her, and the fact that you aren't sure how much you care isn't always a good reason to duck a commitment.
The defining characteristic of soulmate relationships is shared purpose. What makes someone your ideal mate is neither love nor infatuation, but rather the fact that being with him or her is in alignment with your soul's reasons for being here.
The fact is that meant-to-be lovers don't just mean to be together, they also mean to do something together. Their alliances are spiritual laboratories in which two people unite to jointly discover and create the meaning of their lives.
The Love soulmates cultivate for each other is eventually destined to overflow the bounds of their relationship and nurture a thirsty world.
***
Recognizing soulmates/soulmate relationships:
- a deep sense of peaceful contentment in one' s soul, despite conflict
- you feel good/ you are who you truly are when you're with this person; and you truly enjoy each other, being with each other; you enjoy hanging out with each other!
- the way everything else seems to fall into place once we make our Love the first priority
- Love rests on a calm sense of deep TRUST
- feels RIGHT
- feeling of great COMFORT in each other's presence
- feeling of QUICK FAMILIARITY with each other's being/ immediate sense of RECOGNITION of each other's being
- feels NATURAL
- a deep sense of SHARED PURPOSE
Soulmate relationships always require us to wrestle with differences. Indeed, teaching us to deal with the anger and frustration our ego generates whenever our interests seem to conflict with those of our partner is, in some sense, their very raison d'etre.
You see, the ability to love another unconditionally is a learning objective of soulmate relationships, not a talent with which people enter them. Our meant-to-be loves are our learning partners in a curriculum designed to awaken us from fearful illusions. As such it is their job to hold our feet to the fire whenever our false self prompts us to act from fear rather than love.
Far from being blissfully harmonious, soulmate unions can be intensely conflictual. This sort of domestic strife resembles the prying open of an oyster to reveal the priceless pearl within. Soulmates have knives that are very sharp indeed, and if we hold still long enough, they will find just the right places to insert them, and pry our defenses apart. When you start feeling as if your soulmate is tearing you apart, it may help to remember that you are the pearl and not the oyster!
Far from being perfect lovers, soulmates generally start out dividing their allegiance between their partners and their own egos. Sometimes they are generous, tender and supportive, but periodically they succumb to panic and try to withdraw from, or control, the relationship. In successful pairings, however, trust gradually comes to take the place of fear. Episodes of ego possession become less frequent, and don't last as long. The lovers eventually come to see separation from their mate as the problem, and not the solution.
If soulmates stay the course, they ultimately discover that Love is safe, and that their egos' tantrums over not getting to control everything aren't their problem. They transfer their loyalty to their partners, and abandon their self-images to their fates. It is only then that these "matches made in heaven" begin looking the way most of us intuitively expect them to be-- joyous, mutually supportive, and harmonious. But never forget that on the way to that happy state of affairs, a river of frustrated tears may be shed, and a great many doors slammed in anger!
***
Sure, your soulmate is going to drive you crazy from time to time. That's what he or she is there for!
Your job is to stand your ground and continue to love in the face of all the reasons your ego can manufacture to justify counterattack or withdrawal.
Just keep flushing the resentment out of your system with forgiveness, so that whatever is wholesome in the relationship will have a chance to grow.
***
The fact that you truly love someone is not a sufficient reason to embark upon a life partnership with him or her, and the fact that you aren't sure how much you care isn't always a good reason to duck a commitment.
The defining characteristic of soulmate relationships is shared purpose. What makes someone your ideal mate is neither love nor infatuation, but rather the fact that being with him or her is in alignment with your soul's reasons for being here.
The fact is that meant-to-be lovers don't just mean to be together, they also mean to do something together. Their alliances are spiritual laboratories in which two people unite to jointly discover and create the meaning of their lives.
The Love soulmates cultivate for each other is eventually destined to overflow the bounds of their relationship and nurture a thirsty world.
***
Recognizing soulmates/soulmate relationships:
- a deep sense of peaceful contentment in one' s soul, despite conflict
- you feel good/ you are who you truly are when you're with this person; and you truly enjoy each other, being with each other; you enjoy hanging out with each other!
- the way everything else seems to fall into place once we make our Love the first priority
- Love rests on a calm sense of deep TRUST
- feels RIGHT
- feeling of great COMFORT in each other's presence
- feeling of QUICK FAMILIARITY with each other's being/ immediate sense of RECOGNITION of each other's being
- feels NATURAL
- a deep sense of SHARED PURPOSE
Saturday, May 19, 2007
I Believe My Heart
Whenever I see your face,
the world disappears,
All in a single glance so,
revealing.
You smile and I feel as though,
I've known you for years.
How do I know to trust what,
I'm feeling
I believe my heart,
What else can I do
When every part of every thought
leads me straight to you.
I believe my heart,
There's no other choice,
For now whenever my heart speaks,
I can only hear,
your voice
The life-time before we met,
has faded away.
How did I live a moment,
without you,
You don't have to speak at all,
I know what you'd say,
And I know every secret,
about you.
I believe my heart,
It believes in you,
It's telling me that what I see,
is completely true.
I believe my heart,
How can it be wrong
It says that what I feel for you
I will feel my whole life long.
I believe my heart.
It believes in you.
It's telling me that what I see is completely true.
And with all my soul
I believe my heart.
The portrait that it paints of you
is a perfect work,
of art.
Love Changes Everything
Love,
Love changes everything:
Hands and faces,
Earth and sky,
Love,
Love changes everything:
How you live and
How you die
Love
Can make the summer fly,
Or a night
Seem like a lifetime.
Yes, Love,
Love changes everything:
Now I tremble
At your name.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.
Love,
Love changes everything:
Days are longer,
Words mean more.
Love,
Love changes everything:
Pain is deeper
Than before.
Love
Will turn your world around,
And that world
Will last for ever.
Yes, Love,
Love changes everything,
Brings you glory,
Brings you shame.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.
Off
Into the world we go,
Planning futures,
Shaping years.
Love,
Bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom
Disappears.
Love
Makes fools of everyone:
All the rules
We make are broken.
Yes, Love,
Love changes everyone.
Live or perish
In its flame.
Love will never,
Never let you
Be the same.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
A Long and Lasting Love (Once In A Lifetime)
* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time. The lyrics for this version is in the interactive box below. : )
A Long and Lasting Love (original Crystal Gayle version)
* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time.
A Long and Lasting Love (Gary Valenciano and Kuh Ledesma version)
* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time.
by Gary Valenciano with Kuh Ledesma
(Gerry Goffin/Michael Masser)
A long and lasting love
Not many people find it
But those who do
Their whole lives through
Put their heart and soul behind it
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen Love
A long and lasting love
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
A long and lasting love
We share for many reasons
A special bond that goes beyond
The changing of the seasons
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Someone I can care for
Someone to be there for
The rest of my life
A long and lasting love
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen love
A long and lasting love.
by Gary Valenciano with Kuh Ledesma
(Gerry Goffin/Michael Masser)
A long and lasting love
Not many people find it
But those who do
Their whole lives through
Put their heart and soul behind it
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen Love
A long and lasting love
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
A long and lasting love
We share for many reasons
A special bond that goes beyond
The changing of the seasons
A long and lasting love
A long and lasting love
Someone I can care for
Someone to be there for
The rest of my life
A long and lasting love
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen love
A long and lasting love.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
what i learned today
i've long known and understood that fasting conserves and build energies up to a higher level of consciousness, mental clarity and self-awareness, but i never knew there was even such a term as "emotional fasting".
the term came to me while i was about to take a nap, thinking to my self that after the last intense few weeks with M (both blissfully and aggravatingly intense), i needed a break. in our mutual anticipation of being together for real soon, all our fears and worries came out, as we shared more of our deeper hopes and dreams.
well, too much of a good thing can get on one's nerves, too, leaving it frayed and frazzled. so as M takes another business trip there in preparation for setting up his dad's office here, i thought the little break would both do us good in calming us and preparing us for the changes and challenges that lie ahead.
and that's when the term came to me, "emotional fasting".
so i Google-searched it and found a number of fasting sites i liked, which i then bookmarked.
i learned today that:
- fasting isn't just the physical fasting from food or sex or any other attachment, although it's the common notion;
- meditation is mental fasting, prayer is spiritual fasting;
- there is such a concept as "emotional fasting";
- displeasing emotions can be easily traced to certain specific roots:
a. anger - unmet expectations
b. fear - threatened identity
c. sadness - suffering caused by ignorance/ mistaking the "veil of illusion" for Reality
- if you're angry, the quickest way to make the anger subside so you can think more clearly is to drink lots of water (douse fire/anger with water! : > ); and
- if you're fearful/worried/anxious (air element), the quickest way to overcome them is to eat ginger (fire element; get the air out with fire) and physical activity/exertion (earth; ground air into earth)!!!
i liked the rasa sadhana site so much, i'm seriously thinking now of adding emotional fasting (as it teaches), as well as juice and water fasting (both for spiritual development and physical improvement), to my repertoire of spiritual practices for this year.
the term came to me while i was about to take a nap, thinking to my self that after the last intense few weeks with M (both blissfully and aggravatingly intense), i needed a break. in our mutual anticipation of being together for real soon, all our fears and worries came out, as we shared more of our deeper hopes and dreams.
well, too much of a good thing can get on one's nerves, too, leaving it frayed and frazzled. so as M takes another business trip there in preparation for setting up his dad's office here, i thought the little break would both do us good in calming us and preparing us for the changes and challenges that lie ahead.
and that's when the term came to me, "emotional fasting".
so i Google-searched it and found a number of fasting sites i liked, which i then bookmarked.
i learned today that:
- fasting isn't just the physical fasting from food or sex or any other attachment, although it's the common notion;
- meditation is mental fasting, prayer is spiritual fasting;
- there is such a concept as "emotional fasting";
- displeasing emotions can be easily traced to certain specific roots:
a. anger - unmet expectations
b. fear - threatened identity
c. sadness - suffering caused by ignorance/ mistaking the "veil of illusion" for Reality
- if you're angry, the quickest way to make the anger subside so you can think more clearly is to drink lots of water (douse fire/anger with water! : > ); and
- if you're fearful/worried/anxious (air element), the quickest way to overcome them is to eat ginger (fire element; get the air out with fire) and physical activity/exertion (earth; ground air into earth)!!!
i liked the rasa sadhana site so much, i'm seriously thinking now of adding emotional fasting (as it teaches), as well as juice and water fasting (both for spiritual development and physical improvement), to my repertoire of spiritual practices for this year.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
summer
i just finished my morning walk around the village (4 rounds in an hour) and i feel good from the physical exertion, aside from the active meditation of clearing one's mind from the rhythm of one's walking.
i had a filling and delicious breakfast of fried and garlicked rice, sunny-side up, smoked hotdogs and fresh orange juice with Thea, Paolo and Redd (their cousin, who's slept over). Bea is still sound asleep.
i just finished taking pictures with my cellphone of Bea's makeshift clubhouse outside, which she built and arranged over the last two days.
Thea spent the whole night up on the computer, as usual, so after breakfast, she's now asleep. my teenage witch. : )
Redd is watching Spongebob Squarepants on cable tv, while Paolo must be out somewhere playing with the puppies. one of our four adult dogs recently gave birth to five puppies. that makes our canine pets 14 in all, excluding our only rabbit, Lucy.
Lucy and all our four grown-up dogs are females. while Lucy stays in her little cage just eating and getting fat, our dogs are very productive; we get like at least two births a year. most of the puppies we've given away. Thea has this black humor; she tells her friends that in the dog world, our home must be known as the "happy little whorehouse" as all the male dogs in the village have visited us, one time or another, to court our she-dogs.
after my shower in a few minutes, i'll be working on encoding the last two of the 134 news items for my MA project paper (yep, haven't finished yet; i've kept postponing my project paper defense!), so that i can start on data analysis this week, then write the whole paper over the weekend, so i can finally go through with my defense set for may 17 next week. my brother, Tope, and i will be defending our papers one after another; we decided to have the same defense schedule so we can split the costs of the snacks for the panelists. : )
next, i have other little To Dos lined up, as always; although i don't bash my self now when they don't get done as scheduled. i simply move them to another date or delegate them to somebody else altogether, when i can. sometimes, just doing nothing about them dissolves them away too. : )
this afternoon, the kids and i are going to the dentist's for our annual prophylaxis.
Stay in Joy. and, Let Go. i've kept repeating to my self since yesterday. a review of Joe Vitale's The Attractor Factor, which i finished last December 2005 yet. im giving my self these 3 days since yesterday to shift my energies to just Living in the Now again, and not think too much about the future and how i can prepare for it, worrying that i might not be too ready, etc.
it has mainly to do with M. i've manifested him and our beautiful relationship together (step 1, Decide What You Want). the last 10 months have been spent learning about each other and working through our doubts and our fears (step 2, Get Clear). now that we'll soon be together, i realized that we're moving into the last two steps-- Stay in Joy, and Let Go-- as the time for them has come. holding on, still discussing our relationship and where we want it headed, is passing. it's time to detach and let the Universe fully work its magic now. : )
it's interesting, though, how even the Universe playfully teases me about it now. as i consciously focus on not thinking about M and our relationship too much during these 3 days i've set for my self, the Universe leads me to situations where i am blatantly reminded of him. yesterday, i watched two films on dvd, Bride and Prejudice, and Little Miss Sunshine. both settings talked of the characters going to California, where M is right now.
okay, that's not too blatant yet. but consider this-- in Little Miss Sunshine, just as the credits rolled up, i was struck by a name on the executive production list. yes, you guessed it, it's M's first name, too. and then the next name that rolled up, had his last name!
i shook my head at that, and smiled ruefully. oh you, Universe, you!!!
later today, i'll post some pictures of Bea's clubhouse and the kids at home, to give a visual view of our day-to-day summertime bliss here. : )
oh, by the way, Paolo has his 3x MWF weekly volleyball lessons now, starting yesterday. the girls decided they just wanted to stay at home the whole summer and do as they pleased. Bea initially wanted to have swimming lessons, though, but after careful thought and my guiding her through her choices over the weekend, she opted for spending the P1200 set aside for the swimming lesson to buy some new trinkets, toys and new clothes instead. our little Ms. Efficient. : ) we agreed to do that when my next paycheck comes.
i'm enjoying my online Peace Journalism class with TPU, too. we are a small group of 7 course mates, from the U.S., Brazil, Canada, Belgium, Germany, Ireland and the Philippines, and the exchanges and differences in perspectives as we learn together are very stimulating and enriching.
'finished submitting last week another short story for children, to the Palanca Awards this time; and that same story plus another one, after i've polished them, of course, to my publisher. 'just wanted to get these stories out so i can focus on starting new ones (my target is one story a month) starting June, when my one year's leave starts.
'have finished reviewing and approving the art for Tight Times, too, and yesterday, Adarna (my publisher) asked me to draft my brief bio and send them my latest picture and email address, for the book's blurb, even as they sent me the art for the book cover. Serj Bumatay, the winning artist, is great! all i did was gush over his art. nothing to "disapprove"... : )
the book will be launched on July 17, during the PBBY Salanga and Alcala Prizes' awarding ceremonies, during National Children's Book Day, at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. : ) i'm taking Thea, Paolo and Bea with me to Manila to witness the event, this time (last time i could afford to only take Paolo, and with Mama's help, my sister Honey and brother Tope). i wish Mama and Papa would be there, too.
life is good. God is great. thank You, Universe!!!
i had a filling and delicious breakfast of fried and garlicked rice, sunny-side up, smoked hotdogs and fresh orange juice with Thea, Paolo and Redd (their cousin, who's slept over). Bea is still sound asleep.
i just finished taking pictures with my cellphone of Bea's makeshift clubhouse outside, which she built and arranged over the last two days.
Thea spent the whole night up on the computer, as usual, so after breakfast, she's now asleep. my teenage witch. : )
Redd is watching Spongebob Squarepants on cable tv, while Paolo must be out somewhere playing with the puppies. one of our four adult dogs recently gave birth to five puppies. that makes our canine pets 14 in all, excluding our only rabbit, Lucy.
Lucy and all our four grown-up dogs are females. while Lucy stays in her little cage just eating and getting fat, our dogs are very productive; we get like at least two births a year. most of the puppies we've given away. Thea has this black humor; she tells her friends that in the dog world, our home must be known as the "happy little whorehouse" as all the male dogs in the village have visited us, one time or another, to court our she-dogs.
after my shower in a few minutes, i'll be working on encoding the last two of the 134 news items for my MA project paper (yep, haven't finished yet; i've kept postponing my project paper defense!), so that i can start on data analysis this week, then write the whole paper over the weekend, so i can finally go through with my defense set for may 17 next week. my brother, Tope, and i will be defending our papers one after another; we decided to have the same defense schedule so we can split the costs of the snacks for the panelists. : )
next, i have other little To Dos lined up, as always; although i don't bash my self now when they don't get done as scheduled. i simply move them to another date or delegate them to somebody else altogether, when i can. sometimes, just doing nothing about them dissolves them away too. : )
this afternoon, the kids and i are going to the dentist's for our annual prophylaxis.
Stay in Joy. and, Let Go. i've kept repeating to my self since yesterday. a review of Joe Vitale's The Attractor Factor, which i finished last December 2005 yet. im giving my self these 3 days since yesterday to shift my energies to just Living in the Now again, and not think too much about the future and how i can prepare for it, worrying that i might not be too ready, etc.
it has mainly to do with M. i've manifested him and our beautiful relationship together (step 1, Decide What You Want). the last 10 months have been spent learning about each other and working through our doubts and our fears (step 2, Get Clear). now that we'll soon be together, i realized that we're moving into the last two steps-- Stay in Joy, and Let Go-- as the time for them has come. holding on, still discussing our relationship and where we want it headed, is passing. it's time to detach and let the Universe fully work its magic now. : )
it's interesting, though, how even the Universe playfully teases me about it now. as i consciously focus on not thinking about M and our relationship too much during these 3 days i've set for my self, the Universe leads me to situations where i am blatantly reminded of him. yesterday, i watched two films on dvd, Bride and Prejudice, and Little Miss Sunshine. both settings talked of the characters going to California, where M is right now.
okay, that's not too blatant yet. but consider this-- in Little Miss Sunshine, just as the credits rolled up, i was struck by a name on the executive production list. yes, you guessed it, it's M's first name, too. and then the next name that rolled up, had his last name!
i shook my head at that, and smiled ruefully. oh you, Universe, you!!!
later today, i'll post some pictures of Bea's clubhouse and the kids at home, to give a visual view of our day-to-day summertime bliss here. : )
oh, by the way, Paolo has his 3x MWF weekly volleyball lessons now, starting yesterday. the girls decided they just wanted to stay at home the whole summer and do as they pleased. Bea initially wanted to have swimming lessons, though, but after careful thought and my guiding her through her choices over the weekend, she opted for spending the P1200 set aside for the swimming lesson to buy some new trinkets, toys and new clothes instead. our little Ms. Efficient. : ) we agreed to do that when my next paycheck comes.
i'm enjoying my online Peace Journalism class with TPU, too. we are a small group of 7 course mates, from the U.S., Brazil, Canada, Belgium, Germany, Ireland and the Philippines, and the exchanges and differences in perspectives as we learn together are very stimulating and enriching.
'finished submitting last week another short story for children, to the Palanca Awards this time; and that same story plus another one, after i've polished them, of course, to my publisher. 'just wanted to get these stories out so i can focus on starting new ones (my target is one story a month) starting June, when my one year's leave starts.
'have finished reviewing and approving the art for Tight Times, too, and yesterday, Adarna (my publisher) asked me to draft my brief bio and send them my latest picture and email address, for the book's blurb, even as they sent me the art for the book cover. Serj Bumatay, the winning artist, is great! all i did was gush over his art. nothing to "disapprove"... : )
the book will be launched on July 17, during the PBBY Salanga and Alcala Prizes' awarding ceremonies, during National Children's Book Day, at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. : ) i'm taking Thea, Paolo and Bea with me to Manila to witness the event, this time (last time i could afford to only take Paolo, and with Mama's help, my sister Honey and brother Tope). i wish Mama and Papa would be there, too.
life is good. God is great. thank You, Universe!!!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Hollywood Movies
despite our special friendship's old-fashioned quality so far, M and i as individuals drive each other crazy, both in a blissful way and in a frustratingly aggravating way, and not either-or either; sometimes we drive each other crazy at the same time both ways!
if you have seen that movie, The Marrying Man, with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, where they met, got married, broke up, then reunited, then got married again, then broke up, then reunited, got married, etc. for seven times in the course of their lives-- well, that's what it feels like with M; and we've only just begun!
i'm reminded, too, of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie played characters who were both so alike in many basic ways, but were also so different in many important ways. Soulmates and explosives all at the same time!
after another week-long intense discussion again, to get my personal sense of peace and perspective back, i just had another combined astrology report done, based on our specific birthdates, birthtimes and birthplaces, this time a Couples Report with astrology.com, and here is what it says--
Part 1: Planets and Aspects
Sun Sextile Saturn
This is a wonderful indicator of a long-lasting relationship and it will help to bring more stability, dedication and maturity to you both. You will find that together your life becomes more secure as you put your focused will on responsibilities and practical issues. This is sure to forge a very strong bond between you which will help you form a peaceful and content relationship rather than one based on jet-setting or living high on the hog. Be careful that after a period of time you do not take each other for granted even though yours is a very comfortable relationship.
Your relationship will enable you to learn a great deal about yourselves. You will probably prefer peace and quiet to any other form of lifestyle. There will not be much experimentation and digging deeper into your psyches here and you will be more reserved in the way you express your feelings for each other. Even though people may see you as somewhat cool, calm and collected toward each other, they will not understand that you do not need constant verbal reassurances to remind you of what you already feel on a very deep level.
In time you will find that when the chips are down and the going gets tough, that you can always count on each other, because loyalty, friendship and reliability are positive and nurturing aspects of your life together. When it comes to the hum-drum art of daily living, taking care of work and the responsibilities you have to each other, this is the energy you want to see you through. And you have it!
Mercury Opposition Jupiter
There are usually no serious detriments with this aspect. Areas you need to watch have to do with becoming overly idealistic regarding things in your relationship. Expecting too much out of each other and your relationship can cause problems. You both may have the tendency to promise more than you can actually deliver. By keeping your expectations under control, you can keep the real problems between you at a manageable level. Blowing up things beyond proportion can cause you to lose perspective of the good things in your relationship.
Take care not to take risks that are too wild to ever come true, especially in finances, where you can overextend yourselves and cause financial difficulties. If you were always too timid or shy in taking chances, then this aspect can easily throw you in the other direction, as you throw caution to the wind, along with your money, never to see it again. You always see the pot of gold on the horizon together and failure never seems to stop you from trying. In your eyes hope is eternal and just around the next corner is where "our" fortune lies. Even after failure, you seem to experience some good luck that has you bouncing back to try again.
You never seem to be comfortable with where you are, or what you have, always trying to do better than expectations will allow. Travel may play a large role in your lives, either for educational, spiritual or religious purposes or perhaps just for simply having plain fun.
Venus Trine Uranus
This is sure to be one of the most "different" relationships you will ever experience. It will probably be very open and unconventional in some way, perhaps sexually, where all of the standards of behavior that you learned in the past go right out the window. There may be differences between you in family backgrounds, upbringing, age or race, and people may be quite surprised that you are together at all. Your relationship may be considered one of those that "breaks all the rules".
You are sure to have more than your share of friends that stand out in a crowd, some who are a bit odd or unusual, as well those who are creative. The arts, music, swimming, skating or dance will hold your interest and you will enjoy sharing these things together. This relationship can be very rich in opportunities to learn things you might never learn on your own and it would be well for you to be flexible and adaptable in your reaction to them. Give your partner plenty of space and freedom to take from these experiences whatever it is they feel they need.
Mars Square Uranus
This may be a very difficult relationship, filled with intense anger, frustration and unexpected outbursts. It will also be filled with passion and a wild disregard for caution as you go off on crazy adventures in every direction. This is an unsafe configuration for your physical well-being. You will never be at a loss for something exciting to do, but there will be a certain degree of self-centered attitudes which are quick to anger and which are highly unstable. Rebellion and a desire for freedom of restraint are present here. Great energy, innovation, creativity and experimentation attend this aspect.
People in your environment will either see you as a pair of wild and crazy people or perhaps as a dangerous couple. You won't follow any rules because you will be making them up as you go along. There should not be any problem in the department of sex - you will find it spontaneous, exciting and sometimes out of control. You may expect to spend time in the emergency room or at the doctor's office, as together you are an accident waiting to happen. Give each other some breathing room so you don't get on each other's nerves and then fly off the handle.
Jupiter Semisextile Pluto
This relationship is sure to have a very powerful and potentially healing effect on both of you. You lend support to each other in times of weakness and you share great faith in your partner. This faith will not only transform your life, but the lives of others around you as well. You will consciously choose to take on a lot more than you have ever attempted before through the transforming ability of this aspect. Good planning, foresight and a sense of timing attend this placement as well.
There will be a feeling of being spiritually or magically blessed just by your coming together in this relationship. Any difficulties or hardships that you endure will have you bouncing back even stronger than you were before, as if you were spiritually reborn. Work closely related to healing, religion, health or the relationship of the body to its spiritual counterpart is favored.
Uranus Conjunct Pluto
This relationship is going to put you through some very big changes. If you are looking for a happy, peaceful and down-to-earth relationship, then this one may not be it. You may go through inescapable turmoil and change while you are together. Earth shaking and unexpected events will serve to mold your relationship and they will affect other people around you as well. If you can hold it together, then you can serve as an instrument of change in the world around you. This can strengthen the bond between you. It will be easy to notice when the bottom is going to fall out of your blissful life together. Simply observe how long "peace" has been in your life. Once peace arrives, shakeups may be soon to follow.
Neptune Sextile Pluto
Matters of spirituality, psychic awareness or communication, supernatural forces and mind-reading will be very strong interests in your lives and it may be impossible to deny or to get away from them. There may be times that you can actually hear what the other person is thinking without ever having to say anything. You might decide to play the role of psychic detectives, uncovering mysteries or hidden things. You enjoy anything that has to do with mind expansion or mind alteration.
hmmmm. no wonder. 'might as well not fight it, but go with the flow, roll with the punches! this is what i've dreamed about my whole life, isn't this?
yeah, right. to say that this relationship challenges me is an understatement. it's more like a total psychic, spiritual, intellectual, psychological and emotional overhaul.
oh, what a ride! well, hang on, dear heart, and sit tight.
the curtains are just rising.
if you have seen that movie, The Marrying Man, with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, where they met, got married, broke up, then reunited, then got married again, then broke up, then reunited, got married, etc. for seven times in the course of their lives-- well, that's what it feels like with M; and we've only just begun!
i'm reminded, too, of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie played characters who were both so alike in many basic ways, but were also so different in many important ways. Soulmates and explosives all at the same time!
after another week-long intense discussion again, to get my personal sense of peace and perspective back, i just had another combined astrology report done, based on our specific birthdates, birthtimes and birthplaces, this time a Couples Report with astrology.com, and here is what it says--
Part 1: Planets and Aspects
Sun Sextile Saturn
This is a wonderful indicator of a long-lasting relationship and it will help to bring more stability, dedication and maturity to you both. You will find that together your life becomes more secure as you put your focused will on responsibilities and practical issues. This is sure to forge a very strong bond between you which will help you form a peaceful and content relationship rather than one based on jet-setting or living high on the hog. Be careful that after a period of time you do not take each other for granted even though yours is a very comfortable relationship.
Your relationship will enable you to learn a great deal about yourselves. You will probably prefer peace and quiet to any other form of lifestyle. There will not be much experimentation and digging deeper into your psyches here and you will be more reserved in the way you express your feelings for each other. Even though people may see you as somewhat cool, calm and collected toward each other, they will not understand that you do not need constant verbal reassurances to remind you of what you already feel on a very deep level.
In time you will find that when the chips are down and the going gets tough, that you can always count on each other, because loyalty, friendship and reliability are positive and nurturing aspects of your life together. When it comes to the hum-drum art of daily living, taking care of work and the responsibilities you have to each other, this is the energy you want to see you through. And you have it!
Mercury Opposition Jupiter
There are usually no serious detriments with this aspect. Areas you need to watch have to do with becoming overly idealistic regarding things in your relationship. Expecting too much out of each other and your relationship can cause problems. You both may have the tendency to promise more than you can actually deliver. By keeping your expectations under control, you can keep the real problems between you at a manageable level. Blowing up things beyond proportion can cause you to lose perspective of the good things in your relationship.
Take care not to take risks that are too wild to ever come true, especially in finances, where you can overextend yourselves and cause financial difficulties. If you were always too timid or shy in taking chances, then this aspect can easily throw you in the other direction, as you throw caution to the wind, along with your money, never to see it again. You always see the pot of gold on the horizon together and failure never seems to stop you from trying. In your eyes hope is eternal and just around the next corner is where "our" fortune lies. Even after failure, you seem to experience some good luck that has you bouncing back to try again.
You never seem to be comfortable with where you are, or what you have, always trying to do better than expectations will allow. Travel may play a large role in your lives, either for educational, spiritual or religious purposes or perhaps just for simply having plain fun.
Venus Trine Uranus
This is sure to be one of the most "different" relationships you will ever experience. It will probably be very open and unconventional in some way, perhaps sexually, where all of the standards of behavior that you learned in the past go right out the window. There may be differences between you in family backgrounds, upbringing, age or race, and people may be quite surprised that you are together at all. Your relationship may be considered one of those that "breaks all the rules".
You are sure to have more than your share of friends that stand out in a crowd, some who are a bit odd or unusual, as well those who are creative. The arts, music, swimming, skating or dance will hold your interest and you will enjoy sharing these things together. This relationship can be very rich in opportunities to learn things you might never learn on your own and it would be well for you to be flexible and adaptable in your reaction to them. Give your partner plenty of space and freedom to take from these experiences whatever it is they feel they need.
Mars Square Uranus
This may be a very difficult relationship, filled with intense anger, frustration and unexpected outbursts. It will also be filled with passion and a wild disregard for caution as you go off on crazy adventures in every direction. This is an unsafe configuration for your physical well-being. You will never be at a loss for something exciting to do, but there will be a certain degree of self-centered attitudes which are quick to anger and which are highly unstable. Rebellion and a desire for freedom of restraint are present here. Great energy, innovation, creativity and experimentation attend this aspect.
People in your environment will either see you as a pair of wild and crazy people or perhaps as a dangerous couple. You won't follow any rules because you will be making them up as you go along. There should not be any problem in the department of sex - you will find it spontaneous, exciting and sometimes out of control. You may expect to spend time in the emergency room or at the doctor's office, as together you are an accident waiting to happen. Give each other some breathing room so you don't get on each other's nerves and then fly off the handle.
Jupiter Semisextile Pluto
This relationship is sure to have a very powerful and potentially healing effect on both of you. You lend support to each other in times of weakness and you share great faith in your partner. This faith will not only transform your life, but the lives of others around you as well. You will consciously choose to take on a lot more than you have ever attempted before through the transforming ability of this aspect. Good planning, foresight and a sense of timing attend this placement as well.
There will be a feeling of being spiritually or magically blessed just by your coming together in this relationship. Any difficulties or hardships that you endure will have you bouncing back even stronger than you were before, as if you were spiritually reborn. Work closely related to healing, religion, health or the relationship of the body to its spiritual counterpart is favored.
Uranus Conjunct Pluto
This relationship is going to put you through some very big changes. If you are looking for a happy, peaceful and down-to-earth relationship, then this one may not be it. You may go through inescapable turmoil and change while you are together. Earth shaking and unexpected events will serve to mold your relationship and they will affect other people around you as well. If you can hold it together, then you can serve as an instrument of change in the world around you. This can strengthen the bond between you. It will be easy to notice when the bottom is going to fall out of your blissful life together. Simply observe how long "peace" has been in your life. Once peace arrives, shakeups may be soon to follow.
Neptune Sextile Pluto
Matters of spirituality, psychic awareness or communication, supernatural forces and mind-reading will be very strong interests in your lives and it may be impossible to deny or to get away from them. There may be times that you can actually hear what the other person is thinking without ever having to say anything. You might decide to play the role of psychic detectives, uncovering mysteries or hidden things. You enjoy anything that has to do with mind expansion or mind alteration.
hmmmm. no wonder. 'might as well not fight it, but go with the flow, roll with the punches! this is what i've dreamed about my whole life, isn't this?
yeah, right. to say that this relationship challenges me is an understatement. it's more like a total psychic, spiritual, intellectual, psychological and emotional overhaul.
oh, what a ride! well, hang on, dear heart, and sit tight.
the curtains are just rising.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Old-fashioned Romance
don't laugh now, but my days recently have been spent reading up on and researching--of all topics-- courtship.
with M's finally coming over to be closer to me so we can get to know each other better, and assessing how our 10-month-old long-distance relationship has been one beautiful friendship of being "more than friends, less than lovers", i am only realizing now that we are in courtship!
it should be obvious but it is not to me. im used to the dating mode, just meeting people, having a good time, usually falling in love with them, too, sharing intimacies sooner than later.... BUT, -- as the definitions i've found say-- without the express intention of trying to get to know each other better, with the view towards marriage someday. courtship is a stage where both the man and woman expressly indicate their intentions of marriage while also wanting to get to know each other (character, values, the real person behind the dating facade, through friendship) better to see if they really are fit to marry each other.
with the dating mode, no wonder the broken hearts and broken dreams which i do not care to count nor go back to again, ever.
i'm currently in the middle of Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship, with I've Kissed Dating Goodbye next in line, and i've been having a tearful, gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching week, touched by the stories in the book, yet also reminded of the past, and all the things i did wrong!!!
last night, i cried so hard, thinking with all the things i did wrong (not in line with courtship principles) before, how could i ever do it right this time, when i want so much to do it right???
today, though, i found this one more new article link, which gives me hope, and calms me, and points me to a good direction i am confident i can follow.
reading all these now, i understand better where M has been coming from all along, and i admire and respect and love him more now for all his restraint and wisdom. what i thought was his shyness and inhibitions before at not rising up to the bait of all my provocations-- is actually good old common-sense and old-fashioned respect and affection for me. i feel so ashamed of my self now when i think of all my shameless provocations. (blushhhhhhhh!!!)
it is me who has a lot to learn from him, after all.
***
looking back now to more than 10 months ago, it is uncanny too, how, that week i was introduced to M, this is what i posted here--
"i want to do it right this time".
with M's finally coming over to be closer to me so we can get to know each other better, and assessing how our 10-month-old long-distance relationship has been one beautiful friendship of being "more than friends, less than lovers", i am only realizing now that we are in courtship!
it should be obvious but it is not to me. im used to the dating mode, just meeting people, having a good time, usually falling in love with them, too, sharing intimacies sooner than later.... BUT, -- as the definitions i've found say-- without the express intention of trying to get to know each other better, with the view towards marriage someday. courtship is a stage where both the man and woman expressly indicate their intentions of marriage while also wanting to get to know each other (character, values, the real person behind the dating facade, through friendship) better to see if they really are fit to marry each other.
with the dating mode, no wonder the broken hearts and broken dreams which i do not care to count nor go back to again, ever.
i'm currently in the middle of Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship, with I've Kissed Dating Goodbye next in line, and i've been having a tearful, gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching week, touched by the stories in the book, yet also reminded of the past, and all the things i did wrong!!!
last night, i cried so hard, thinking with all the things i did wrong (not in line with courtship principles) before, how could i ever do it right this time, when i want so much to do it right???
today, though, i found this one more new article link, which gives me hope, and calms me, and points me to a good direction i am confident i can follow.
reading all these now, i understand better where M has been coming from all along, and i admire and respect and love him more now for all his restraint and wisdom. what i thought was his shyness and inhibitions before at not rising up to the bait of all my provocations-- is actually good old common-sense and old-fashioned respect and affection for me. i feel so ashamed of my self now when i think of all my shameless provocations. (blushhhhhhhh!!!)
it is me who has a lot to learn from him, after all.
***
heck, i am already 39, more a nominal Catholic than a "law-abiding" one, prefer to call my self more spiritual than religious, left a bad 10 year marriage, and later on had marriage annulled both in church and in the courts, "been there, done that" to learn things for my self from experience instead of the shoulds that other people/institutions say one should follow, been wild, been broken, triumphantly survived it all... and now, strangely, in a budding relationship with a good man of character, whose very presence in my life has encouraged me to go back to church and my most deeply-held values and beliefs, feeling like a babe in the woods all over again!
i've never had a proper courtship before; i was just so lusty, jumped in there with all my heart, and eyes closed. look where it got me. no regrets, had lots of fun and lessons and gained lifelong friends,... but wouldn't want to go back there either. as M says for himself, also, there's not much room for more unnecessary hurting and breaking anymore...
***looking back now to more than 10 months ago, it is uncanny too, how, that week i was introduced to M, this is what i posted here--
"i want to do it right this time".
Monday, April 30, 2007
domestic dreams
for the first time ever, i went grocery shopping this evening trying hard to keep my grins to my self, walking along the aisle with Bea, pushing our carts, yet feeling like i've just won a megabillion dollar lotto jackpot or something.
oh, it's not much to most people. what's to grin over choosing groceries, scrutinizing their ingredient content, making sure to choose the healthier and more natural ones, while calculating prices and discounts? but while i was doing those things, i was imagining doing them with M... for M... SOON!!! : ) : ) : )
i've never been this excited about food! i even ventured into the kitchenware department and checked out utensils and other cooking equipment! (those who know me know this is the most incredible miracle-- me, kitchen???!!!--ever!!!)
but yep, M and i will be together soon, in a month or so. well, he'd be based in Cebu to start an office for his Dad's firm, but it's surely much closer to Bacolod now than Kenya (where he originally intended to go)!!!
and ohhhh, bless M's Dad and Mom; when they learned of our intense discussion over Kenya vs. the Philippines more than a week ago, and M's insecurities and fears about not being fit enough and not having an impressive stable-income job to show to me yet, his Dad offered him the job of setting up a Philippine branch for their firm in Cebu, where he could both prove himself and make a name for himself, and be closer to me to visit me more often now. ohhhhh, what a blessing!!! and parents' sacred blessing at that!!!
of course, M and I have talked; we agreed to be prudent and take it slow, until he gets the business up and going. but we are both sooo excited and it's a struggle to contain our joy, needless to say.
he says he's also inspired now to eat more healthily, lose some more weight and get in shape, even as he is inspired with the new business and the new lease on his work life.
since "meeting" him via email, by way of a mutual friend's introduction, ten months ago, i have also been likewise inspired to take better care of my self, too, and to seriously go for my writing dreams (his mom and sister are writers, too, and M has been very supportive and encouraging), at last.
now, im into looking up healthier food and planning on studying my recipe books and practicing how to cook healthy yet delicious fare for the coming months of my one-year leave! imagine that, imagine me doing that. haahaaaa.
heck, i even bought multivitamins with 400mcg folic acid tonight, too, good for 30 days. heehee! (research says that to have a healthy baby, you should start taking at least 400mcg folic acid daily as early as a year or two before you conceive!)
i've never been this excited about domesticity before, not ever!!! oh, God. what has happened to me??? cerebral, work-focused, career-oriented me who doesn't even know how to open canned goods with a can opener??? : ) : ) : )
oh, what miracles Love has brought me and continue to bring. if only for these times now, all the past pain, confusion, loneliness, hurting, darkness, turbulence, storms... they are all worth it. i wouldn't trade them for anything less, if what they meant was that they would bring me to this blessed time now.
God is truly great!!! Amazing Grace, indeed.
Choosing A Life Partner
'where my thoughts are these days... and then i get this as a forwarded mass mail from a friend!
5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER
(by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.)
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result o f a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.
How can you test? Here are some suggestions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". "So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"
Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:
1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?
The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".
Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.
Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.
If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to make them good citizens. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.
Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!
There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.
There are also times when spouses, just get on each other nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?
These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.
Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.
*******
A Soulful Relationship
by Rev. Ronald McFadden
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
- communication
- intimacy
- a sense of humor
- sharing household tasks
- some getaway time without business or children
- daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
- sharing common goals and interests
- giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
- giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment
- asking God to be the center of your relationship
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion.
Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
Keeping a Relationship
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available. Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around. Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted on just someone.
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.
*******
hmmm... so far, so good, M and I seem to be on the right track. Time will tell further... God bless us with wisdom, strength and developing the qualities of true Love!
i sure don't want to make the same mistake twice!
i want to do it Right this time, so help us God!
5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER
(by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.)
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result o f a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.
How can you test? Here are some suggestions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". "So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"
Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:
1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?
2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!
4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?
The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".
Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.
Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.
If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to make them good citizens. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.
Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong!
There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.
There are also times when spouses, just get on each other nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?
These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice.
Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.
*******
A Soulful Relationship
by Rev. Ronald McFadden
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
- communication
- intimacy
- a sense of humor
- sharing household tasks
- some getaway time without business or children
- daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
- sharing common goals and interests
- giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
- giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment
- asking God to be the center of your relationship
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion.
Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
Keeping a Relationship
It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available. Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around. Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted on just someone.
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.
*******
hmmm... so far, so good, M and I seem to be on the right track. Time will tell further... God bless us with wisdom, strength and developing the qualities of true Love!
i sure don't want to make the same mistake twice!
i want to do it Right this time, so help us God!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Come As You Are
'not in the mood to share the goings-on of my life yet, except to say that magick is afoot, and im patiently, lovingly stirring the pot : )... so i'll share snippets of things i get from my free subscription newsletters for now. this one's from Beliefnet (click on the blog title above to get to their site)--
Compassion is bringing our deepest truth into our actions, no matter how much the world seems to resist, because that is ultimately what we have to give to this world and one another.
Compassion is bringing our deepest truth into our actions, no matter how much the world seems to resist, because that is ultimately what we have to give to this world and one another.
-Ram Dass
From "Nothing Left Unsaid," by Carol Orsborn:
You have only one sacred duty:
to make your spirit available to others.
You do this by sharing what you already are
in this and every moment.
If you are loving, you share your loving.
If you are suffering, you share your suffering.
If you are healing, you share your healing.
You have only one sacred duty:
to make your spirit available to others.
You do this by sharing what you already are
in this and every moment.
If you are loving, you share your loving.
If you are suffering, you share your suffering.
If you are healing, you share your healing.
Why waste precious energy arguing with God about
what it is that is yours to share right now,
worrying how your broken bit could possibly be of use.
Trust that however unlikely it may seem,
without your piece,
the universe would be incomplete.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
soul-satisfying breaks
i'm on a roll working on my long overdue project paper for my M.A. Conflict and Reconciliation Studies degree. im set to defend this april 13, and graduate from my second master's degree on may 26.
this was supposed to have been enrolled last summer yet, but i never got to work on it except collect the data. i'm re-enrolling it this summer (i'll pay only when i have my paper produced, just to be sure im not wasting tuition money this time!) and im concentrating on finishing it all in just one week! ; )
to feed my energies well, ive been starting my days early, at 6am, with either an early morning walk or my meditations. for breaks, i write in my diary, continue reading Living in the Light by Shakti Gawain, and or just take short stretching exercises and even naps.
i've also been feeding my soul some really satisfying morsel--
last night i watched Fiddler on the Roof and cried so, but in a good way.
today, in between work, i'm savoring Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea.
with breaks like these, i'm producing really excellent work and am confident i can meet the deadline i have set for my self to turn in my paper by april 11.
: )
this was supposed to have been enrolled last summer yet, but i never got to work on it except collect the data. i'm re-enrolling it this summer (i'll pay only when i have my paper produced, just to be sure im not wasting tuition money this time!) and im concentrating on finishing it all in just one week! ; )
to feed my energies well, ive been starting my days early, at 6am, with either an early morning walk or my meditations. for breaks, i write in my diary, continue reading Living in the Light by Shakti Gawain, and or just take short stretching exercises and even naps.
i've also been feeding my soul some really satisfying morsel--
last night i watched Fiddler on the Roof and cried so, but in a good way.
today, in between work, i'm savoring Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea.
with breaks like these, i'm producing really excellent work and am confident i can meet the deadline i have set for my self to turn in my paper by april 11.
: )
Sunday, April 01, 2007
A Grandmother's Advice
Trust your heart and you'll always win. The whole purpose of life is to live it, love it, and take a happy smile to God when you're done. I never gave a hoot about what anyone thought.
- from Amanda Larson's Grandma Edna (click on this link to see whole article)
- from Amanda Larson's Grandma Edna (click on this link to see whole article)
St. Paolo
two nights ago, while Paolo and i were reviewing for his Christian Living exam, out of the blue, he voiced out, "you know, ma, i really really want to be a saint."
i was touched and delighted, of course. "sure you can, palangga (Ilonggo for "dearest one"). you're already a good, smart boy with a good heart. all you need to do is to grow up and share your blessings with others!"
paolo frowns, "but ma, how can i??? it's so crowded already!"
i was confused, "what's crowded, 'langga-- heaven?"
"no, ma, the calendar! how can i still get my name in there???"
: S
i was touched and delighted, of course. "sure you can, palangga (Ilonggo for "dearest one"). you're already a good, smart boy with a good heart. all you need to do is to grow up and share your blessings with others!"
paolo frowns, "but ma, how can i??? it's so crowded already!"
i was confused, "what's crowded, 'langga-- heaven?"
"no, ma, the calendar! how can i still get my name in there???"
: S
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Summer's Here!
it's officially the first day of our summer vacation, as school ended yesterday! yayyyyyyyy!!!
i started it right by going to the market to replenish foodstock at home for the next week and a half. then i spent most of the morning sorting out my students' papers which i still have to correct and grade (list of failures due april 4, grades due april 13). now, im just taking a break before i plunge in again to tackle my series of To Dos, which are more organized and holistic (not just work related, there's even a topic you can create for "personal", which i described as body-mind-spirit wholeness, and "love", which of course i described as M, and preparing to be be together with my soulmate someday : >), thanks to my new Thinking Rock software.
next To Dos for this weekend alone:
- prepare phone company papers for reporting the loss of modem and accessories i was about to return, due to car burglary;
- prepare the addendum to my Faculty Information Sheet for annual performance evaluation, to be submitted on Monday;
- correct papers and do grades;
- write chapters 1 to 3 of my project paper, "Peace vs. War Journalism Techniques As Used in Selected Philippine Newspapers' Front Page Stories";
- study for and submit the two assignments in my new online Peace Journalism Course with TPU;
- review and write the draft reports for Tuesday meeting with A and L; and
- re-orient my self with my meditation and manifesting self-studies so far, to pick up from where i left off last time by Monday, April 2 (i miss my meditation sessions!)
ok, back to my tasks now.
i started it right by going to the market to replenish foodstock at home for the next week and a half. then i spent most of the morning sorting out my students' papers which i still have to correct and grade (list of failures due april 4, grades due april 13). now, im just taking a break before i plunge in again to tackle my series of To Dos, which are more organized and holistic (not just work related, there's even a topic you can create for "personal", which i described as body-mind-spirit wholeness, and "love", which of course i described as M, and preparing to be be together with my soulmate someday : >), thanks to my new Thinking Rock software.
next To Dos for this weekend alone:
- prepare phone company papers for reporting the loss of modem and accessories i was about to return, due to car burglary;
- prepare the addendum to my Faculty Information Sheet for annual performance evaluation, to be submitted on Monday;
- correct papers and do grades;
- write chapters 1 to 3 of my project paper, "Peace vs. War Journalism Techniques As Used in Selected Philippine Newspapers' Front Page Stories";
- study for and submit the two assignments in my new online Peace Journalism Course with TPU;
- review and write the draft reports for Tuesday meeting with A and L; and
- re-orient my self with my meditation and manifesting self-studies so far, to pick up from where i left off last time by Monday, April 2 (i miss my meditation sessions!)
ok, back to my tasks now.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Thinking Rock
i found this (click on title above) free link last night, from a tip given by one of my writers' e-groups. it helps you collect your thoughts, process and organize them, so that at the end, your mind is left freer to operate at a higher, more creative level, not bogged down by the nitty-gritty million things that frequently crowd the mind.
it takes some time setting it up, but it's neat!
i've just finished setting mine up, and generated two reports (for Actions or To Dos sorted by Date, and for an overall Project Outline) which i quickly printed. i've got things set down for the next 4 months, at the very least, and they all look comprehensible and tie up together in a meaningful whole to me now.
the two thoughts i had which, at present, are still in the realm of intense desire/wish, but i have no idea how to make come about yet, i marked as "Delegated to The Universe!" : ) Heehee. (The software has an option for delegating certain tasks, and then a blank space for you to fill up who to delegate it to.)
definitely cool Thinking Rock!
it takes some time setting it up, but it's neat!
i've just finished setting mine up, and generated two reports (for Actions or To Dos sorted by Date, and for an overall Project Outline) which i quickly printed. i've got things set down for the next 4 months, at the very least, and they all look comprehensible and tie up together in a meaningful whole to me now.
the two thoughts i had which, at present, are still in the realm of intense desire/wish, but i have no idea how to make come about yet, i marked as "Delegated to The Universe!" : ) Heehee. (The software has an option for delegating certain tasks, and then a blank space for you to fill up who to delegate it to.)
definitely cool Thinking Rock!
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