Thursday, March 30, 2006

"be good to me, be good to me..."

ive been very good these days, doing my meditations and reaping the benefits by working with focus and incredible energies from as early as 4am straight to as late as 11pm! as a result, ive been able to accomplish much, ticking off items from my To Do list in an almost regular, rhythmic pattern.

tuesday and thursday, we were supposed to have our comprehensive exams in our MA class. tuesday, we had questions in five subjects, for which we were given 2 hours per subject to answer; i answered everything in 6 hours. well... also because i disciplined and timed my self so i could finish it by 2pm, as i still had my students' thesis defense to attend to by 3pm. today, we had four subjects to answer for the whole day; i surprised my self by answering everything to my satisfaction in just two hours! : O

beyond the compre, ive been very efficient too, with the butterfly and export biz, my classes and lessons and my students grades, on top of being a good mom and person... : ) without feeling tired or put out or resentful about all the time and energies a lot of things are taking from me, like i used to feel before.

in short, im "in my zone" at last! : )

but today, my fuse must be running short. i haven't meditated for 3 days, too, so that must account for my vulnerability again. (somehow, regular meditation insulates me from all the usual stresses, and i am able to maintain my equananimity...)

in the middle of attending to my students' thesis defense, i get a text from my sister who forwarded to me a text message from our cousin in manila, about how her father, our beloved uncle, has suddenly suffered a stroke and is now in critical condition as the family is considering brain surgery...

then, upon going home, the car kept stopping again. it started stopping at intersections earlier today around noon, when i have the aircon on full blast and the car runs idle. i fetched paolo from his cousins' and his cousin went home with us for a sleepover. on the way, we stopped by the mechanic to warn him of my trouble, but the mechanic thought the car could still last for another day, just until i finish the week, before i bring it back to him.

so paolo and redd and i stopped by the mall to shop for the kids' snack items for the sleepover and for the long weekend, now that they're on summer vacation. i made a very conscious effort to stick to my budget, calculating and recalculating each time i put a new item into the cart, that by the time i was at the counter, i had a minor throbbing headache.

and then, just as i started the car to go home, a queer burning smell wrapped us all inside the car. ive never prayed so hard for the car to last until we get home!

we did get home okay, but still with the burning smell. so i contacted the mechanic now to tow it off by tomorrow morning. that means paolo and i ride the public commute again, which is two rides to school and two rides back. sigh.

i felt so frustrated i wanted to burst into tears. ive been soooo good-- but now, this! ... but then i also remembered that the mechanic mentioned he had two seconhand cars to show to papa... and how i encouraged him to do so, soon. i texted my brother, tope, to tell papa about my car trouble again and also told him to expect the mechanic with the secondhand cars for sale. tope was good, saying he'll take care of it by tomorrow. thank God!

all the time, i kept repeating to my self-- "be good to me, ooh be good to me, dear heart!" i realized how easy it was to bring all the good feelings and consciousness ive built up for the past few days down again, with just entertaining little self-critical thoughts when things seem to be going wrong like this.

but i was more successful this time. the Silva affirmation does work when you need it--"negative thoughts, negative suggestions, have no influence over me at any level of mind." the energies built up by the momentum of my past meditations, with Silva, the Holosync demo, and Jody Sachse's HAV1 music, helped, too.

still, i am reminded to get back to my meditations again. today just emphasized to me how i need to strengthen my self with my meditations as often as i can, so the world can't get to me, like it almost did again today, for good.

God help, and God bless!
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