i have come to formulate this personal theory about people and relationships and why some times things don't work out: people are like jars that come in many sizes and colors, the bigger the jar the bigger the capacity and need for loving.
so many times, a big but simple-looking earthen jar is attracted to a petite but fabulously-colored little jar. they hang around for a while, pouring wine into each other.
Little Jar gets filled up easily, and can't handle more. Big Jar pours a lot and needs a lot to be refilled. so one day, Little Jar is soo full she actually starts breaking. Big Jar, in the meantime, has always been left with the feeling of being only half-full when he's with Little Jar. and so, he starts looking for other filling from other Jars, which are like Little Jar's size and color, but not quite. (it can also be the other way around with Big Jar a she, and Little Jar a he.)
and on and on it goes, Big Jar and Little Jar trying to share their wine by refilling each other, but not exactly in the way they like to be filled. and so, one day, their being together has to end.
so far, i've been feeling like i'm Big Jar, surrounded by so many Little Jars, wanting, grasping for so much from me, but never giving back to me as much in return.
and i am just soooo tired now.
a friend has suggested, well why don't you put the lid on Big Jar for a while and stay put, and wait for another Big Jar to come along?
good idea, but what if this Big Jar didn't come with a lid?
i will have to make one, i guess.