unsent, unsaid...

it was you who first gave up on us, M, ... even before we first met in person.

we were just having a difficult time, and I was doing all I can to make it right, from my end, struggling with my self, working with my self, growing my self...

but, what did you do?

it hurts that you let go instead, and let somebody else in...

somebody who isn't even at par with us, and somebody who bored your mind stiff even, you even admit that now, now that more time has passed.

what else did you expect me to say or do, except to finally let go, too, move away and try to move on?

you gave up, M, just when we were so close.

***

of course she would be nice and accommodating and helpful to you. it's her job. you PAY HER to be nice and accommodating and helpful, and to do as you ask. you don't see that, do you? you kid yourself to be soo wanted by her for who you are, when she doesn't even know who you are!

of course her friends and family would all bow down to you; in their eyes, you are a good enough American Dream personified, their ticket to a better life than all the lifetimes they knew.

this is the really insulting and laughable part, except that it hurts even so, how you could allow yourself to be blinded by superficial adulation, and to be used so.

you've shown me a side of you that was suddenly so childish, immature, infantile even... for someone of your breeding and intellect and finesse... or so i thought.

you've shown me a side of you that is suddenly... downright stupid.

this last part hurts the most, and one i definitely did not expect from you.

in my eyes, you just suddenly became very.... common. ordinary.

maybe you deserve to be with her after all; i cannot help you out of that mess you foolishly plunged your self into. for sure, she deserves somebody like you, unless you remember again Who You Really Are.