i just sent this email to my self via Forbes' Email Time Capsule... anything to get out of this funk i'm in. : (
Hello, Jeanette at 57!
How are you today? How are the kids? Thea should be 32 by now, Paolo, 27, and Bea, 25. You should be finally free to live your own life again now, without the little ones tugging at your skirt. : ) Do you like it? Do you like your life even better now?
How have you become? Have you become just older, wisened but broken, bowed, defeated by life's simply happening? Or are you the woman I envision you to be-- a better, finer, wiser, kinder, gentler, sassier, sexier version of me right now? : ) Somebody with even more grace and fire, having hurdled life's challenges gracefully, with spunk, fun and spirit.
I hope to God you are in a much better place and have become a much better person than who I am right now.
My life is good now, having just resigned from the IDS Chair (still remember that?) and having gotten my annulment last June. I'm going for our dreams now, crafting and building our life one stitch, one block at a time.
But RIGHT NOW (as in RIGHT NOW, Nov. 25, 2005; 1:56 a.m.), I am just recovering from a really bad case of the flu and I've been feeling so down and low lately, as if our life is not amounting to much and I am nobody to anybody at all.
NCCA and PBBY haven't responded to my entries; even a courtesy rejection letter would be appreciated. J is perfect, but oh so far away and cannot yet be ours. A nice man from far away who's been courting for months and who's supposed to be here in Bacolod now has suddenly become mum and unheard from, even...
From the biggest dreams and desires of our heart to the littlest pleasant curiosities-- I feel like I am being blocked in some way. My dreams for you and I are there, I can see them, and yet, they are out of reach.
Our horoscopes say it's just Mercury and Saturn retrogade. I think it is, too. Because we're not normally in this kind of funk; and even if we were, we're not normally this vulnerable, are we?
One good thing, though: this downtime has forced me to do some soulsearching, and a lot of handwriting and visioning and planning on my journal again (no, not the blogs). I discovered, to my pleasant surprise, that the coming year will be the starting year when we can finally pay off the last of our debts from the marriage, and generate savings from all my income streams so far, at last.
I call 2006 our Year of Surplus. : ) Isn't that great, to be out of survival mode at last, and to be rolling on one's way to one's dreams again? : )
How are you at 57, Jeanette?
Have you become the internationally-known, bestselling, and well-loved author that I've always dreamed for us to be? : )
Is J still with you; are you together now? : ) : ) He is soooo good to us, sooo good for us, isn't he?
How are all the worldwide travels? Have you done your stint with the UN or UNESCO yet, or have they ceased to exist, because the world where you are now has become a happier, more peaceful place at last? : ) : ) : )
Do tell me, tell me, Jeanette at 57. I need the hope of you in a better, nicer, much happier place to comfort me right now. I need the hope of us triumphing over life's struggles... and even life's blahs.
Please tell me, Jeanette at 57. I will stay open, and look out for your signs.
Until then, keep well, and many blessings!
Your former me,
Jeanette at 37