Sunday, December 05, 2004

A Naughty Postscript

here's another interesting sidelight to the Negros Tour story, which actually became everybody's highlight at the end of the day:

the last leg of the tour was a visit to the 70ish tour guide's own ancestral home, for he belonged to one of Silay's old rich families. we toured his whole house, looking at dolls he collected from his travels to many countries, viewing his art and antique collection, and finally, even stepping inside his charming antique bedroom which contained more artwork and nude sketches and paintings of himself in his younger days, done by the country's top artists.

i had been through this tour before so it was not as interesting to me as the first time. but that day in our tour, there was a group of nice plump little old ladies who belonged to some women's club in their city. after one of the ladies got to see the nude artwork, she hastily went back to her group and noisily told them about it.

they instantly flocked around the nude artwork, filling up the room, that all the others had to stand back closer to the balcony. there were oohs and aahs and girlish twitter among them. i stood back in amusement and smiled.

finally, as the tour ended and everybody were herded out of his bedroom, the little old ladies were the last to leave. i was next to them so i was within earshot when the tour guide asked, "all right, any more questions?"

one little old lady raised her hand, and so i stopped to look and wait for her question too. with rounded saucer-like eyes, she asked the tour guide, "Is it... is it... is it really THAT big?"

for a while the tour guide didn't get it, until all of us women chuckled. he was quick to retort, "of course, do you want me to show you the real thing?" and he acted as if to unzip his pants.

then she asked, "how big is it?"

the tour guide gamely answered, "10 inches."

the saucer eyes grew rounder and bigger, " 10 inches!!! i thought they're only up to 6 inches!!!"

the little old women shrieked as i shook my head in amazement. these charming old people, in their sixties and seventies, and flirting naughtily still.

word got passed around about the incident among the other members of the tour and all the way back, everyone shared tidbits and jokes about the little old ladies. we found that they were all spinsters. seated at the front of the bus like adoring fans, they flirted with the tour guide even more by asking him more questions and begging him to sing some more songs from long ago.

at one stop, as the tour guide got off to show some members food delicacies, the little old ladies were overheard discussing among themselves how it's such a shame somebody so dashing and articulate and intelligent and well-traveled and cultured would still be so single.

one of the ladies piped up, "i wouldn't mind being married to him; i would even get to own all those antiques too!"

the saucer-eyed darling of the day retorted, "me too! having those 10 inches is enough!"
Post a Comment