Aug. 3, Friday evening - Monthly Santermo (writer's group) meeting at the Negros Museum; i didn't bring any material for critiquing but i attended anyway, just to soak in the creative energies of the group. i am always glad i do, even if i come home late and physically tired and sleepy, my mind is abuzz and my spirit is singing!
it helped too, that earlier in the day, i was working happily with A and L, two best friends of the spirit, and even with A, shy, funny, head-in-his-clouds A, who brought us pizza for lunch (at my teasing request for him to be our knight and savior : > ) even if he was the guest to our office and we were supposed to be the hosts! : )
the early morning conversation with my new friend, B, was a morale-booster, too! he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he wants to know about all of who i am and how i think and feel about things, as well as how the kids are doing... and i feel surprisingly calm and safe and secure in his presence. (that's a relief after the last few months of just feeling judged, attacked and blamed by M, for my just being who i am! : < ) ***
Aug. 4, Saturday morning - met my Master of Nursing Methods of Research class for the first time; my goal was to make them see the fun and exciting possibilities in a subject that sounds as boring as "research", if not make them fall in love with it at first meet.... from the class' responses and questions and comments by the end of the morning class, i think i made significant headway.
in moments like this, i know the classroom is one of my best milieus, too; i not only come alive in it, i make others come alive as well! : )
Saturday afternoon - Thea was with her best friend at her best friend's house, having slept over there; Paolo was with their dad to attend a children's party of one their dad's friend's children; Bea opted to stay with me at home.
after a good, deep nap, i woke up and changed even as i asked Bea to change. we went to buy her favorite cheese-flavored fries and vanilla ice cream, and then drove on to the Capitol Lagoon, where she ran and played, as i just enjoyed watching her, while i reviewed the notes i made on my copy of Shakti Gawain's Living In the Light...
i am (re) learning again now how Love is not out there, to be sought from certain people, that Love instead is everywhere and especially deep inside, in one's connection to God and the Universe; that one must keep that connection at all costs, that the first love affair is that love affair with God/the Universe/Self... that all the rest, especially the people around us, are just limited channels of that Love... so why expect and depend on the limited channels when one can go directly to the Ultimate Source of all that Love?
this has been my reflection lately with my meditations and what's currently happening in my life (suddenly new developments again!)
then my sis Honey texted me to invite us to Redd's bowling party at Lopue's East.
my friend T also texted me to ask if i was interested to host a bi-monthly show on arts and culture she and her theatre and film production friends are putting up... i said i was very interested in arts and culture alright, but hosting??? : ) still, i was of course very open to and excited about the idea and agreed to a wednesday meet next week to talk about details.
Saturday evening - the kids bowled as we grownups feasted on Mang Inasal chicken for dinner, and just enjoyed updating each other on each other's lives, having fun watching the kids having fun. Thank you to Lira for the dinner treat, and to Honey and Ping for the moments to bond together again!
i dreamt that i won a raffle, and the prize was for Gus (my first love; he always comes up in my dreams whenever a new man enters my life, sort of like a symbolic character now for how the relationship with the new man would be like) to take the winner out on two dates.
i was very happy and feeling very lucky, as in my dream, it was my birthday too.
Gus and i went to our family store (i've come to understand this store symbol in my dream now to tell me that im going down deep into my consciousness), the old store we all lived and worked and grew up in. Gus was asking me how i was, how things are now, and i was proud and happy to tell him all the growth and changes that have been happening, and how im in a good place in my life now.
as soon as we stepped into the store, all my old grade school and high school classmates (symbol for past, childhood) were there, surprising me with brightly colored gifts and a party!
it turned out that without my knowing it, Gus had arranged for it, as well as for me to be picked as the winner in the raffle, actually.
ive never felt so loved, safe, secure and celebrated before!!!
i woke up really smiling, of course: good, happy things are in the works.
i know it now, for sure. ; )
August 5, Sunday morning - as the kids sleep, i spend the quiet, morning hours meditating and reflecting on my journal.
insight: the answer to my lament to my self and B, of how come everything good is happening in my life except in the romance dept. (yet) -- because it is still in the romance dept. where i allow negative thoughts and feelings run freely, without full and conscious direction of my mind!
B says it's all about perception. you can choose to see what's happening (or not happening yet) as a negative reflection on your self and start doubting, getting anxious and worrying... or you can choose to just let it be, not take it personally, and just relax and enjoy the friendship and growing affection that has come to bless us, that blessings are blessings, no matter what form or package they come.
he had a funny way of saying it:
"When a whole fried chicken flies out of Heaven and into your mouth, you need to be smart enough to chew and not spit it out on the ground to look at it."
B is right. i am (re)learning very significant, healing things from him already.
i love his positive spirit and mindset!