Wednesday, February 02, 2005

This Time of the Year

it's that time of the year again, the last month before my birthday on feb. 29, except that this year marks the beginning of another four year cycle of no real feb. 29s to celebrate, except by the fourth year.

i don't know if others really measure their inner and outer growth by their birthdays, but i do. however, i measure it in terms of four-year cycles, which gives me opportune time to stretch out a soul growth issue over more years.

this time of the year, i feel myself building up the energies to finish everything from the previous year. and given that this is going to be the start of another four-year cycle, i am doubly feeling the pressure on my self to finish unfinished work of the last cycle, so i can truly start on a clean slate when my birthday comes.

this month, it has more to do with finishing up old work backlog. but i know that somewhere deep inside, there are rumblings too, to finish old emotional issues of the past cycle.

the last four years have been intensive transformational and growth spurt years for me. on feb. 29, 2000, i was still an unhappily married woman, with no career direction. by feb. 29, 2004, i had since left my marriage, zoomed up in the career ladder, got two fellowships to national writing grants, won a national book award for my children's story, and had my first book already being published.

emotionally, i've travelled from a naive, clueless young woman-- about herself and the ways of the world and men-- to somebody who can confidently take on life and the world and men with grace, spunk and wisdom most times, with wit and humor at the very least.

still, i have yet to settle into a truly loving, nurturing and empowering mature and intimate relationship with a man, though. maybe that is my next task for this next coming cycle, even as i dig in my heels now in my chosen career path and direction, knowing now what i love to do most and what i do best.

26 days more and counting, dear heart.

i can't wait!

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