Wednesday, March 02, 2005

First Day

the preparation was more exciting than the actual day.

first day of my 37th year, i spent at home, sick from (of?) work-
feverish, headachy, even jaw-achy with my other wisdom (!) tooth erupting,
dressed in old baggy clothes, with not even a touch of lip gloss, bad hair, hohum skin,
struggling to check papers i have come to dread,
opening my journal to write it all away and hopefully feel better
but staring blankly at it instead and falling asleep,
offended a friend,
short fuse with kids,
weepy but unable to weep,
fell asleep again,
dreamt an unmemorable dream
(all i knew was the sense of something clicking into place,
me getting it at last--whatever that "it" is),
waking up now, my second day
still feeling sick
unready to face the world.

days like these,
i feel like giving up
on me.


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