Saturday, January 20, 2007

My Inner Child

i missed M sooo much yesterday. it's been two weeks since we last communicated. ive been a good girl, trying to keep quiet, knowing how he needed to focus on his projects for now (i know how i get when i need to focus on my projects: in total incommunicado mode, too).

still, at dawn yesterday, i tossed and turned, and finally came up with this bright idea of letting him know how much i missed him but not sounding too clingy nor needy: email him with just two lines-- "I know you're verrrrry busy, but may I have a HUG? I miss you, soooo bad."

finally, around mid-morning when i couldn't take it any longer, i did finally email him those dawn-inspired lines... and waited.

and waited.

and waited.

2 hours go by. nothing from him.

3 hours now, i was getting tearful, with all sorts of wild and crazy schemes in my head.

finally as i drove back to school to wait to pick up the older kids, i realized that it was my Inner Child acting up again, and i know now from experience and much research that when one gets like this, there's nothing much other people can do for you. you know your Inner Child best, and it is really your responsibility to take your Inner Child gently and lovingly by the hand and give her the attention and nurturing that she's presently craving from others but which others can not give.

so i went to the cafe in front of the school and ordered for my self my favorite mocha frappe, plus a little sandwich with lots of greens in it. in short, i took my self out for a quick date. : )

feeling better after the first sip of the frappe and first bite of the sandwich, i proceeded to just jot down on my journal what i have been experiencing that day, letting my Inner Child speak:

- missing M so
- dawn idea: "may I have a HUG?" email
- emailed M by mid-morning
- no response from M
- feeling rejected, upset, self-doubting, unlovable, angry ("how dare you ignore me???")
- feeling vengeful: "i'll show you. you'll never hear from me again. I WILL un-miss you, un-need you, un-love you. HMP!)
- wondering what to do now: do i still continue thinking of him and making plans and dreaming dreams with him in the picture, or do i totally erase him now? i decided i'd substitute the word "Soulmate" for his name in my Manifesting Intents. hmp. he may not be my real Soulmate after all, but just a practice one, you know. hmp. that'll show him!

after picking up the kids from school and coming home now, i thought i'd pursue the Inner Child idea and feed her more loving. so i started Google-searching for "inner child", and the first site i get is a link to "How Old is Your Inner Child?"

i answer the quiz, and here is my result--

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole big world out there to do it in. Just so long as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my three best friends with me, of course.

Heheh (blush!)...

then, another link, "How Is Your Inner Child?", with my quiz results as--

***Your Inner Child Is Angry***

You're not an angry person.
But when you don't get your way, watch out.
Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want.
Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

Heeheeheee.... (more blushes!)


feeling a lot better now, i finally get an email from M, who begins his email with:

"I was about to say we seem to miss each other at the same time; but since I know I miss you always..."

: ) : ) : )

needless to say, my Inner Child is well-fed and happy again!
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