Sunday, May 29, 2005


when your mom asks, you can't help but give it to her. : )

i know i haven't been my usual blogging self lately, and some friends have started asking why, and how i am these days. but it was okay, i couldn't be budged still, until mama called tonight to ask why there's no update in my blog. so here goes...


what can i say? 'been too busy, with so many new things happening in my life all at once, i guess.

first, there was my first speaking engagement at Bohol, which, despite my anxiety and nervousness, seemed to work out fine in substance. i think i was able to establish quick rapport with the women from Mindanao, as they talked to me like one of them already during breaks and dinner. then too, they kept using many of the new futures studies terms i introduced in my talk at their meeting afterwards, which i also sat in... so i guess i did fine, except that i was so tense and excited during my presentation i grew breathless, almost gasping for air at certain points of the talk, with my voice breaking into a croak. : (

this just reminded me that i ought to get back to my Toastmasters' Club meetings again and finish that CTM (Competent Toastmaster) level of 10 basic speeches with evaluations...

the trip was a healing trip, though, despite the initial stress (i checked in late at the airport so i got bumped off; luckily, my friend Jo, who was supposed to assist me in that talk, gave her slot to me, so i got to go to Bohol instead, and she got left behind...). i met such wonderful, wise, fun, strong and independent women there and their energies were a natural high. one of the ladies who formerly worked with Ford Foundation and was now a consultant for the group brought me to her home atop a hill, where you get a majestic view of the mountains or the sea, depending on which side of the open-air house you were looking out from. she also introduced me to another wonderful woman, the owner of The Bee Farm, whose energies and passions about her organic farm were so palpable, you come out feeling not only refreshed but reinvigorated, after visiting her farm and meeting her.

these were all mostly women in their mid-forties and up, women much older than my self. and i thought to my self, "who said middle and old age for women was boring? i can't wait to be 50, or 80 even!" : )

the other wonderful thing about the Bohol trip is that it's the first step to making my speaking career dream come true. ive written before on this blog how i dream of living an independent life after 40, earning comfortably from home from my writing and speaking and online business and consultancies, even as i travel and explore the world for virtually free (from the all-expenses paid speaking engagements)! it is an incomparably delicious kind of joy being finally in the path of one's dreams... and i guess my silence these days has also to do with privately savoring this joy now, basking in its afterglow...

second, it's enrolment week for us at school, and as Department Chair on the last few days of my term before my resignation officially takes effect on may 31, im right in the middle of the bedlam, advising students on their academic loads, as well as assisting them with registration and other enrolment problems. i spend 12- to 15-hour days at work during these times, and when i get home, all i could do is shower, eat and sleep. to describe my self as "pooped" would be an understatement.

third, new little discoveries about my children--

> Paolo, making and printing a birthday card for Bea, out of his own volition, and writing on the card (with my assistance only at spelling): Dear Bea, you give us happiness. we love you. happy birthday!" "You give us happiness." wow. and coming from a 7-year-old at that.

> Bea, with newly-invented words she uses when she's asked to do something, "goodwards, or badwards?" : )

fourth, my new Nokia 7260 cellphone, at last! and spending most of the week getting to know its many wondrous functions, taking pictures, recording songs, taking video images, emailing, gaming... the kids and i have been mostly spending our time together at home just playing with it and taking pictures and videos of our selves clowning around and having fun!

fifth, just today we had our orientation meeting at the Pax Christi Pilipinas office. i am one of the lucky 20 offered by pax christi a full year's scholarship for an MA Conflict and Reconciliation Studies and today was our first meeting as a class. all we have to do in return is to commit ourselves to teaching and training others, too, in the ways of peace, after we graduate.

i can never speak enough of my passion for my involvement with pax christi and about how it excites me no end to be engaged in volunteer work that tries to make a dent in making the world a better place to live in by transforming people's consciousness and understanding of their realities, presenting to them alternative and more creative ways of dealing with life's inevitable conflicts. becoming more deeply involved in this training is closest to my heart, so much so that i decided to quit my PhD Applied Linguistics program to focus on this instead, and look at another PhD later in the fields of peace and culture studies, rather than in the traditional doctorate programs.

this also ties in, too, with my after-40 dream of an independent career in writing, speaking and consultancy, as it points to many possibilities for training people in different parts of the world, not just in the country...!!!

sixth, the last news for the week, and maybe the best news so far -- i have only two days more to go as Department Chair, and im celebrating my Freedom from the tyranny of administrative demands to a whole day treat at the beauty parlor and the spa (facial, foot spa, manicure and pedicure, full body massage, the whole works!) on June 1! : D it's been four years of nonstop serving and giving to other people; i get my own life back at last, and am looking forward to my well-deserved self-treat!!! : D hurrayyyyy!!!

everything suddenly so new, with new doors opening even as old ones close, and my life is my own now, blooming and growing in ways that i deeply desire, on my own terms at last.

can anyone blame me for savoring these sublime joys to my self, for a while, before i share them with the world?

: ) God is good.
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