Friday, October 28, 2005

Better

i think i am improving much in the self-care department, these days.

it is 2 am and im finishing my long overdue stats assignment in my MA Conflict and Reconciliation Studies course, but i am okay. there was a time when i used to automatically and subconsciously castigate my self for not doing all that i have set out to do for my self for the day, for the week, and i am my own harshest taskmaster and slavedriver, pushing my own self to burnout.

but these days, my attitude is -- if i couldn't do it today, despite my best efforts, then it must have been something that couldn't have been done today. so what, there's still tomorrow, after all, paraphrasing Scarlett O'Hara. : )

and i am more conscious now about the self-talk going on in my head, taking care to congratulate my self for all that i've managed to get done so far, for all the love i've given to others, for managing my finances better, for taking some time for my self to rest and renew, leading a more balanced life now.

i am gentler with my self now for the things left undone, easier to just ssshhh them away softly as i allow my self to take space and time for my own inner needs for rest and renewal, building up from the little snippets of time i could only manage to eke out for my self before.

and i find that i am more at peace with my self and with the world, lately, less likely to get stressed from the myriad demands placed by other people on me... it's like i have a warm, golden bubble of serenity enveloping me all around as i go about my day, and no matter how rude or cranky or irritable other people are, it's not easy for them to get to me anymore.

this is a healing place i've come to, and i am glad and grateful for it.
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