Sunday, May 27, 2007


favorite notes from the book (Soulmates: Following Inner Guidance to the Relationship of Your Dreams, by Carolyn Godschild Miller) i've been reading lately--

Soulmate relationships always require us to wrestle with differences. Indeed, teaching us to deal with the anger and frustration our ego generates whenever our interests seem to conflict with those of our partner is, in some sense, their very raison d'etre.

You see, the ability to love another unconditionally is a learning objective of soulmate relationships, not a talent with which people enter them. Our meant-to-be loves are our learning partners in a curriculum designed to awaken us from fearful illusions. As such it is their job to hold our feet to the fire whenever our false self prompts us to act from fear rather than love.

Far from being blissfully harmonious, soulmate unions can be intensely conflictual. This sort of domestic strife resembles the prying open of an oyster to reveal the priceless pearl within. Soulmates have knives that are very sharp indeed, and if we hold still long enough, they will find just the right places to insert them, and pry our defenses apart. When you start feeling as if your soulmate is tearing you apart, it may help to remember that you are the pearl and not the oyster!

Far from being perfect lovers, soulmates generally start out dividing their allegiance between their partners and their own egos. Sometimes they are generous, tender and supportive, but periodically they succumb to panic and try to withdraw from, or control, the relationship. In successful pairings, however, trust gradually comes to take the place of fear. Episodes of ego possession become less frequent, and don't last as long. The lovers eventually come to see separation from their mate as the problem, and not the solution.

If soulmates stay the course, they ultimately discover that Love is safe, and that their egos' tantrums over not getting to control everything aren't their problem. They transfer their loyalty to their partners, and abandon their self-images to their fates. It is only then that these "matches made in heaven" begin looking the way most of us intuitively expect them to be-- joyous, mutually supportive, and harmonious. But never forget that on the way to that happy state of affairs, a river of frustrated tears may be shed, and a great many doors slammed in anger!


Sure, your soulmate is going to drive you crazy from time to time. That's what he or she is there for!

Your job is to stand your ground and continue to love in the face of all the reasons your ego can manufacture to justify counterattack or withdrawal.

Just keep flushing the resentment out of your system with forgiveness, so that whatever is wholesome in the relationship will have a chance to grow.


The fact that you truly love someone is not a sufficient reason to embark upon a life partnership with him or her, and the fact that you aren't sure how much you care isn't always a good reason to duck a commitment.

The defining characteristic of soulmate relationships is shared purpose. What makes someone your ideal mate is neither love nor infatuation, but rather the fact that being with him or her is in alignment with your soul's reasons for being here.

The fact is that meant-to-be lovers don't just mean to be together, they also mean to do something together. Their alliances are spiritual laboratories in which two people unite to jointly discover and create the meaning of their lives.

The Love soulmates cultivate for each other is eventually destined to overflow the bounds of their relationship and nurture a thirsty world.


Recognizing soulmates/soulmate relationships:

- a deep sense of peaceful contentment in one' s soul, despite conflict

- you feel good/ you are who you truly are when you're with this person; and you truly enjoy each other, being with each other; you enjoy hanging out with each other!

- the way everything else seems to fall into place once we make our Love the first priority

- Love rests on a calm sense of deep TRUST

- feels RIGHT

- feeling of great COMFORT in each other's presence

- feeling of QUICK FAMILIARITY with each other's being/ immediate sense of RECOGNITION of each other's being

- feels NATURAL

- a deep sense of SHARED PURPOSE

Saturday, May 19, 2007

I Believe My Heart

Whenever I see your face,
the world disappears,
All in a single glance so,
You smile and I feel as though,
I've known you for years.
How do I know to trust what,
I'm feeling

I believe my heart,
What else can I do
When every part of every thought
leads me straight to you.
I believe my heart,
There's no other choice,
For now whenever my heart speaks,
I can only hear,
your voice

The life-time before we met,
has faded away.
How did I live a moment,
without you,
You don't have to speak at all,
I know what you'd say,
And I know every secret,
about you.

I believe my heart,
It believes in you,
It's telling me that what I see,
is completely true.
I believe my heart,
How can it be wrong
It says that what I feel for you
I will feel my whole life long.

I believe my heart.
It believes in you.
It's telling me that what I see is completely true.
And with all my soul
I believe my heart.
The portrait that it paints of you
is a perfect work,
of art.

Love Changes Everything

Love changes everything:
Hands and faces,
Earth and sky,
Love changes everything:
How you live and
How you die

Can make the summer fly,
Or a night
Seem like a lifetime.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everything:
Now I tremble
At your name.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.

Love changes everything:
Days are longer,
Words mean more.
Love changes everything:
Pain is deeper
Than before.

Will turn your world around,
And that world
Will last for ever.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everything,
Brings you glory,
Brings you shame.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.

Into the world we go,
Planning futures,
Shaping years.
Bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom

Makes fools of everyone:
All the rules
We make are broken.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everyone.
Live or perish
In its flame.
Love will never,
Never let you
Be the same.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

A Long and Lasting Love (Once In A Lifetime)

* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time. The lyrics for this version is in the interactive box below. : )


A Long and Lasting Love (original Crystal Gayle version)

* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time.

A Long and Lasting Love (Gary Valenciano and Kuh Ledesma version)

* before you play this music, please click "Stop" on this website's default music at the bottom of this page, so they don't play at the same time.

by Gary Valenciano with Kuh Ledesma
(Gerry Goffin/Michael Masser)

A long and lasting love
Not many people find it
But those who do
Their whole lives through
Put their heart and soul behind it
A long and lasting love

A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen Love
A long and lasting love

Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away

A long and lasting love
We share for many reasons
A special bond that goes beyond
The changing of the seasons
A long and lasting love

A long and lasting love
Someone I can care for
Someone to be there for
The rest of my life

A long and lasting love

Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away
Now that you're in my life
I'm gonna make you stay
I have to be some kind of crazy fool
To let you get away

A long and lasting love
Is what I've always dreamed of
And when I look into your eyes
I knew I've really seen love
A long and lasting love.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

what i learned today

i've long known and understood that fasting conserves and build energies up to a higher level of consciousness, mental clarity and self-awareness, but i never knew there was even such a term as "emotional fasting".

the term came to me while i was about to take a nap, thinking to my self that after the last intense few weeks with M (both blissfully and aggravatingly intense), i needed a break. in our mutual anticipation of being together for real soon, all our fears and worries came out, as we shared more of our deeper hopes and dreams.

well, too much of a good thing can get on one's nerves, too, leaving it frayed and frazzled. so as M takes another business trip there in preparation for setting up his dad's office here, i thought the little break would both do us good in calming us and preparing us for the changes and challenges that lie ahead.

and that's when the term came to me, "emotional fasting".

so i Google-searched it and found a number of fasting sites i liked, which i then bookmarked.

i learned today that:

- fasting isn't just the physical fasting from food or sex or any other attachment, although it's the common notion;
- meditation is mental fasting, prayer is spiritual fasting;
- there is such a concept as "emotional fasting";
- displeasing emotions can be easily traced to certain specific roots:
a. anger - unmet expectations
b. fear - threatened identity
c. sadness - suffering caused by ignorance/ mistaking the "veil of illusion" for Reality
- if you're angry, the quickest way to make the anger subside so you can think more clearly is to drink lots of water (douse fire/anger with water! : > ); and
- if you're fearful/worried/anxious (air element), the quickest way to overcome them is to eat ginger (fire element; get the air out with fire) and physical activity/exertion (earth; ground air into earth)!!!

i liked the rasa sadhana site so much, i'm seriously thinking now of adding emotional fasting (as it teaches), as well as juice and water fasting (both for spiritual development and physical improvement), to my repertoire of spiritual practices for this year.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


i just finished my morning walk around the village (4 rounds in an hour) and i feel good from the physical exertion, aside from the active meditation of clearing one's mind from the rhythm of one's walking.

i had a filling and delicious breakfast of fried and garlicked rice, sunny-side up, smoked hotdogs and fresh orange juice with Thea, Paolo and Redd (their cousin, who's slept over). Bea is still sound asleep.

i just finished taking pictures with my cellphone of Bea's makeshift clubhouse outside, which she built and arranged over the last two days.

Thea spent the whole night up on the computer, as usual, so after breakfast, she's now asleep. my teenage witch. : )

Redd is watching Spongebob Squarepants on cable tv, while Paolo must be out somewhere playing with the puppies. one of our four adult dogs recently gave birth to five puppies. that makes our canine pets 14 in all, excluding our only rabbit, Lucy.

Lucy and all our four grown-up dogs are females. while Lucy stays in her little cage just eating and getting fat, our dogs are very productive; we get like at least two births a year. most of the puppies we've given away. Thea has this black humor; she tells her friends that in the dog world, our home must be known as the "happy little whorehouse" as all the male dogs in the village have visited us, one time or another, to court our she-dogs.

after my shower in a few minutes, i'll be working on encoding the last two of the 134 news items for my MA project paper (yep, haven't finished yet; i've kept postponing my project paper defense!), so that i can start on data analysis this week, then write the whole paper over the weekend, so i can finally go through with my defense set for may 17 next week. my brother, Tope, and i will be defending our papers one after another; we decided to have the same defense schedule so we can split the costs of the snacks for the panelists. : )

next, i have other little To Dos lined up, as always; although i don't bash my self now when they don't get done as scheduled. i simply move them to another date or delegate them to somebody else altogether, when i can. sometimes, just doing nothing about them dissolves them away too. : )

this afternoon, the kids and i are going to the dentist's for our annual prophylaxis.

Stay in Joy. and, Let Go. i've kept repeating to my self since yesterday. a review of Joe Vitale's The Attractor Factor, which i finished last December 2005 yet. im giving my self these 3 days since yesterday to shift my energies to just Living in the Now again, and not think too much about the future and how i can prepare for it, worrying that i might not be too ready, etc.

it has mainly to do with M. i've manifested him and our beautiful relationship together (step 1, Decide What You Want). the last 10 months have been spent learning about each other and working through our doubts and our fears (step 2, Get Clear). now that we'll soon be together, i realized that we're moving into the last two steps-- Stay in Joy, and Let Go-- as the time for them has come. holding on, still discussing our relationship and where we want it headed, is passing. it's time to detach and let the Universe fully work its magic now. : )

it's interesting, though, how even the Universe playfully teases me about it now. as i consciously focus on not thinking about M and our relationship too much during these 3 days i've set for my self, the Universe leads me to situations where i am blatantly reminded of him. yesterday, i watched two films on dvd, Bride and Prejudice, and Little Miss Sunshine. both settings talked of the characters going to California, where M is right now.

okay, that's not too blatant yet. but consider this-- in Little Miss Sunshine, just as the credits rolled up, i was struck by a name on the executive production list. yes, you guessed it, it's M's first name, too. and then the next name that rolled up, had his last name!

i shook my head at that, and smiled ruefully. oh you, Universe, you!!!

later today, i'll post some pictures of Bea's clubhouse and the kids at home, to give a visual view of our day-to-day summertime bliss here. : )

oh, by the way, Paolo has his 3x MWF weekly volleyball lessons now, starting yesterday. the girls decided they just wanted to stay at home the whole summer and do as they pleased. Bea initially wanted to have swimming lessons, though, but after careful thought and my guiding her through her choices over the weekend, she opted for spending the P1200 set aside for the swimming lesson to buy some new trinkets, toys and new clothes instead. our little Ms. Efficient. : ) we agreed to do that when my next paycheck comes.

i'm enjoying my online Peace Journalism class with TPU, too. we are a small group of 7 course mates, from the U.S., Brazil, Canada, Belgium, Germany, Ireland and the Philippines, and the exchanges and differences in perspectives as we learn together are very stimulating and enriching.

'finished submitting last week another short story for children, to the Palanca Awards this time; and that same story plus another one, after i've polished them, of course, to my publisher. 'just wanted to get these stories out so i can focus on starting new ones (my target is one story a month) starting June, when my one year's leave starts.

'have finished reviewing and approving the art for Tight Times, too, and yesterday, Adarna (my publisher) asked me to draft my brief bio and send them my latest picture and email address, for the book's blurb, even as they sent me the art for the book cover. Serj Bumatay, the winning artist, is great! all i did was gush over his art. nothing to "disapprove"... : )

the book will be launched on July 17, during the PBBY Salanga and Alcala Prizes' awarding ceremonies, during National Children's Book Day, at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. : ) i'm taking Thea, Paolo and Bea with me to Manila to witness the event, this time (last time i could afford to only take Paolo, and with Mama's help, my sister Honey and brother Tope). i wish Mama and Papa would be there, too.

life is good. God is great. thank You, Universe!!!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Hollywood Movies

despite our special friendship's old-fashioned quality so far, M and i as individuals drive each other crazy, both in a blissful way and in a frustratingly aggravating way, and not either-or either; sometimes we drive each other crazy at the same time both ways!

if you have seen that movie, The Marrying Man, with Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, where they met, got married, broke up, then reunited, then got married again, then broke up, then reunited, got married, etc. for seven times in the course of their lives-- well, that's what it feels like with M; and we've only just begun!

i'm reminded, too, of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie played characters who were both so alike in many basic ways, but were also so different in many important ways. Soulmates and explosives all at the same time!

after another week-long intense discussion again, to get my personal sense of peace and perspective back, i just had another combined astrology report done, based on our specific birthdates, birthtimes and birthplaces, this time a Couples Report with, and here is what it says--

Part 1: Planets and Aspects

Sun Sextile Saturn

This is a wonderful indicator of a long-lasting relationship and it will help to bring more stability, dedication and maturity to you both. You will find that together your life becomes more secure as you put your focused will on responsibilities and practical issues. This is sure to forge a very strong bond between you which will help you form a peaceful and content relationship rather than one based on jet-setting or living high on the hog. Be careful that after a period of time you do not take each other for granted even though yours is a very comfortable relationship.

Your relationship will enable you to learn a great deal about yourselves. You will probably prefer peace and quiet to any other form of lifestyle. There will not be much experimentation and digging deeper into your psyches here and you will be more reserved in the way you express your feelings for each other. Even though people may see you as somewhat cool, calm and collected toward each other, they will not understand that you do not need constant verbal reassurances to remind you of what you already feel on a very deep level.

In time you will find that when the chips are down and the going gets tough, that you can always count on each other, because loyalty, friendship and reliability are positive and nurturing aspects of your life together. When it comes to the hum-drum art of daily living, taking care of work and the responsibilities you have to each other, this is the energy you want to see you through. And you have it!

Mercury Opposition Jupiter

There are usually no serious detriments with this aspect. Areas you need to watch have to do with becoming overly idealistic regarding things in your relationship. Expecting too much out of each other and your relationship can cause problems. You both may have the tendency to promise more than you can actually deliver. By keeping your expectations under control, you can keep the real problems between you at a manageable level. Blowing up things beyond proportion can cause you to lose perspective of the good things in your relationship.

Take care not to take risks that are too wild to ever come true, especially in finances, where you can overextend yourselves and cause financial difficulties. If you were always too timid or shy in taking chances, then this aspect can easily throw you in the other direction, as you throw caution to the wind, along with your money, never to see it again. You always see the pot of gold on the horizon together and failure never seems to stop you from trying. In your eyes hope is eternal and just around the next corner is where "our" fortune lies. Even after failure, you seem to experience some good luck that has you bouncing back to try again.

You never seem to be comfortable with where you are, or what you have, always trying to do better than expectations will allow. Travel may play a large role in your lives, either for educational, spiritual or religious purposes or perhaps just for simply having plain fun.

Venus Trine Uranus

This is sure to be one of the most "different" relationships you will ever experience. It will probably be very open and unconventional in some way, perhaps sexually, where all of the standards of behavior that you learned in the past go right out the window. There may be differences between you in family backgrounds, upbringing, age or race, and people may be quite surprised that you are together at all. Your relationship may be considered one of those that "breaks all the rules".

You are sure to have more than your share of friends that stand out in a crowd, some who are a bit odd or unusual, as well those who are creative. The arts, music, swimming, skating or dance will hold your interest and you will enjoy sharing these things together. This relationship can be very rich in opportunities to learn things you might never learn on your own and it would be well for you to be flexible and adaptable in your reaction to them. Give your partner plenty of space and freedom to take from these experiences whatever it is they feel they need.

Mars Square Uranus

This may be a very difficult relationship, filled with intense anger, frustration and unexpected outbursts. It will also be filled with passion and a wild disregard for caution as you go off on crazy adventures in every direction. This is an unsafe configuration for your physical well-being. You will never be at a loss for something exciting to do, but there will be a certain degree of self-centered attitudes which are quick to anger and which are highly unstable. Rebellion and a desire for freedom of restraint are present here. Great energy, innovation, creativity and experimentation attend this aspect.

People in your environment will either see you as a pair of wild and crazy people or perhaps as a dangerous couple. You won't follow any rules because you will be making them up as you go along. There should not be any problem in the department of sex - you will find it spontaneous, exciting and sometimes out of control. You may expect to spend time in the emergency room or at the doctor's office, as together you are an accident waiting to happen. Give each other some breathing room so you don't get on each other's nerves and then fly off the handle.

Jupiter Semisextile Pluto

This relationship is sure to have a very powerful and potentially healing effect on both of you. You lend support to each other in times of weakness and you share great faith in your partner. This faith will not only transform your life, but the lives of others around you as well. You will consciously choose to take on a lot more than you have ever attempted before through the transforming ability of this aspect. Good planning, foresight and a sense of timing attend this placement as well.

There will be a feeling of being spiritually or magically blessed just by your coming together in this relationship. Any difficulties or hardships that you endure will have you bouncing back even stronger than you were before, as if you were spiritually reborn. Work closely related to healing, religion, health or the relationship of the body to its spiritual counterpart is favored.

Uranus Conjunct Pluto

This relationship is going to put you through some very big changes. If you are looking for a happy, peaceful and down-to-earth relationship, then this one may not be it. You may go through inescapable turmoil and change while you are together. Earth shaking and unexpected events will serve to mold your relationship and they will affect other people around you as well. If you can hold it together, then you can serve as an instrument of change in the world around you. This can strengthen the bond between you. It will be easy to notice when the bottom is going to fall out of your blissful life together. Simply observe how long "peace" has been in your life. Once peace arrives, shakeups may be soon to follow.

Neptune Sextile Pluto

Matters of spirituality, psychic awareness or communication, supernatural forces and mind-reading will be very strong interests in your lives and it may be impossible to deny or to get away from them. There may be times that you can actually hear what the other person is thinking without ever having to say anything. You might decide to play the role of psychic detectives, uncovering mysteries or hidden things. You enjoy anything that has to do with mind expansion or mind alteration.

hmmmm. no wonder. 'might as well not fight it, but go with the flow, roll with the punches! this is what i've dreamed about my whole life, isn't this?

yeah, right. to say that this relationship challenges me is an understatement. it's more like a total psychic, spiritual, intellectual, psychological and emotional overhaul.

oh, what a ride! well, hang on, dear heart, and sit tight.

the curtains are just rising.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Old-fashioned Romance

don't laugh now, but my days recently have been spent reading up on and researching--of all topics-- courtship.

with M's finally coming over to be closer to me so we can get to know each other better, and assessing how our 10-month-old long-distance relationship has been one beautiful friendship of being "more than friends, less than lovers", i am only realizing now that we are in courtship!

it should be obvious but it is not to me. im used to the dating mode, just meeting people, having a good time, usually falling in love with them, too, sharing intimacies sooner than later.... BUT, -- as the definitions i've found say-- without the express intention of trying to get to know each other better, with the view towards marriage someday. courtship is a stage where both the man and woman expressly indicate their intentions of marriage while also wanting to get to know each other (character, values, the real person behind the dating facade, through friendship) better to see if they really are fit to marry each other.

with the dating mode, no wonder the broken hearts and broken dreams which i do not care to count nor go back to again, ever.

i'm currently in the middle of Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship, with I've Kissed Dating Goodbye next in line, and i've been having a tearful, gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching week, touched by the stories in the book, yet also reminded of the past, and all the things i did wrong!!!

last night, i cried so hard, thinking with all the things i did wrong (not in line with courtship principles) before, how could i ever do it right this time, when i want so much to do it right???

today, though, i found this one more new article link, which gives me hope, and calms me, and points me to a good direction i am confident i can follow.

reading all these now, i understand better where M has been coming from all along, and i admire and respect and love him more now for all his restraint and wisdom. what i thought was his shyness and inhibitions before at not rising up to the bait of all my provocations-- is actually good old common-sense and old-fashioned respect and affection for me. i feel so ashamed of my self now when i think of all my shameless provocations. (blushhhhhhhh!!!)

it is me who has a lot to learn from him, after all.


heck, i am already 39, more a nominal Catholic than a "law-abiding" one, prefer to call my self more spiritual than religious, left a bad 10 year marriage, and later on had marriage annulled both in church and in the courts, "been there, done that" to learn things for my self from experience instead of the shoulds that other people/institutions say one should follow, been wild, been broken, triumphantly survived it all... and now, strangely, in a budding relationship with a good man of character, whose very presence in my life has encouraged me to go back to church and my most deeply-held values and beliefs, feeling like a babe in the woods all over again!

i've never had a proper courtship before; i was just so lusty, jumped in there with all my heart, and eyes closed. look where it got me. no regrets, had lots of fun and lessons and gained lifelong friends,... but wouldn't want to go back there either. as M says for himself, also, there's not much room for more unnecessary hurting and breaking anymore...


looking back now to more than 10 months ago, it is uncanny too, how, that week i was introduced to M, this is what i posted here--

"i want to do it right this time".