a friend who's been having a stressful time doing the rounds of employment searching and interviews lately laughed when i commented on his last interview, which he said he didn't like at all -- "well, it's just one more NO, on your way to your YES".
he said it was a nice way of looking at it, but i hope he doesn't think im just being breezily witty, trying to cheer him up. it's actually another personal theory i have, when things don't work out for me.
when things don't work out, although im disappointed, i can also see why it didn't work out, especially what i didn't like, that made me say "NO", whether in words or actions.
so as not to dwell on self-esteem bashing, i focus instead on what i learned from what didn't work out, and basically it's a lesson on what i don't really like or want, when i thought i wanted/liked it or it didn't really matter in the first place.
so i now have a collection of "NOs" in my list, in terms of the kind of work i love to be doing for life, and the kind of man i would love to spend the rest of my life with.
in terms of work-- no to routine and drudgery and doing the same thing year in and year out, no to a controlling and very structured environment that discourages initiative and creativity, and no to not being able to directly serve people at all, without lots of human contact, to name a few.
in terms of life partner -- no to dishonesty and meanness and irresponsibility, no to a negative and judgmental and controlling attitude, no to unwillingness to admit mistakes and to learn new things, no to self-centeredness and who doesn't care about the things i am passionate about, no to poor health (if he can't take care of him self, he can't very well take care of other things in his life!), to name a few.
so maybe the next work and the next love will still show me more NOs i need to learn about my self,... or maybe i am getting to my YES now, little by little.
i can see it from the kind of work im doing now, which i enjoy; and the kind of men i'm meeting now, whom i enjoy, trust and respect, and who enjoy, trust and respect me back, as good friends, at least.