today is probably one of the roughest days i will always remember in my whole memorable life.
it's not so much what's happened but that i didn't have the energies to be Grace, much less to be Fire. all i wanted to do today by noon was to climb into bed and hide under the covers and weep.
woke up at 2am for a bathroom break, but as im wont to do, i check my email along the way for anything interesting. got an email from a friend i was fast falling for... and found him answering my question truthfully, at last, but belatedly.
another disappointment. another betrayal.
slept fitfully afterwards, wondering why i get involved with these types. thought of doing my Womanly Arts "spring cleaning" (another blog on that later) and analyzing all the past "friends" and why they ended up not the ones for me (tentative title, "Kiss and Tell", if i get around to actually writing it as a blog)... but sleep got the better of me, and so i dozed off.
woke up too late at 630 am. the ex was already outside honking, and i had to rush waking the kids up. he was upset and rushing, too, so he left the kids' allowances with the maid instead and drove off.
i didn't even manage to shower, just a quick facial wash and sponge bath and off to school with the kids, who were anxious about being late. after the two older ones were dropped off just in time, i was set to bring the youngest to her preschool recognition day dress rehearsal, when the maid told me she forgot to bring Bea's costume.
so we had to drive back home to get the damn costume and drive the other way around again to get her to the rehearsal. by this time, i was running late for my own students' thesis defense, and i pressed on the accelerator to get to school and embarassedly sneaked into the defense room, with the defense well underway already.
by midmorning i had a throbbing migraine, but i had to fetch Bea again. on the way to fetch Thea and Paolo, we were caught in heavy traffic. as we inched slowly along, the car suddenly stalled and spewed smoke inside! so i had to stop right there in the middle of the road and ask some people to push it towards the side of the road.
Bea, the maid and i got off and took out all our bags and packages, as we trudged on to find a taxi. it was getting near noon, and the extreme noonday heat was getting to us, with Bea whining, and me with a splitting headache.
still we had to go fetch Thea and Paolo. i seated the maid and Bea at a small diner near the school while i walked to fetch the two older kids. i told them we will eat lunch at the diner instead as it was too late for the maid to fix lunch at home, with the delay caused by the car trouble.
by noontime, at home, i was weepy. chatting with another good friend online helped. still, after a few minutes, i begged off to take a nap and give in to my need for crying it all away.
i slept a deep sleep, and woke up at 3pm, remembering that i missed my afternoon classes already! oh god. so i texted my students their assignments, and decided to take care of the car trouble instead.
i took another taxi ride to the opposite end of the city to my car mechanic's shop and literally begged him to take care of towing the car for me as i couldn't handle any more stress today! thankfully, he was quick to help and so, i was free for the rest of the afternoon to attend to other errands and chores i could have easily done with the car, but which took longer (and more expensive taxi rides) without the car. :(
by 5 pm, i was done. by 5 pm, i was also spent. so, despite a tight budget, i decided to treat my self to a manicure and pedicure at my favorite beauty parlor.
im glad i did, because it made the rest of an already beseiged day more manageable. by 7pm, i was home, and i further treated my self to a long leisurely bath, all alone. i expressly prohibited the small kids from joining me, as they are usually wont to do.
then, another friend, the one i had a fun date with last month, texted to say he's in town again, and asked for another date on friday evening.
hmmm. : )
of course i said yes. at least the day is ending in a more upbeat mood than when it started.
what's very interesting is this little miracle i see happening over and over again-- once i start pleasuring my self, even in very little things like a beauty parlor treat, i not only feel better, but good things happen again!
it's almost like a mantra for rough days like this-- stop, take a deep breath and take care of your self first, and the rest follows after you.
this is discussed too in Womanly Arts,... but i wonder now whether this is just a womanly thing, or is this really a universal principle that applies to all?
i don't believe the Universe is gender unfair. so that's why im sharing this here, instead of at the other womanly blog.