Monday, November 15, 2004

M

i cried so hard while watching "The Notebook". it brought back memories of my own kind of "love that awakens the soul."

he is everything i wish for, and everything i wish he weren't.

he challenges my mind, draws dark whorls in my heart and brings them up to the light for clarity, understanding and healing; he calls my bluffs and won't suffer any of my nonsense, yet he is the quickest to understand why i put on the nonsense in the first place.

we have the biggest fights, but i am learning now that the deepest kinds of loves bring that on, need them in fact, and can withstand them anyhow. i have stopped counting the times i've decided i'm done and over with him, that i'm moving on. he keeps coming back.

and when he's taking so long, i am the one who comes back.

his bluntness and hardheadedness smacks right into my brutal honesty and stubborness. he calls me his personal mental laundromat; i call him my personal emotional vacuum cleaner. but in the end, he is good for my soul.

he makes me see the falseness in my self and all around me, and he helps me become my truer me.

when the world distracts me too much, and i get lost in my own little detours and misadventures, i come back to him for a much needed sitting down and talking to; he is both my lighthouse and roadmap.

he puts me in touch with my deepest loves, fears and passions; and because of this connection, he puts me in touch with my writing again, over and over, when i have forgotten how to write from the heart and soul.

he is my perfect match,
except for one thing --

he is already married to another.
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