hello, goodbye

i have not heard from you
since New Year's Day--
'makes me wonder if
you've died.

but i've scanned
and searched
the Wheaton obituaries
and your name wasn't there.

it would be so easy
to think:
your Silence
is a reflection
on my value.

but not anymore.
i know better now.
thank God!
for saving me
from that crap.

people can break
or shut down
under pressure;
i don't.
(not break, at least;
shut down, yes.)

that's how i choose
to think
about your Silence
now.

so, the first day
after i turned 41
i said hello again--
that is,
if you are still alive,
only with a horrible case
of cabin fever.

my hello
could also be
my goodbye.
that is up to you
to take
or leave.

so,
hello.

Spring
is coming.

if you're not careful,
you'll lose me
forever.